


...and counting

by cherryraindrops



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, posh and becks au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-07-20 00:59:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 52,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7384693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryraindrops/pseuds/cherryraindrops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coming off of the high of a fantastic world tour, Michael believed his life was set. He never expected Liverpool striker Calum Hood to come stumbling into his life, and now everything else seems to come up short. </p><p>or, Michael and Calum's relationship, in snapshots</p><p>(on indefinite hiatus)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dafeedil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dafeedil/gifts).



> Something you should note about this story before you begin: each chapter will be a separate month in Michael and Calum's relationship. Updates will not be regular. Full time student here. Please bare with me. 
> 
> The first chapter is more of an introduction to things, so it will not be titled after a month. Further updates will be as such. Enjoy :)
> 
> title shamelessly borrowed from ...and counting by lights

Michael can’t exactly say he’s a huge fan of concert after parties. He knows he should be basking in the glow of a terrific end to their world tour, sharing a glass of champagne with his bandmates and maybe splashing the glass all over himself in front of the various cameras angled at him. He the lead guitarist of _5 Seconds of Summer_ for Christ’s sake, he should be being the loud and boisterous person he is on stage right now.

And yet.

There are far too many people surrounding them right now, people Michael is sure that he’s never met in his entire life. Some of them are crew members he never quite got to know during the tour, ones that mostly hung out with each other backstage or kept to themselves. He can just barely catch a glimpse at his bandmates amongst the chaos, with Luke cheering loudly and hanging off of their bassist, Zack, as both of them shout nonsensical words. Both are definitely drunk, that Michael can tell.

Off towards the balcony he catches a glimpse of their drummer looking quite lonesome, nursing a half empty bottle of Corona and gazing towards the bustling New York traffic below them. Michael is quite surprised to find that the boy doesn’t have the beautiful, curvy red head he’s been casually seeing by his side, and wonders if the girl even attended their party tonight.

Handing the practically empty cup of whatever was in the keg to some passing partygoer, Michael heads towards his friend and joins him in the quiet the balcony gives, despite the raging party right behind them. He can still hear Luke and Zack screaming inside, hooting and hollering with other party guests. It brings the smallest of smiles to his face.

“It’s not a party without you, you know,” he tells Ashton, nudging the boy’s shoulder softly. He can see a soft smile cracking at the edges of Ashton’s lips, but it falls right back into a miserable frown only seconds later. “Luke is in there, drinking too much and making a complete ass of himself. Pretty sure Zack is getting pretty close to puking into one of those expensive plants near the doors. You are missing out on quality bandmate blackmail at its finest.”

Ashton shrugs sadly, and that’s when Michael knows something is incredibly wrong. Ashton has always been all for comradery with his bandmates, being the positive and lively person he was. It’s what made him one of the most fantastic drummers Michael has ever come across during his career. The energy and love he had when he was behind the drums always shined through on stage and off, and it made everyone love him. To see him so down in the dumps and acting the complete opposite was throwing Michael off completely.

“Amber left this morning,” he confesses, and Michael’s heart aches for his bandmate. “Told me that I was a nice summer fling while it lasted, but she was looking forward to going back to Los Angeles and reuniting with some boys there.” He chuckles darkly, taking a swing of Corona. “It’s stupid to be upset about this, I know.”

It seemed a bit ridiculous, Michael would admit that. Amber wasn’t exactly his bandmate’s girlfriend or anything. She was simply someone he would casually fuck during the duration of the tour, with no emotional ties whatsoever. Then again, Michael should have at least seen this coming from a mile away. Ashton had always been one to fall to easily for someone and ignore the consequences.

“It’s not stupid,” Michael tells him earnestly, pressing a comforting kiss into the boy’s messy honey hair. “She just doesn’t realize that she’s missing out on how wonderful you are, that’s all it is.” He throws an arm around his best friend, leading them back towards the party and smiling as he watches everyone dance around and cheer. “I want you to go in there, find someone to dance with, and have _fun._ We just wrapped up our first world tour for crying out loud!”

He can tell Ashton is considering it, but he knows that heartbreak has won the boy over when he releases a defeated sigh. “I think I’m just going to head home actually,” He says, handing Michael his bottle of Corona and stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Can’t say I’m really in the party mood tonight. Thanks though, Mikey.” He opens the door back into the party, casting one last glance back at Michael before making his way through the crowd. Michael wishes there were words he could have said to make Ashton stay, but knows there wasn’t anything he could say that could change the boy’s mind.

He tosses the Corona into the trash bin on his way back in, not really fond of the taste of the alcohol. It had always been more of a favorite among Luke and Ashton the most, while he and Zack loathed the drink. He himself favors the burn of tequila more than the rancid taste of beer. Then again, the beer that was provided for the party was subpar at best.

His hand is on the knob of the entry way back into the party when a person appears on the other side of it, seemingly startled by someone being on the other side of it. The person’s drink sloshes inside of the red solo cup, splashing a little onto the hardwood floor of the living room and making the person mouth an ‘oops!’

“I’m incredibly sorry,” Michael has already started, backing away from the door to allow the stranger onto the balcony. “Didn’t mean to scare you, or make you spill your drink for that matter.” His eyes wander up to the stranger’s face, making him instantly captivated the moment their eyes meet.

The stranger wasn’t even a stranger at all, that was for sure. Michael was surprised he didn’t recognize the boy in the beginning, with how much he’s seen the guy’s face plastered around billboards all around New York. It didn’t matter if he was posing for the newest line of Calvin Klein underwear or posing with his teammates, Michael could easily spot the beautiful specimen in front of him from a mile away.

“Beer was shit anyway,” the stranger says, setting the cup down on the railing and chuckling to himself. “Sad, really, considering this was my first drink since the season ended. I’d rather have something better tasting to celebrate such a great season, that that certainly was not it.” A dark skinned hand reaches up for his rich, dark curls and ruffles them slightly, eyes crinkling from how big the boy was smiling. Michael felt his breath catch at the boy’s beauty being so up close. “You’re the lead guitarist, aren’t you?”

Michael nods dumbly, his emerald eyes still stuck to focusing on the boy’s, the captivating color of aged whiskey analyzing him gently. “Michael Clifford, yeah.” He stutters, clearing his throat. His face is feeling heated with embarrassment, but it seems the boy in front of him isn’t bothered in the slightest by Michael’s obvious bashfulness.

“I’m Calum Hood,” he introduces, though it’s not necessary. Michael knows who he is, has certainly gotten off to the boy’s face plenty of times within the sacred walls of his hotel rooms on nights where he needed a bit of a push. He certainly wouldn’t admit that to the boy’s face, of course. “Though I’m guessing you already know that, considering you are wearing my team jacket.”

Michael flushes an even deeper red, having not even noticed that he was, in fact, wearing a Liverpool FC jacket. He’d purchased it the last time he and the band were in England, insisting that with how cold it was every single time he toured there, he might as well purchase a jacket. He’d worn it almost every day since when the weather was down, but today he had just thrown it on after the show without even noticing. Now he feels almost like an awkward fanboy in front of their cute striker.

“Well that’s embarrassing,” Michael laughs, stuffing his hands awkwardly into the jacket’s pockets. “I didn’t know you would be at my band’s party tonight; didn’t even know you knew who my band _was.”_

Calum laughs, eyes crinkling adorably once more. It’s the cutest thing about him, Michael decides. “I do know about the world outside of football you know.” He smirks, stuffing his own hands into his pockets and leaning up against the railing of the balcony. “Actually, your one song, _Over and Out?_ That was my warm up song this season. Helped me get pumped.”

Now _that_ was an image Michael most definitely did not need to swirl around in his head. It was already bad enough Calum was gorgeous and polite, now he just had to add the fact that not only does he listen to Michael’s band, he warms up to their _songs._ Sweaty, muscular footballer Calum Hood gets amped up for a game listening to Michael’s vocals and guitar.

Yeah, Michael was definitely pure red now.

He’s saved from his embarrassment by Luke barreling out towards the balcony, drink in hand and obviously drunk. The boy is giggling loud and obnoxiously, drink sloshing out of the cup and splashing against his pants, making him giggle even more. His blue eyes look up and move back and forth between Calum and Michael, and his face lights up with complete excitement. “You guys met! I’m so happy!” He tosses his cup aside, dumping its remaining contents into one of the plants as he throws an arm around the two and holds them close. “Michael _loves_ you, I’m serious! He’s always watching highlights of your games and commenting on how _amazing_ you are!”

Did he say saved? Yeah, he takes that back. Luke Hemmings can eat a dick.

Luckily Calum doesn’t seem at all bothered by Luke’s drunken rambles, laughing as he smiles his classic crinkly eyed smile at Michael. “Well I guess that makes two of us, doesn’t it? I must say, when I have downtime my favorite thing to do is watch YouTube videos of you playing.” He doesn’t seem embarrassed at the slightest by his confession. Michael wishes he could be that confident.

Luke coos loudly, and Michael really wants him to leave now. “The two of you are so _adorable!_ Too bad Ashton is missing out on me and my matchmaking skills working.” He releases his grip on the two of them and backs into the doors, stumbling and nearly falling over when he realizes the doors are closed. “Have fun you two!” He winks before managing to open the doors and allow himself back into the party, shouting as a new song begins to play.

Calum snorts the moment Luke leaves, ruffling his dark hair once more and making Michael suck in a breath at how _gorgeous_ he looks while doing so. “Well, I was telling the truth when I said I watch videos of your band when I’m having downtime. I used to play bass in high school, thought about starting a band if the whole football thing didn’t work out.” His hand comes to rest behind his neck, the boy scratching awkwardly there as he avoids eye contact with Michael completely. “You are a hell lot cuter in person than on video.”

“Oh,” Michael blushes for the hundredth time that night. He feels like he’s been transported back into high school, where the simplest of words from his crush rendered him speechless. Normally he’s confident in situations involving cute guys, or at least he attempts to be. This one in particular manages to leave him stumbling over his words and his heart thumping furiously in his chest as he tries to not make himself look like a complete idiot. “I guess I should say the same about you.”

Michael decides then and there that the best Calum he’s ever seen is this one: eyes crinkled, blush dusting his cheeks as his eyes look down at his feet as he laughs. Regardless of the countless billboards of Calum half naked decorating cities nationwide, showing just how gorgeous he was, Michael thinks that _this_ was when he was most beautiful.

“It’s a shame that your tour has just ended,” Calum says then, looking quite disappointed. “I wanted to attend at least one of the shows before it did, but this season has been keeping me pretty busy. Not much time left afterwards to go out and do your own thing, you know?”

Michael knows the feeling all too well. Touring was the greatest thing Michael could have ever asked for in his entire career, but there were always downsides to living his dream. He rarely got to see his family at times, and when he wanted to off and have some fun on his own there was always another interview, another photoshoot, or another show. Hell, he was pretty sure last time they were stopped in Liverpool he had insisted on going to a game, but his schedule didn’t allow such a thing.

“Now that it is off season, though,” Calum leans closer to Michael, their shoulders nearly brushing as the two of them look out into the city. Michael’s sure it’s not the cold air that’s giving him all those goosebumps. “I’m really looking forward to spending some time with friends, family. Catch up on some TV shows that I’ve fallen behind on.”

Michael snorts, knowing the feeling all too well. “Yeah, well, I guess you better tell me what shows you will be watching in case I end up spoiling them for you. I’ve been known to do that in the past, just ask Zack.”

It’s true: he remembers during their first tour, when all of them decided to binge watch _House of Cards_ in their down time. While Michael managed to cruise through it in no time whatsoever (sleep never did come easy on tour), Zack ended up falling behind enormously, leaving Michael to accidentally reveal one of the major character deaths in the midst of band breakfast. Zack hadn’t spoken to him for a _week_ after that.

“Well, I guess I should ask then,” Calum turns to face him, serious look on his face. “How far are you on Game of Thrones?”

Michael groans, throwing his head back as he chuckles. “Oh man, I’m two seasons behind. I’m so terrible at keeping up with that show.” He faces Calum once more, only to laugh when he notices the adorable grin on the boy’s face has grown even more. “What’s so amusing to you?”

“ _Well,”_ Calum grins. “I just so happen to be two season behind as well.” Michael’s mouth forms a nearly identical grin at the boy’s words. “How about the two of us have a marathon someday, catch up on what we’ve been missing? Unless, of course, you aren’t returning to Liverpool soon. Then I guess we can’t do that.”

Michael had always suspected Calum would be far more confident in situations like this, but to see him stumbling through their flirtatious encounter was quite amusing. Now the fact that Calum was practically inviting him to just spend a few days catching up on Game of Thrones? It was as if everything was going Michael’s way.

And who was he, to disappoint the cutest boy he’s come across in such a long time?

“I have nothing planned for next few months,” Michael tells him, looking back as New York sparkles and shines around them. “You?”

The smile on Calum’s face gives him the answer he needs.

*

Michael’s isn’t the least amount surprised when he wakes up the next morning to Luke throwing up. He does want to complain about how _loud_ the boy is heaving, but at the same time he can’t hide his smirk as Luke moans in pain. He had warned the boy the night before that he shouldn’t drink to heavily at the end of the tour party, and it was far too amusing to hear that the boy had obviously waved off his warnings.

The toilet flushes and out stumbles Luke, looking worse for wear and leaning against the doorframe of the hotel’s bathroom. A hand is placed over his pale forehead, and a groan leaves his lips so loud that Michael can’t help but snort. “I’m never drinking again,” Luke declares, stumbling back over towards his bed and collapsing on top of the covers. “I say that a lot, but I’m thinking this time will be the real deal. I feel absolutely _awful.”_

Michael chuckles, rolling over to reach for his phone on the nightstand and unplugging it from his charger. “Drink some water, eat some breakfast. I’m gonna text Ash and see how Zack is holding up really quick.” He presses the power button on his phone, allowing the device to awaken, and as he waits for it to boot up he reaches for the mini fridge on the other side of the bed, grabbing a water bottle and tossing it towards Luke. It lands perfectly beside the boy, rolling towards his stomach. Luke jumps at the sudden cold, but slowly grabs the bottle and takes a sip.

“Thanks Mikey,” Luke mumbles, reaching for his own phone and opening up what Michael could only assume is his Twitter feed. “If you want to make yourself even _more_ useful, you should make your best friend here a really awesome breakfast. Or, at least call room service.”

Michael pretends to ponder this, rubbing his chin before shaking his head. “I’ve decided that I don’t love you enough for that. I’m pretty sure Ashton or Zack does though.” He’s quick to dodge the pillow Luke tosses his way, a giggle escaping his lips before he unlocks his phone. There’s a few messages he got during the night, most from his mother asking how the end of tour party was.

It’s one text that stands out among them all, and it brings a cheesy grin to his face.

**From:** _Calum_

_Lunch today? :)_

“Ashton won’t answer me,” Luke huffs, tossing his phone towards his duffel bag and taking another drink from his water bottle. “And as far as I know Zack is glued to a toilet right now releasing all of his guts. Pretty sure he drank more than me last night.” He looks over at Michael, a frown evident on his face the moment it dawns on him that his best friend wasn’t listening. “You better be watching some adorable cat video or I’m going to be pretty upset that you are ignoring me.”

Michael waves him off, sending a quick _Yes!_ To Calum before locking his phone and setting it back on the nightstand. He swears the grin on his face refuses to fade, the thought of seeing Calum again making his heart beat excitedly and the butterflies in his stomach flutter. “I have lunch plans,” he tells Luke, checking the time on the alarm clock. “I think the restaurant downstairs is still serving breakfast. How about you get dressed and I treat you to some coffee and pancakes?”

Luke doesn’t seem to have heard his last sentence, the boy holding a hand up and his eyes shut. “Hold up, rewind,” he commands, patting the empty side of his bed and allowing Michael to take a seat. “What is this I hear about you having lunch plans? Did I miss you hooking up with someone last night? Are you dating someone behind my _back?”_

Luke seems so offended by the thought that it makes Michael snort. They’ve always been open as a band regarding who they were dating, but then again Michael wasn’t exactly _dating_ Calum. He’d be lying if he said he hoped it wouldn’t at least down that road, but he wasn’t one to get his hopes up. He especially didn’t want to jinx it all by telling Luke all about it either.

“Just someone from the party last night,” Michael dismisses, though his heart is nagging at him for referring to Calum in such a way. “They asked if I wanted to grab some lunch with them today, I accepted.”

Luke doesn’t seem to be buying Michael’s uncaring attitude, but he doesn’t seem to bring much attention back to it. Michael thinks it’s the hangover that is still bothering him. It’s hard to think when your head is pounding against your skull harshly, that was for sure. “Whatever, just take me to food. Want to grab Zack and Ash, see if they want to come with us?”

Michael doubts Ashton would be up for anything at the moment. His conversation with the boy last night makes him wonder, though, if he should just force the boy to hang out with his band. It would definitely keep his mind off of his ruined relationship, and Michael hated when Ashton was sad. It seemed to drag the entire band down when he was.

“Sure,” Michael responds, grabbing a shirt from his suitcase and pulling it up over his head. “That is, if Zack isn’t feeling to poorly. You did convince him to drink a lot last night, he might be in worse shape than you are.”

“Food will do him some good then,” Luke insists, digging around in his duffel and pulling out a bottle of Aspirin. “Sure as hell is going to help me.” He swallows down two of the pills before tossing the bottle back into the bag. “You are buying, right? I mean, if you want to be an even more _excellent_ friend here.”

 Michael gives him the finger in response, reaching into his pocket as his phone vibrates with a new message from Calum. _Meet me at 1, Murphy’s Diner. I’ll be waiting. X._ “Do you want to be the one to wake up Ashton or should I?”

Luke slips on some sandals near the door before opening it up, heading across the hall and knocking softly on the door to Ashton and Zack’s room. “Ashton loves me more than you, he won’t be as pissed if it’s me he sees when he wakes up. How about you just head downstairs and get us a table? I’ll meet you down there with the other two in a minute.”

Michael nods, chuckling as the door to their bandmate’s room opens with a, “Go the FUCK away!” from Zack, followed by what Michael knew was the boy hurling. It was probably cruel, to leave a hungover Luke to deal with two of the grouchiest people on Earth, but then again, his friend _volunteered._ Any bodily damage done to him in the meantime was _purely_ his own fault.

The restaurant is pretty vacant when Michael makes his way down, save for a couple of obviously hungover guests drinking coffee near the booths in the back.  The only waiter on duty looks incredibly bored, leaning against the bar while keeping an eye on her few tables. It’s nice, quiet. Luke would certainly appreciate it, and if Zack musters up the energy to join them, so will he.

“Morning sir,” the girl on duty welcomes him, attempting to look lively. “Just you today?”

Michael shakes his head, holding up four fingers. “My friends should be down here soon. Figured I’d grab us a table while they get ready.” He follows her towards the outside seating, where the sun was shining brightly in the sky and the sounds of New York traffic echoing through the open window. She seats him right by the window, and Michael welcomes the sunlight onto his skin. “Four coffees, to start off with. Two black, two with sugar and cream.”

**To:** _Calum_

_Can’t wait x_

“It’s far too early in the morning for you to be all smiley and cheery,” he hears Ashton mumble as he sits across from Michael, a miserable looking Zack in tow. Ashton looks absolutely exhausted, eyes red rimmed from what Michael could only guess was crying, and it makes his heart hurt. He hates seeing Ashton so sad and miserable. “Please tell me you ordered some coffee, or has the waitress not come over yet?”

“I got you covered,” Michael insists, tilting his head over towards their waitress. A tray of coffee in balanced on her hand, and Michael swears both Zack and Luke _moan_ over the sight of their steaming cups of coffee. “I got you and Luke two with sugar and cream, Zack and I black.” He thanks the waitress as he takes his hot cup of coffee, taking a small sip and sighing. “How you feeling Zack?”

Zack mumbles something along the lines of ‘fuck off’ under his breath, and Michael chuckles. “Don’t ever let me near Luke at parties, okay? This fucker is the reason I feel like death this morning.” He takes a drink of his coffee and a soft smile hits his face. “You are my new favorite Clifford. Hemmings, you have been dethroned.”

Luke lets out an offended gasp, crossing his arms and looking towards Ashton for support. “Ash, you still love me, right?”

The boy in question nods, eyes never leaving his coffee as he stirs his spoon around. “Always.” He says, removing the spoon and taking a long drink. Michael cringes at the thought of just how hot that must have been going down, but it doesn’t seem to bother Ashton at all. “Hard not to.”

Luke shoots Michael and Zack a winning smile, folding his arms across his chest and leaning into Ashton’s side. “Ashton is now my official new best of all time friend. The rest of you can suck a dick.”

Their waitress returns soon after their conversation comes to an end, grabbing their orders. Michael can already feel his stomach rumbling obnoxiously as the thought of food enters his brain, and his mouth is already watering at the thought of devouring the oncoming plate of chocolate chip pancakes he ordered. Normally on days off he eats a bigger meal, compared to days where he’s lucky if he can get his hands on a granola bar for breakfast. He has been anticipating this breakfast for longer than he thought.

That was also one of the perks about heading home soon. His schedule and diet seemed to fall into an easier schedule, no longer needing to worry about fitting meals in or forgetting an interview. It was just him and his own time, and he was definitely going to abuse it when he gets back to his apartment. Finally, he was going to be allowed to sleep in without missing something important, and, though his band mates tease him ruthlessly for it, he’s missed his cat.

When he wasn’t touring, he tended to get incredibly lonely. While he did have his band mates from time to time to hang out with, it was coming back to his lonesome apartment that gave him a feeling of sadness. Zack had been the one to suggest he get a cat, even going as far as leading Michael to a shelter where he could get one. It was there that Michael instantly fell in love with a Maine coon by the name of Bowie. It didn’t even take her long to warm up to Michael either; it was as if the cat just knew that she was meant to be Michael’s.

While Michael had been on tour the past five months, he had left Bowie in the care of Luke’s brother, Ben. Having no siblings himself, he normally called upon his bandmates siblings when he needed someone to watch his pet, and Ben was one of the only ones who actually took very good care of her. Ashton’s siblings had an allergy to her fur, and Zack’s older sister Samantha was far too busy to take the cat in under her care.

Besides, Ben always set pictures to Michael daily of how his precious girl was doing, and it made Michael a little homesick each time. With his flight leaving tomorrow, though, it wouldn’t take long for him to be reunited with his precious Bowie.

The strong scent of pancakes takes him out of his trip down memory lane, and the four of them barely mutter out a thank you to their waitress before they have begun stuffing their faces with the fluffy pancakes. It’s heaven in his mouth, honestly, and he feels like he’s made a pretty damn good decision to come to the hotel’s restaurant that morning. Honestly he deserves a thank you from his bandmates for this treat.

Then again, he’d prefer they thank him when their mouths are not as full with pancake.

*

When one o’clock rolls around, Michael’s nerves have risen to the surface.

He was going on a _date._ He hadn’t done that in so long he’s forgotten the feeling of being nervous, all because of the thought of needing to impress someone. Granted, he doubts anything he can do today could impress one of the most famous football players out there right now. Calum seemed to be someone who would be quite hard to impress, probably because he’s seen it all.

Great, now Michael is thinking of everyone Calum has been with and now he wants to throw up.

“You know,” Ashton’s voice says from the doorway of Michael’s hotel room, the boy watching Michael with amusement. “If you want some advice, you could start with telling me who has Michael Clifford a bundle of nerves for a first date. They must be someone special to get you all nervous.”

“You could say that,” Michael blushes, fixing his hair once more before moving towards the kitchenette and grabbing himself a glass of water. Ashton has an eyebrow raised at him, one that shouts amusement and wonder, but Michael wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of telling him who he was meeting with. “I’m hoping it goes well, so don’t jinx anything okay?”

“Oh, I don’t plan to,” Ashton chuckles, stealing an apple from the fruit basket their management sent them for a successful world tour. It was a good laugh amongst them, that out of all the things management could have gifted them with for such a successful, sold out tour, they sent a _fucking fruit basket._ “I’m happy to see you so excited and nervous over a date. It’s nice to see you giving your heart to someone again. It’s been a while.”

Michael grins. “I’m hoping it all goes well. I already really like him, Ash.” He notices Ashton’s smile dropping slowly, and he reaches forward to grab his friend’s free hand. “Hey, go spend some time with Luke and Zack today, take your mind off of it. I don’t want you wallowing alone.”

Ashton nods, taking another bite of his apple and chewing slowly. “Zack is sleeping all day, at least that is what he told me. Pretty sure Luke was meeting up with someone today. He wouldn’t tell me who.” He swallows down the bites of apple remaining in his mouth and tosses the rest in the garbage. “Think I’ll just hit the gym, maybe take a swim. I’ll be fine, Michael.” He reaches for the door and pulls it open, giving Michael one last look before saying, “Text me how your date goes, okay?”

“Of course,” Michael assures him, bidding Ashton farewell as the door closes. He thinks of cancelling his date for a moment, maybe spending a day with Ashton in hopes of getting the boy’s mind off of his failed relationship (or lack of one). Then again, Ashton probably does want to be alone. Michael doesn’t want to be the one bothering him when he wants to wallow alone.

His phone chimes with a brand new text, tearing his thoughts away from his band mate.

**From:** _Calum_

_Got us a table already, see you soon ;)_

 Michael can’t help the excited smile on his lips as he sees the emoticon on the end, and he suddenly feels like a teenager again. Shoving his phone back into his pocket, he grabs his room key and begins to head down to the lobby, where a taxi is already awaiting him.

The flutter in his chest remains the entire drive to the diner.

*

Michael is completely disgusted with Calum Hood right now. Every part of him has been offended by the words that have just spilled from his date’s mouth, and he can’t help but open his mouth wide and release a shocked gasp as he splutters out, “You’ve _never_ tried French fries with a _milkshake?”_

Calum laughs, shrugging his shoulders as he pulls his chocolate milkshake closer to him and sticks the straw in his mouth. He’d confessed to Michael that during his off season he tried to indulge himself in as many sweet treats as he could before he had to turn back to healthy eating, which automatically meant that they would be ordering milkshakes.

It was when they arrived, and Michael scooped one of his leftover fries into the drink and popped it into his mouth, that Calum expressed never having tried it.

“I’ve seen it on TV, but I figured it was some weird tasting thing that people pretended to like but didn’t really?” Calum explains, attempting to defend himself. Michael wasn’t going to be having it, of course. How was he supposed to date someone who didn’t enjoy one of the greatest diner pleasures out there?

Shoving his basket of fries over to his date, Michael folds his arms across his chest and stares him down. “Try it. I refuse to hear anything out of your mouth other than ‘Michael this is the greatest thing I’ve ever had.”

Calum rolls his eyes fondly at him, though he does reach forward and take one of the fries. He observes it silently for a moment, debating his next move, and he looks up to meet Michael’s eyes. “If you are lying,” Calum warns, dipping the fry deep into the chocolate drink and lifting it out. “You better be right.”

He pops the fry into his mouth, and Michael waits with baited breath as Calum chews. It doesn’t _look_ like he’s disgusted, but he also doesn’t show a sign that he’s pleased. It might just break the relationship (what was forming anyhow), if Calum doesn’t like the simple delicacy. Michael was very serious when it came to his treats, and he wasn’t about to have a possible relationship with someone who frowned upon a favorite.

After a few moments, Calum swallows. “Well.”

Michael lets out a frustrated huff, leaning forward in his seat. “That is not the answer I asked for my friend.”

Calum laughs, playing with the straw of his milkshake as he avoids Michael’s eyes. Michael wonders if it’s because he truly did not like the treat, but that all changes when Calum mumbles something under his breath.

“I guess it’s pretty good,” Michael hears, and he about reaches over the table and pulls Calum into a kiss. He doesn’t, but that’s only because he has some self-restraint thank you very much. He about caves, though, when Calum smirks and says, “Michael, this is the greatest thing I’ve ever had.”

“Told you so.”

*

They head to Central Park afterwards, at Calum’s suggestion. Neither of them really wanted the date to come to an end, with Calum having to leave for Liverpool the next day and wanting to spend his final days in New York doing something memorable. Michael simply didn’t want to head back to the hotel and deal with his bandmates, nor did he want to begin his own packing for when he too had to head back to Liverpool.

Besides; being in Central Park meant Michael could talk with Calum longer, discover more about the man who he’d always simply admired from billboards or video highlights on YouTube. It didn’t matter to him that they could possibly be snapped by paparazzi in the park. He just wanted to spend more moments alone with Calum without bandmates bothering him every possible minute.

“I have a phone interview with ESPN tomorrow morning that I’m definitely not looking forward to,” Calum tells him, his hands stuffed in his pockets as they stroll along. Michael wishes he could reach forward, take one of his hands and hold it, but he doesn’t. “Not only do I have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn for it, they expect me to be awake enough to talk about how I felt about this season and the upcoming season, if I’m staying in Liverpool once my contract goes up. It’s as if my previous answers were not enough for them!”

“Do you always do interviews during your off time?” Michael asks. “I mean, I do some interviews with the guys when we are supposed to be having time off, but most of the time interviews coincide with our touring schedule.”

Calum shrugs. “Most of the time my off time consists of photoshoots for the brands that sponsor me. I do a few interviews right before the season starts or directly after it ends. Luckily for me I have four months before I start the new season, so I have plenty of time to myself. My photoshoots are more spread out this time, and it gives me plenty of time to spend time with friends, family.”

“Date?” Michael mentions, though he regrets it almost a second later. “Sorry, I guess I’m kind of acting a little too eager. Normally with my time off I do the same as you said.” _Stupid recovery,_ he tells himself.

Calum doesn’t seem all too bothered by Michael’s eagerness, instead blushing and ruffling the dark curls on top of his head. “Dating is definitely something that I wish I had more time for. It’s been quite a while since I’ve actually kept a relationship with someone that didn’t end after a few weeks. Then again, most of the people I date have to be kept out of the public spotlight, you know?”

Michael nods, knowing the feeling of being hidden all too well. While Michael was out and proud within the media, Calum sure as hell wasn’t. It was a bit harder, in the sports world, to be out. Michael remembers the very few that braved it, the backlash they received. He would hate for Calum to be subjected to such scrutiny, wishes that it was easier.

Calum must have taken Michael’s silence as bad news, because now his eyes are downcast and contain a little bit of sadness. “I understand not wanting to be hidden. I mean, you are open, aren’t you? Last I checked you came out in the beginning stages of your band.”

A nod. “Yeah, I didn’t really want to hide that part of myself,” Michael admits, wanting desperately to erase the glint of sadness existing in Calum’s deep, beautiful eyes. It seemed to out of character for Calum to be sad, and Michael certainly wasn’t a fan of it. “I’m just incredibly grateful for all of the support I’ve received, from fans and critics alike. They don’t care who I choose to love, they just care about the music.”

“I wish my fans could do the same,” Calum says softly, and Michael’s heart breaks. As if he can sense the tone hanging over their heads, Calum shakes his head and puts on a fake smile, looking ahead. “Sorry, first date. I shouldn’t have dropped that entire deal on you so suddenly.”

“It’s alright,” Michael assures him, aching to grab Calum’s hand and show him just how much it didn’t bother him. “If it’s any consolation, it doesn’t change what I feel for you at the slightest. I don’t care if the only chance we have at seeing each other is in some back alley back in Liverpool or secluded into one of our apartments. I’ve had a nice time today, and I would love a chance at a second date.”

They stop at the bridge, Calum looking over it and watching the water below quietly. Michael longs for him to speak, take away the awkward silence of Michael’s confession, but Calum doesn’t say a word. Instead, he takes a quick peek of their surroundings before pecking Michael’s cheek softly, blush dusting his dark cheeks.

“How about we meet at my apartment in a few days, recover from the jet leg together with some Game of Thrones?” His eyes sparkle with various possibilities, and Michael can see their future bright and clear in front of him.

“It’s a date.”


	2. End of May

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came earlier than expected? I'm trying to keep chapters at least at 6k, or at least longer, maybe sometimes shorter. Regardless, please enjoy this chapter :)

It's the first morning in a while that Michael has managed to sleep in, and of course it had to be ruined. Nothing good ever quite lasted after tour has ended, sleep being one of the major things Michael longed to enjoy. Normally he could sleep at ungodly hours, using jet lag as the perfect excuse whenever someone tried contacting him. This time, however, there was a certain furry creature that demanded his undivided attention.

Michael can feel Bowie’s tiny paws on his bare back when he wakes up, and he’s torn between being annoyed by his cat waking him up so early and cooing at his adorable pet. He’s gentle to roll over and allow Bowie to hop off of his back, and the minute the cat notices he’s awake she’s in his face, nuzzling him with her small pink nose.

“Good morning to you too, Bowie,” Michael greets, scratching her behind her tiny ears and emitting a small purr. “Are you a hungry girl? Is that why you decided to wake me up so early?”

Bowie seems to tell him his answer as she leaps off of the bed, heading towards the kitchen of Michael’s apartment where her food bowl is located. Michael knew she would keep coming back if he just continued to lie there, and with a huff he managed to pull himself out of the warmth of his bed and towards the kitchen.

His apartment always felt unfamiliar after a long tour, and it still took Michael some time to even remember where exactly everything was in there. He was used to the tour bus or various hotels, eating fast food or stopping at restaurants to eat. Right now he can’t even recall where he placed his cat’s food yesterday, and he knew Bowie was not going to be pleased if she had to wait for her meal.

Michael had been home for nearly two weeks and he was still utterly confused on how to live life while not on tour.

After Bowie is content with her dish being filled and Michael has prepared himself a bowl of cereal, Michael finally finds himself relaxing on his living room couch and flipping through his DVR. He hasn’t had a chance to watch a lot of television during touring, and various television shows have been recorded onto his DVR and are currently anticipating being viewed. While Game of Thrones was saved for occasions with Calum, there was nothing stopping Michael from watching his recorded episodes of Grey’s Anatomy.

It started off as a joke, honestly. Michael had always been wanting to watch a new television show, and Luke had jokingly suggested that he start with the doctor drama. Michael certainly didn’t expect himself to become invested with the characters, much less become intrigued with the story lines that continued endlessly to tear him apart emotionally.

In fact, right now he was halfway through the episode in which Derek Shephard takes his final breath when his cell phone begins to ring obnoxiously from the kitchen, and now Michael wants to punch a hole in the wall. Whomever was calling him needed to understand the importance of this moment, that Michael needed some god damn _time_ to say goodbye to a beloved character.

When the phone doesn’t stop ringing, Michael hastily wipes his tears away and heads towards the kitchen, not bothering to see who is even calling before he answers with a rather harsh, “Hello?”

“I’m guessing I should call another time?”

Michael’s heart thuds erratically against his chest at the sound of Calum’s voice on the other end, and he immediately regrets the harshness behind his welcome. “Shit, sorry Cal. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“S’okay,” Calum assures him, laughter on the other end making Michael smile. It has slowly become one of his favorite things about his (boyfriend? He wasn’t sure) friend, and it certainly made Michael fall even harder for the boy. “I was just calling to see if it was still alright if I came over tonight for Game of Thrones?”

Michael’s mood seemed to automatically lift up to the heavens at Calum’s request, the heartbroken feelings of Grey’s character death leaving almost immediately. It was amazing how Calum had such an effect on his mood, that after only knowing the boy for less than a month he could change so much of Michael. He certainly wasn’t complaining, of course. It had been far too long since Michael has felt something like this when it came to another human being, and he wasn’t about to go off and ruin that.

“Sounds perfect,” Michael can feel himself blush, and he’s actually grateful Calum isn’t here in person to tease him for it. “Want me to order some take out for us or do you want me to attempt to cook again? Because I promise this time around I can nail that recipe you found.”

It had been their first official date at Calum’s apartment, and Michael insisted that he could actually cook something instead of having them order a pizza. It started off well enough, with Michael getting everything perfectly and the promise of a perfect homemade meal almost fulfilled. Of course, it had to go wrong when Michael set the time incorrectly, incidentally burning the food to the point it was inedible.

Calum hadn’t minded, much to Michael’s relief. Instead they called in Chinese and enjoyed the small cartons of Chow Mein all while watching Cersei becoming imprisoned for her revealed incestuous relationship with utter glee. (Michael has always loathed Cersei with passion, Calum finds her intriguing and demanded a comeback story for her. It was quite the amusing discussion between the two of them that night.)

Now they were finally at the beginning of the next season, and Michael couldn’t be more excited than to watch it with Calum. He couldn’t even bring himself to watch the show without him now, it was as if the show didn’t exist unless Calum was sitting right next to him, anxiously waiting for another episode with him. Michael preferred it that way, if he was to be honest.

Calum is laughing on the other end of the phone, and Michael can’t help but love the sound. “I’d prefer to just pick up a pizza, thank you. Maybe I’ll even grab a few beers while I am at it. Don’t want you destroying your oven with your attempt at cooking, okay?”

“I take offense to that thank you very much,” Michael gasps, attempting to sound offended, but only coming off as sarcastic. “You most likely have a point, though. How about you come over in about an hour, I promise I will have been showered and perfected by then.”

Calum snorts on the other end of the line. “No need for you to do that, you already are.” Okay, so Michael has no idea how he got lucky enough for a flirt like Calum to actually like him. “I’ll see you in an hour then, make sure you wear some cologne of something. I do like a guy who smells nice.” Michael swears to god he can _feel_ the sarcastic smirk on Calum through the phone before the boy hangs up, and now he feels as if Calum Hood is going to give him an early death.

Bowie is in his spot on the couch when he gets back to it, curled into a little ball and snoozing away without a single care in the world. Michael doesn’t really have the heart to move her and wake her up, instead opting for getting down to her eye level with a grin. He whispers, “Bowie, are you ready to meet the cutest boy ever?”

He doesn’t get a response, but he’s pretty sure his little cat is just as excited as he is.

*

Normally when he and Calum would have their Game of Thrones viewing parties, it would just be the two of them. Of course it would be; it was a special thing reserved for only the two of them, as close to a date as they could come to without Calum being out in the public and being seen. It was rough, not being able to be out in public and holding Calum’s hand, but Michael wasn’t even sure if they were dating anyhow. This was close enough and it was perfect.

This time however, Michael was beginning to feel like a third wheel between Calum and his god damn cat.

It was hard to get into the mood of Game of Thrones when every five minutes he could hear Bowie purring in Calum’s lap, the boy’s hand running through her fur. Calum keeps whispering little things to her, about how adorable she is and how he’s happy that Bowie likes him. Michael is glad too, honestly he is. Bowie never took strangers well, actually hated them with every little bit of her, but the fact that she instantly fell in love with Calum was surprising.

Now he kind of wishes that the cat had hated Calum and Michael would have been forced to place her in his room for the rest of the day. It would be better than his, whatever Calum was, not paying any attention to Michael at all. Hell, Calum didn’t even react when Michael rested his head on the boy’s shoulder. Michael at least would have appreciated a forehead kiss or _something._

It only makes it worse when Michael remembers that the two of them haven’t even properly kissed. They haven’t had the discussion about what they are exactly yet, mostly because Calum was nervous about the entire situation to begin with. This was his first relationship with a guy since he was younger, and the boy was obviously nervous about it all. Michael had agreed to take it slow for Calum’s sake, but now he was growing impatient. He just wanted to be able to kiss Calum, especially now when he was losing the boy’s attention to his _fucking cat._

Grabbing the remote to the television, he’s quick to pause the show and get up from his spot on the couch, startling both Bowie and Calum. The too seemed to be incredibly engrossed with each other, but Michael’s movement from the couch seemed to tear that connection away, leading the two of them to look up at Michael with confusion.

“I gotta use the restroom,” Michael mumbles quickly before darting down the hallway towards his bathroom. He doesn’t bother to explain the embarrassment of being jealous of a fucking _cat,_ because he knows how stupid it would sound coming out of his mouth. Calum would probably laugh at him. Hell, Michael would laugh if someone told him that.

Once the bathroom door has closed behind him, Michael takes a quick seat on the toilet and grumbles into his hands. He’s being stupid, truly. Calum probably thinks he’s an idiot, wondering what could have possibly happened that Michael would have gotten up and ditched him on the couch with less than a word. Or maybe Calum doesn’t even care that Michael got up and left. He probably still has Bowie on his lap and is gushing over her cute little whiskers or some shit.

He’s tempted to pull out his cell phone and text Ashton, but then he remembers that he can’t text his bandmate; not only does Ashton know nothing about Michael’s current, well, whatever with Calum, but Michael knows that the last thing Ashton needs to hear at the moment was that Michael was still dating. Ashton was still a heartbroken man, despite the efforts he, Zack, and Luke tried to cheer him up. Michael didn’t want to be the person to rub it in that he almost had a relationship while Ashton had nothing.

There’s a soft knock on his bathroom door after a short while, nearly making Michael drop his cell phone onto the tile floor. “Mike?” Calum calls softly from the other side. “Are you alright?”

Michael swallows his pride before he answers. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just didn’t realize how beer I drank while watching the show is all. Can’t really hold it all in forever.” He cringes after the words leave his mouth, but there was no turning back. “I’ll be out in a second.”

He doesn’t hear Calum walk away from the door, but he assumes that he’s already headed back into the living room. It wouldn’t surprise Michael if he finds him settled back onto the couch, Bowie already curled up into his lap just like she was before. It makes Michael a little irritated at the thought, and he knows he needs to get the hell over it. Jealous over a cat? Ridiculous.

It surprises him when he opens the bathroom door after washing his hands to find Calum standing there, Bowie nowhere in sight. One of his eyebrows is raised slightly when Michael steps out, a suspicious smirk gracing his plump lips as he looks at Michael with wonder. “You weren’t drinking anything that entire time, you know,” Calum mentions, and Michael curses himself. “Want to tell me what is really bothering you? If it’s me, I can leave.”

Michael’s eyes widen at Calum’s accusation, and he’s already shaking his head like crazy. “No! No, you are absolutely not the reason at all, fuck.” He steps out of the bathroom completely, resting his still slightly damp hands on Calum’s bare arms to keep the boy there, listening. “It’s stupid, but it’s actually about Bowie.”

Calum snorts, but it doesn’t sound rude. More of a laughter, really. “Your cat? Babe, are you jealous of me spending time with your cat?”

Based on Michael’s face exploding with blush, Calum finds his answer. Michael can just feel how hot his face is as the truth has finally been revealed, and he knows Calum will never let him live this down at all. “I know it’s stupid,” Michael pouts, covering his face with his hands to hide his shame. “I just like our Game of Thrones viewings to just be, well, us? Then Bowie started hogging your attention and I got jealous? I like when I have your attention, or at least Jon Snow does.”

Calum laughs. Michael expected that, of course, but what he doesn’t expect is for Calum to cup his face and smile at him with crinkled eyes. He’s beautiful, and if he wasn’t laughing at _Michael,_ the boy would be more pleased. “Just so you know, you will always have my undivided attention. Bowie, or even Jon Snow, has nothing on you.”

It’s then that Calum rids the space between them, pressing his lips against Michael’s in what will forever, in Michael’s mind, be the best kiss he’s ever had. It’s their first kiss, and it’s nothing short of perfect. It’s cheesy, really, how perfectly their lips belong together, as if Michael’s world hadn’t been close to complete until Calum held him in his arms and kissed him. It’s perfect, and Michael no longer had doubts in his mind that Calum wasn’t interested.

When Calum pulls back, he’s smiling just as big as Michael. “How about we finish up out there, huh? I’m dying to find out if Sansa gets her revenge on that asshole Ramsay.” He presses a soft kiss to Michael’s nose before their hands have connected, Calum leading him back to the living room and automatically curling into him the minute they sit. Bowie curls up by their feet, content with being by herself for now.

“Hey Cal?” Michael asks a short while later, clearing his throat. “What are we? Are we boyfriends?”

Without even a single moment of hesitation, Calum gives him an answer that Michael has been looking forward to. “I’d like to be your boyfriend. Is that alright?”

Michael simply grins, pressing a soft kiss to the top of Calum’s mess of hair. “Yeah, it’s definitely alright.”

*

Calum eventually falls asleep on Michael’s couch, nestled into the boy’s embrace comfortably. Michael had managed to turn off Game of Thrones the minute he noticed his boyfriend doze off, not wanting him to miss a single moment of the show, but now he’s in a bit of a situation; his cell phone is ringing and the last thing he wants to do is startle Calum awake.

It’s right there, nestled on the coffee table and lighting up with Ashton’s name. He could easily reach the phone and just slide decline, but one wrong movement could easily jostle Calum awake and that would mean he would be heading home. Michael didn’t want Calum to leave just yet, and he certainly didn’t want the boy out of his embrace. It felt comfortable with Calum in his arms, and he preferred it to anything else.

Slowly, Michael moves Calum onto the pillow behind him, making sure that the boy doesn’t drop harshly onto the couch as Michael moves to get up and grab his still vibrating phone. He’s grateful that the only thing Calum does is let out a breath before adjusting himself into a comfortable position, light snores leaving his mouth as he snuggles into the pillow. It’s adorable, really, and Michael is tempted to take a picture.

Taking his phone back towards his bedroom, Michael slides his thumb across the screen and holds it up to his ear. “Ash, I’m a little busy right now.”

He doesn’t expect it when he hears his bandmate sniffle into the phone, the undeniable sign that his friend was crying into the phone. Michael’s heart breaks for the boy, and now he feels bad for how harsh he sounded when he answered. He should have known better, really; the boy was fragile and heartbroken still, despite how long it’s been since _she who must not be named_ left.

“Sorry,” Ashton whispers sadly, voice obviously hoarse from crying. “Luke isn’t answering his phone because he’s _out with some girl_ and Zack has his phone off while he’s out on some adventure, I don’t know.”

Michael sighs softly, shutting his bedroom door softly and taking a seat on his bed as his friend cries into the phone. It hurts so much to hear his friend fall completely apart, all while Michael was still thriving from the fact that he’s someone’s _boyfriend._ He has someone who cares for him, holds him, and Ashton has lost that. It wasn’t fair; if anyone in the world was supposed to have someone to love them, Michael truly believed Ashton was worthy of that honor more than anyone.

“Ash,” Michael whispers, an attempt to get his friend to calm down. “I know it hurts, I do. That bitch will always be on my list for breaking you the way she did. You can’t let her get under your skin though, okay? You do that and it makes her look like a champion while you remain on the bench.”

“Can I come over? I’d feel better if I wasn’t alone, Mikey. No one is answering their phones.”

Michael thinks of Calum, fast asleep on his living room couch, and wonders if it was a good idea to invite Ashton over. It’s obvious the boy needs the company, and Michael is more than willing to allow Ashton into his apartment for the night to cheer him up. It was the fact that Calum was here, however, that had Michael hesitating. He knew that Calum didn’t want people to know of his sexuality yet, and they haven’t even _had_ the discussion of if it was okay if Michael’s bandmates knew. He didn’t want to betray Calum’s trust that easily, not when they just became official. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

“Half an hour okay?” Michael blurts out, knowing his love for his friend came before his relationship. He’d just have to send Calum home, that was all. As much as he didn’t want the boy to leave, it was better than outing him to someone before he was ready. It wouldn’t be fair. “I have someone over and I’ll just tell them that an emergency came up.”

Silence. “Fuck, you are on a date too, aren’t you?”

Michael sighs. “It’s alright, Ashton. He won’t mind leaving, especially if it’s because a friend needs me. You need someone right now, bud, and I’m not going to let you be alone tonight. I promise.” He almost lets loose Calum’s name, but he’s grateful he caught himself in the nick of time. “I’ll leave the door unlocked for you, okay? I’m here.”

After hanging up with Ashton, he tiptoes gently into the living room. Calum is still sound asleep, Bowie now curled up to him asleep with him. Michael hates to wake him up when he looks so incredibly peaceful, but he doesn’t want to risk betraying Calum’s trust by outing him without his permission. He’s already confirmed with Ashton that he was, in fact, on a date. It would be far too easy for his friend to connect the dots and realize that Michael’s date was Liverpool star Calum Hood.

He lightly shakes Calum’s shoulder, admiring the way Calum’s eyes flutter open softly and a sleepy smile appears on his lips when his eyes land on Michael. “I didn’t even realize I fell asleep,” Calum admits, leaning forward and pressing a soft, gentle kiss to Michael’s lips. It almost makes Michael change his mind about sending Calum away. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Michael assures him, moving his hand through the thick curls on Calum’s head. “I didn’t want to wake you, but Ashton is on his way here. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to meet him or if you’d prefer to leave.”

Calum hums, nestling himself further into the pillow Michael provided him with. “I don’t really feel like getting up, that is for sure.” He grins at Michael, his own hand reaching up to Michael’s face and holding it in his palm. “Thank you for checking with me, but I don’t mind if he comes over. I don’t want you to have to keep us a secret from your friends. It isn’t fair for you.”

“I’m more concerned for you than me at the moment,” Michael admits, holding Calum’s hand in place before kissing the palm gently. “If you say it’s alright, then I believe you.”

Calum nods, releasing a quiet yawn. “Michael? Just because I’m not ready to tell the entire world about my sexuality, that doesn’t mean you can’t tell anyone about me. I mean, depending on who you tell of course.” He sits up, reaching for Michael’s hands and holding them in his gently. “The people I care about knowing, they know. The only place we need to keep us a secret is in public with the press. Other than that, I am fully and completely yours.”

“I just don’t want you feeling uncomfortable,” Michael confesses, tracing his fingers across Calum’s knuckles. “Your safety and comfort zone are incredibly important to me, because I have been in your position. It was terrifying when I first was thrusted into the spotlight with my band. There are so many critics and fans out there waiting for you to fuck up, and I didn’t want them to find it on their own. Sometimes I regret coming out in the beginning stages, but at the same time I was happy to have gotten it out of the way.” He kisses Calum’s nose, adoring the way his face scrunches up the minute Michael’s lips make contact with his skin. “You take all the time you need, okay? I’ll always be here.”

Calum snorts fondly. “We’ve only been seeing each other for what, two weeks? This is a pretty deep conversation for such a short relationship.” The two of them laugh amongst themselves, but Calum doesn’t seem bothered by the fact. He seems happy, content. “I’m glad to have found someone who understands. Thank you.”

There’s a soft knock on the door, announcing Ashton’s presence at the apartment. Michael doesn’t miss the way Calum goes tense, and it stops him from going towards the door. His hand remains in Calum’s, and he looks at the boy cautiously. “Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

Calum softly nods, though there is a small amount of worry lingering in his eyes. “I’ll be alright. I’m not going to make you send him away.” He gives Michael a soft push towards the door, an assuring smile on his face before he lies back down and snuggles into the pillow. “I’m going back to sleep though, I’m tired. Is that alright?”

Michael grins, kissing Calum’s forehead before heading towards the front door. “Sleep well. I’ll try to keep the volume down.” He doesn’t await a response from the tired boy before he’s heading towards the door, opening it up to reveal a miserable looking Ashton. Just as Michael had suspected, Ashton’s eyes are red rimmed from crying and the boy’s face looks pale, lifeless. “Ash.” Michael says solemnly, gathering his friend into a much needed hug.

“Sorry for interrupting your date,” Ashton mumbles, tugging his shirt as he looks over towards the couch, where Calum has dozed back to sleep. A joking smile, although wobbly, appears of Ashton’s lips when he sees the snoozing boy. “Were you that boring?”

Michael doesn’t even bother to act offended, instead keeping an arm around his friend and holding him close. “I thought you were doing better, what happened this time?”

Ashton sighs, taking a seat at Michael’s kitchen table and running a hand through his golden hair. “I found pictures on Instagram of Amber, hanging out with some friends. I guess she’s already moved on, because a lot of them were of her and some guy kissing each other like fucking animals.” He rubs his eyes, and Michael wonders if he’s all out of tears. The boy looks more aching from crying than ready for another outburst of tears. “I tried calling Zack, who is normally the one who cheers me up with some stupid joke, but I forgot about his little adventure halfway across the world with his family. Then I tried calling Luke and he brushed me off because he and some girl I’ve never heard him mention were on a date.”

Michael notices how tense Ashton seems the minute he mentions Luke, but he chooses to ignore it. Now wasn’t the time to wonder if something was going on between his bandmates, if some bad blood was rising. They always had little arguments with each other, on tour or on hiatus, and they usually faded away in a week. Michael didn’t really need to worry. “Tea?” He asks instead, and Ashton nods.

While the kettle boils, Ashton looks over towards Calum and juts out a thumb. “Is that the guy you met up with back in New York? The one you were getting all dressed up for?”

Michael nods, a little bit of blush dusting his cheeks. He can’t believe how self-conscious he was for the first date, but that was before he got to know Calum more. Michael viewed him as someone who needed to be impressed; Truth was that Calum already was. “Yeah, that’s him.”

Ashton hums, turning his attention away from Calum and back towards Michael, a gentle smile on his lips. “He’s already got you all blushing at the mention of his name too. Here I was thinking he was just going to be a one-night thing too.”

Michael shakes his head at his friend’s words, the thought of Calum only being someone he’d spend the night with making him feel sick. Calum deserved so much more than that, and on top of that Michael wasn’t exactly the kind of person to only have a one-night fling. He tried, back when the band was just starting up, but he felt filthy. He liked having a connection with someone, even if they only managed to have two dates. Flings were never his forte, and with Calum? Michael had a good feeling about their future.

The kettle rings out loudly, and Michael can tell it’s startled Calum from his sleep. He curses the kettle silently, despite knowing that it doesn’t purposefully ring out loudly. Ashton turns to look at Calum the exact same time Michael does to see the boy stirring awake, rubbing his eyes and mumbling out something about tea being ready.

“You want a cup?” Ashton asks him, and while Calum seems confused by another voice other than Michael’s being in the room, he nods silently before rubbing his eyes once more. “Sorry if we woke you, Michael always makes me a cup of tea when I’m upset. I didn’t even think about how it would disturb you from your sleep.”

“All is good,” Calum groans, reaching forward for the cup Michael provides him with a taking a drink. He places his mug down on the coffee table before giving Ashton a soft wave, a gentle welcoming smile on his face. “I’m Calum, by the way. Ashton, right?”

It seems something clicks in Ashton’s head at the introduction, because his eyes bulge slightly as he looks between Calum and Michael. Michael was surprised he didn’t notice who the boy was when he looked at him sleeping on the couch the minute he walked through the door, honestly. Then again, maybe it was just Michael who could recognize him on the spot, as slightly creepy as that was. “Calum Hood?” Ashton tries to understand.

Calum nods, taking another sip of tea. “That is me.” He states, getting up from the couch with his mug and walking towards the kitchen and taking a seat near Ashton at the kitchen table. “I figured Michael would have introduced me earlier, or at least before I woke up. I guess he didn’t get around to it.”

“No, he didn’t,” Ashton says, turning to look at his bandmate with a questionable look. “I thought Luke was joking when he said you had a massive crush on Calum Hood? I mean, I know you watched a lot of his game highlights but I thought it was because you actually genuinely liked the sport!”

Michael blushes deeply at the embarrassment behind his friend’s words, though Calum doesn’t seem all that bothered by the confession. In fact, he shares his own blushing face, looking at Michael almost adoringly. “Well, he better like the sport if he’s thinking of dating me.” Calum jokes, and Ashton actually giggles at the boy’s words.

“I do like the sport!” Michael protests, aghast that his boyfriend and friend were both joining in on picking on him. He doesn’t care how quickly they seem to get on with each other, he cares that they chose to use that fact and go against him. “You’d think I’d sit through highlight videos just because of _Calum?_ I mean, yeah, I guess he could be considered a _bonus_.”

Ashton shakes his head, taking another drink of his tea with a gentle smile on his lips. “I can’t believe you hid this from me! Did you think I would just blurt it out to everyone or something?”

Michael shakes his head, though he knows it is half of the truth. Of course he was worried about Calum being outed accidentally, because he knows that fear. It could ruin Calum’s entire career, and Michael did not want to be the person who did that to someone. He knew he could trust his bandmates, but there was a good reason he didn’t tell Ashton.

“Not exactly,” Michael tells him, drinking from his own mug of tea. “I was more worried about you getting more upset.” He sighs, setting his mug down on the table and stepping towards Ashton. His friend seems to understand, his eyes now downcast and full of emotion like they were when he first stepped into the apartment. “You had just been left, the last thing I wanted to do was put my relationship on display in front of you. It made me seem like a jackass, and least in my eyes it did.”

“Do the other guys know?”

Michael shakes his head. “You are the only person besides Calum and I who knows. I mean, Calum isn’t exactly out yet, so he hasn’t really told anyone? Out of anyone I know I knew you would be the one who wouldn’t say anything, and the last thing I wanted to do was keep something a secret from my bandmate and best friend.”

Ashton smiles at Michael’s words, looking between his bandmate and his boyfriend. “Well, I can promise I won’t tell a single person about you guys. After all, it’s not even my place to say anything about something I am not a part of.” He gets up from his seat, placing his mug in the sink before leaning against it and grinning at his friend once more. “Besides, my friend being happy is more important than my happiness, at least in my eyes. Don’t feel like you need to protect me by not being a couple around me. I don’t mind, really.”

“Your happiness is important to me, though,” Michael insists, walking over to Ashton and pulling his best friend into a hug. Ashton’s arms are tight around his waist, and Michael knows he needed to hear those words. “I promise I’m going to help you get over this bitch, okay? Don’t even bother hesitating with telling me if Cal and I are being gross and too cute around you, alright?”

Ashton laughs, patting Michael’s back and releasing his grip around his friend. “I think I’d be more annoyed if it was Luke and whatever person he’s seeing that would bug me more. Kid has no sense of privacy.”

“I think it’s called being an exhibitionist,” Calum chimes in with a cheesy grin, and Ashton chuckles along with him.

“I like him,” Ashton tells Michael, walking over to Calum and patting the boy’s arm. “I like you. Don’t you dare fuck that up.”

Calum looks past the drummer towards Michael, a fond smile on his face and a soft twinkle in his whiskey eyes. “I won’t, I promise.”

Michael knows he’s speaking to him, not Ashton, and it makes his heart flutter. “Promise?” he repeats, and Calum’s answer is all he needs.

“I promise.”

*

Calum ends up dozing off on the couch once again about an hour later, all with Ashton and Michael settled on either side of him playing a video game Michael lost interest in far too long ago. It’s kept Ashton in a good mood, though, and Michael would rather his best friend be distracted from his pain then have the silence bring it to the front of his mind.

Calum’s head is resting in his lap, Michael careful not to jostle him too much as he dukes it out against Ashton in a rousing game of Mortal Kombat X. Really, he should have moved Calum to the guest room with how much he and Ashton are moving around, but Calum seemed quite peaceful sleeping in his lap that Michael didn’t bother. He just has to be more careful is all.

After getting his ass kicked (again, fuck Ashton honestly), Michael sets down his controller gently and turns to Ashton, who seems pleased with himself to have defeated Michael. A smile on Ashton’s face reminds Michael of how the boy should always be, radiating as bright as the sun and smiling. It’s perfect, and it makes Michael happy to see his friend out of the darkness he dug himself into.

“I forgot to ask you earlier,” Michael says, shutting of the television and placing his hand gently in Calum’s hair. The boy doesn’t budge. “Are you and Luke not getting along? It seemed you were pretty bothered with him earlier.”

The minute the words leave his mouth he can tell he’s made a mistake. Ashton tenses, visibly, as if Michael just slapped him across the face instead of asking a question. For a second Michael wonders if Luke maybe made some asshole comment about Amber leaving that hurt Ashton’s feelings, and bringing it up would send Ashton back into the downward spiral he was in.

That was, until, Ashton simply sighed and rubbed a hand across his face before responding with, “I made a stupid ass comment about him going through girl after girl and he didn’t exactly appreciate it. I’ve tried apologizing, but I think he can easily tell that I don’t mean it.”

Ashton wasn’t wrong: Luke has been going out a lot more lately with various different girls, all of whom Michael never even knew their names before they were gone. It seemed strange to him that Luke was doing such a thing, but he had already written it off as Luke attempting to live the rock star lifestyle of never settling down. He was sure that was all it was. Right?

“That’s it?” Michael asks, a little surprised. “I expected something worse! Luke is just a stubborn asshole is all.”

Ashton seems to agree with him, but his expression doesn’t seem to change. “After that he told me that maybe the reason Amber left was because she knew I didn’t really care about her. Which is a lie, of course. I cared about her a lot.” He sniffles a little, and Michael now worries if he was going to start crying again. “I wouldn’t go as far as saying I was in love with her, but a part of me wondered if we could actually get there, you know?”

“Yet you still tried calling him tonight to cheer you up.”

Ashton nods. “I don’t like fighting with you guys, Luke especially. He’s the one who takes it the hardest, and I hate hurting his feelings. It’s like a kicking a tiny puppy.” He gets up from the couch and stretches out his back, releasing a loud yawn as he does so. “I think I’m going to head home now, maybe get some sleep. Thanks for listening tonight, and for introducing me to sleepy head over here.”

Michael looks down at his dozing boyfriend, grinning. “Of course. Listen, Ashton, if you need someone to talk to about _her,_ or even your argument with Luke, you know I’m here, right? I’m sure Zack will listen once he gets back from whatever adventure he’s on right now too. Band mates listen, you know that?”

Ashton nods. “Tell Calum I said bye, alright? I’d like to get to know him better later on too, got that? He seems to be a perfect fit for you in my eyes.” He bids Michael a final farewell before he’s heading out the door, leaving Michael alone with Calum fast asleep in his lap.

It doesn’t take long for Michael to fall asleep on the couch either, despite the uncomfortable position he’s left in due to trying not to jostle Calum awake. Bowie sleeps at Calum’s feet now, already taking Ashton’s spot and dozing off in an instant. Michael’s always been jealous of his pet’s ability to fall asleep instantly.

Instead, he’s kept awake by wonders if Ashton really was going to be okay, his entire mess with Luke. Michael hated having rifts in the band, and he hoped they could get their shit sorted out before they went off of hiatus.

Calum stirs in his lap, and Michael keeps his hand tangled within his boyfriend’s hair as he attempts to sleep as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on tumblr at lucasashtons :)


	3. June

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note before this chapter begins: There are two articles in here by completely made up news websites/magazines/etc., mostly to fill in what exactly their relationship is to the public eye. I also didn't go into total detail of Calum's match, mostly because I myself don't have incredible knowledge of the sport and didn't want to half ass attempt to. 
> 
> Thank you for all the love and support of this fic so far, it means the absolute world to me that you guys love it so far. Love you all super duper much!!
> 
> Also the 'picture attached' for the one article is this [pic](http://66.media.tumblr.com/89233e487acfdaf39587ba68e575b04e/tumblr_o8v771oHeU1trq9l0o2_1280.jpg)

Calum’s phone is ringing obnoxiously somewhere within the vicinity of Michael’s bedroom, the sound of what Michael believes is his own voice singing about having someone wrapped around his finger rising him from his deep slumber. He’s not sure what volume his boyfriend has his phone on, but he hopes the phone shuts the hell up before it wakes Calum. Not because he wants Calum to miss whomever is calling him, but mostly because Calum is settled so nicely into Michael’s body, snoring away softly, and Michael doesn’t want him to _leave._

Calum’s been spending the night at Michael’s more often than not lately, and while Michael certainly isn’t complaining about having him over more, he wonders what exactly was prompting the boy to be here more than his own apartment. Michael has been to Calum’s apartment quite often, and it’s far more glamorous than anything Michael has in his own place. Hell, Calum has a bed big enough to fit at _least_ fifteen people, and everything within the place was bound to be expensive. All Michael had in his apartment was video game figurines, game guide books lining his book shelves. It was almost like he was still a fourteen-year-old who lived off of nacho cheese Doritos and chugged Mountain Dew.

For some reason, though, Calum loved his place more than his own.

Calum’s phone goes off once more, once again Michael smiling softly at the fact that his boyfriend’s ringtone just happened to be one of his songs. He wonders if Calum has done it on purpose, or if he’s had the song as his ringtone since before they had met. After all, Calum had openly confessed to being a fan of Michael’s band previously. Nonetheless, it still brought a smile to Michael’s face and a flutter to his heart.

This time Calum stirs awake slowly, much to Michael’s chagrin. His hand moves softly up Michael’s bare chest as he opens his eyes, trying to pull himself up to go for his phone. If Michael’s correct, it’s still in the pocket of Calum’s expensive jeans on the floor, where the boy had just carelessly thrown them before he went to sleep last night.

Which meant that Calum had to actually get out of bed to get it.

“Let it go to voicemail,” Michael pouts, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and pulling him towards him. Calum giggles, turning himself in Michael’s arms and resting their foreheads together as Michael kisses his nose sweetly. “Stay in bed with me, cuddle.”

Calum presses a good morning kiss of sorts to Michael’s lips, wriggling out of the boy’s grasp before grabbing his phone up off of the ground and sliding answer. Michael pouts even more at his boyfriend’s choice to ignore him, crossing his arms and leaning against his headboard. It was an attempt, at least, to keep Calum in bed and ignore responsibility. He hopes whoever called his boyfriend was actually important, because if it ended up just being one of Calum’s teammates he’d have to hunt them down and _destroy them._

“That sounds fantastic!” he hears Calum chirp from where he’s moved to the hallway, possibly for some privacy for the phone call. He sounds happy, ecstatic even, and Michael wonders what news he’s received. He can’t think of anything Calum has been nervous about hearing, such as photoshoots or early practices for the upcoming season. Some mornings his boyfriend has attended training sessions with the rest of the team, sessions that Michael could have attended but chose otherwise. Mostly because he’s not one to rise early and stand in the freezing cold of England, but also because Calum’s teammates would most definitely question his presence.

He wasn’t exactly ready to explain to them everything yet; hell, he’s only told his bandmates and _mother_ that he was in a relationship. Only Ashton was the one who actually knew whom he was dating, but that’s because he could trust Ashton with keeping a secret. He loves his mother, loves Luke and Zack, but the three of them always seemed to have trouble with keeping their mouths shut when it came to personal secrets. Luke would end up blabbing to a friend outside of the band if he got drunk enough, and Michael was damn sure his mother would be spilling it all over Facebook if she had a moment.

Besides, he’d rather have Calum be ready for everyone to know than anything else.

Calum returns to the bedroom a few minutes later, face lit up brightly with an eye crinkling smile as he flops back down on Michael’s bed. He’s tossed his phone back onto the floor carelessly as he moves up to meet Michael’s face, kissing him smack on the lips. It takes Michael by surprise, the sudden kiss his boyfriend is giving him, but he doesn’t bother with questioning it. Calum’s lips on his was one of the greatest sensations he’s ever felt, and he wasn’t about to deny such a pleasure.

It ends sooner than he’d like, but it’s only because Calum has pulled away with his smile returning. “Guess who I just got off the phone with?”

Michael doesn’t exactly care how Calum was talking to, but that’s mostly because they prevented early morning cuddles and kisses from happening. Regardless of his bitter feelings towards the person on the other end of the phone, he still replies, “Someone who made you smile?”

Calum giggles, tucking his head under Michael’s and curling in close to his boyfriend. “It was my manager, with news about the charity match in Brazil I was telling you about? Well, as it turns out, I have been asked to represent Liverpool in the game.”

He doesn’t mean to, but Michael tenses at Calum’s words. He remembers Calum mentioning Brazil about two weeks ago, discussing how much this charity match he could possibly be selected for was going to be such an opportunity for him. Of course Michael was happy for him, and of course he was rooting for Calum to be selected for such a thing, but now that he actually _has_ been chosen? It reminds him of the other part Calum mentioned about the game: he’d be gone for almost an entire _week._

It was ridiculous, really. Michael should know that Calum can’t always be glued to his side throughout the entire relationship. Clinginess isn’t something people admire when it comes to their lovers anyhow. Michael needs space, and he knows Calum needs it as well. Too much love and affection can suffocate the two until they break up because of it. It’s healthy to have some space. It’s just, well, Michael doesn’t want that just yet.

Sure, he’s going to have to adapt to it once the real football season starts, and when he returns with the band on tour. That’s something that will be inevitable, but he has also been avoiding the thought of that as well.

Calum notices his boyfriend’s reaction almost immediately, lifting himself up to meet Michael’s eyes with his own worried expression. “Is everything okay?”

He hates making Calum upset. It doesn’t look right, it’s not an emotion that fits Calum at all. Sadness looks so incredibly _wrong_ on someone as bright and vibrant as Calum. It’s something that needs to be reversed immediately, and Michael plans on doing such. “Of course! I’m happy, I’m so incredibly happy for you Calum. This is such a golden opportunity for you.” He casts his eyes down, embarrassed to admit how he feels to his boyfriend in the moment. It’s such a ridiculous reason to want Calum to stay, really. “I’m just going to miss you a lot when you leave. I mean, I know we are going to have some days apart, weeks, months even. It’s just a part of our lives. I just don’t think I’ve prepared myself for that yet.”

After the words leave his mouth, he expects one of two things to happen: Calum to insist that he feels the same way and tell him it’s okay, or Calum to roll his eyes and tell Michael to get over it. What he doesn’t expect is for his boyfriend to laugh, resting his head back against Michael’s chest and giggling into Michael’s skin. “Babe,” he chokes out between laughter, patting Michael’s chest with his hand. “I’m taking you with me, you know.”

Michael’s eyes widen in disbelief at Calum’s words. “Wait. You want me to come _with_ you?”

Calum laughs, nodding and curling himself back into Michael’s embrace. “Of course I want you to come with me! This charity match means the world to me right now, and despite the short amount of time we’ve been dating, you mean the world to me as well.” He presses a soft kiss to Michael’s jaw, grinning against it. Michael wonders if he can feel just how quickly his heart is currently beating. “If you want to come, of course.”

It’s possibly the most ridiculous thing Calum has ever asked him the entirety of their relationship. There wasn’t a chance in hell Michael was going to say no, especially because it meant an entire week alone with Calum in the beauty of Brazil. It’s rare to have an entire _week_ with his boyfriend that hasn’t been interrupted by either one of his bandmates or by Calum’s obligations to either his modeling contract or his teammates. An entire week, only briefly interrupted by the obligations of the charity match? Michael wasn’t about to pass such a thing up.

The only thing that’s really got him worried is the fact that the charity event itself is to be heavily publicized. Calum isn’t ready to be out yet, and Michael’s certain if paps see him around the match there are bound to be rumors spread about. It shouldn’t bother him that much, rumors that he could easily deny with just a kindly worded tweet, but at the same time he knows the paparazzi. He knows once they find an interesting story they stick with it. Seeing Michael Clifford at the charity match and spending time getting cozy with one Calum Hood? It was bound to raise a few eyebrows.

He doesn’t let that bother him, though, at least not visibly. Instead he lifts Calum’s chin up, pressing his own lips against Calum’s in a assuring kiss that tells his boyfriend the answer he needed to hear: “When do we leave?”

*

“So let me get this straight,” Luke clears his throat, pushing his glass of water aside as he leans forward in his chair, locking eyes with Michael as he speaks. “You are ditching me and Ashton for Brazil for an entire week to watch your boyfriend play and mingle with a bunch of other football players?”

Michael laughs, swirling his French fry around in the pool of ketchup on his plate before popping into his mouth. “You are making it sound like I’m never coming back.” He snorts, leaning back against the booth seat of the restaurant and looking out the window at the awfully gloomy looking day. Just seeing the weather outside already has him anticipating being in Brazil with his boyfriend, where it was definitely sunnier and warm. “It’s just a week.”

Luke rolls his eyes, turning to his left and elbowing Ashton to gain his attention back into the conversation. “Ash, tell Michael how unfair it is that he gets to go to Brazil without us.”

Ashton looks up from his cell phone with confusion, the conversation obviously has been background noise to whatever he had been previously doing. He sets his phone down onto the table, looking between Luke and Michael before sighing. “I say Michael can do whatever he wants with his boyfriend. After all, I’d rather not spend an entire week with those two. I would probably want to toss myself into the ocean after five minutes.”

Michael doesn’t even bother with pretending to be offended, instead offering a bright grin towards his friend. “Not my fault my boyfriend deserves all the affection in the world. Can’t blame me for wanting to give him the good things in life.”

Luke snorts, crossing his arms against his chest. “Ah, yes, the good things. I don’t believe shoving your tongue down his throat is a good thing. All of that saliva could possibly drown him one of these days you know.” He pushes his half empty plate towards Ashton, who eyes with the remaining tater tots with want. “Chow down Irwin, the thought of Michael devouring his boyfriend made me lose my appetite.”

“Sounds like someone is just jealous,” Michael notes, bringing his water glass to his lips. “You know Luke, jealously does not look pretty on you.”

Luke doesn’t bother with a joking comeback, something that Michael knows he always has on the tip of his tongue. Instead he’s beginning to look uncomfortable, his blue eyes scanning the restaurant and locking with someone across from them. His entire expression changes then, his eyes now becoming downcast as he plays with the straw in his drink. Michael quirks an eyebrow towards Ashton, hoping his friend has an answer, only for Ashton to shake his head.

“Becca is here,” Ashton notes, subtly nodding towards a booth a little way from them. Michael turns in his seat, observing the various people dining and comes across the figure of the girl in question. She seems to be eating with a few of her friends, a large smile on her face as she glances at the menu. Ashton scoots in closer towards Michael, whispering quietly enough for only him to hear. “Her and Luke broke up the other day, he won’t tell me why. I’m guessing it didn’t end well though.”

Michael has seen his friends go through plenty of break ups over the past few years. He watches Zack distract himself from his break up with a high school sweetheart by throwing himself into song writing, denying anything was wrong with him before bursting out into tears a few weeks in. He witnessed Ashton have a meltdown over the past few weeks with his break up with Amber, only to have recently been recovering enough that the mention of her name no longer breaks the boy. The only break up he’s seen Luke had been back before the band even began, and the boy had shut any and all friends out for nearly a month before he showed back up with a smile and denial that he was ever sad.

This Luke? This wasn’t Luke being sad about a break up. In Michael’s eyes it seemed as if Luke was keeping something hidden, something that led Michael to believe that maybe he initiated the break up and didn’t want to be seen by his ex. It made more sense, that was for sure. “Luke?” he pushes, nudging his friend’s foot in order to gain the boy’s attention. “I didn’t know you and Becca broke up. That didn’t last long.” He actually cringes at his words the minute they leave his mouth, realizing just how insensitive they sound. He didn’t mean to come across that way, and he hopes Luke realizes that.

“Just realized some things,” Luke shrugs, still avoiding eye contact and playing with the straw in his near empty drink. “I don’t think things would have worked out with her anyhow. I think I’m a better man when I’m single, you know? I perform better, I write better songs. I don’t know, I’m just not ready to really talk about it.”

Michael doesn’t feel convinced, and he can tell Ashton is wanting to hear more. They don’t push for more information from their friend, but the look Michael shares with the drummer says it all; Luke was definitely keeping something from them, and Michael wondered if he should get Luke alone and have the boy talk about it or wait for him to come to Michael himself.

He doesn’t know when it happened, but Michael feels like he’s assumed the role as band therapist.

“Luke,” he says gently, reaching a hand out to bring the boy’s gaze back up to him. He doesn’t appear sad at all, more distant and detached than anything. It still makes Michael wonder just what is happening within his band, though, as to why all of them seem to be hurting or distant. Maybe it was just this hiatus that seemed to be throwing all of them off. “Do you want to say something? You don’t have to hide things from us.”

Luke only shakes his head, flagging down their waitress and rattling off an order for a round of milkshakes before he turns his attention back to his friends. “Nothing I’m ready to admit just yet, okay? I promise I’ll tell you guys when I’m ready to.” The subject changes immediately afterwards, Luke clearing his throat and asking Ashton something about seeing a movie once ‘Michael is out of their lives for a week’, and it seems as though everything is going back to normal.

Still, the lingering feeling that something was going on that Michael wasn’t aware of stayed. He knows being in a new relationship has left him a little distant from his friends, but he didn’t think it would isolate him completely from their lives. He could be overreacting, he knows this, but with until today he didn’t even _know_ the name of the girl Luke had been seeing. He only knew about her because Ashton barely mentioned her once the night he fell apart nearly a month ago.

He’s beginning to wonder if a week away from Calum might actually be something he should just endure.

*

Calum comes over for dinner that night, a bright, chipper smile on his face as he enters the apartment. Michael’s noticed how his boyfriend has practically been on cloud nine since the announcement of the charity match, acting far more cheerful than ever and smiling as if he will never smile again. Michael loves it, he does. It makes his boyfriend appear radiant and bright, and there was nothing more beautiful than a smiling, cheerful Calum in living room.

Michael steps away from the stove for a moment, allowing the vegetables to steam a while as he steps towards Calum and takes his boyfriend’s hands. “Someone is in a good mood,” he notes, bringing Calum closer so he can press an adoring kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “Still excited about Brazil or is there something else you are awfully chipper about?”

“Mostly Brazil,” Calum laughs, kissing Michael gently once more before settling himself down onto the living room couch. “You have no idea how excited I am to go on a week-long vacation with you. I mean, I’m technically working two days of that week, but I’m also spending alone time with someone I’ve really been getting to know and _that_ puts me in a really good mood.” He opens his arms up for Michael to fall into, and Michael chuckles before obliging eagerly.

“I was thinking about it,” Michael begins, playing with Calum’s fingers and tracing over the tattoos on his boyfriend’s hands. “What am I going to do while you are off at practice? I mean, I could go to the stadium with you and watch you in action, but I just have a bad feeling about the press being there and asking too many questions- “

Calum seems to stiffen, his arms moving from holding Michael to resting awkwardly on his lap. “I didn’t even think about that,” Calum admits, taking Michael’s own hand and stroking the knuckles softly. “I knew it was going to be a little difficult, because the match will be highly publicized and all, but I didn’t think about how hard it would be taking you to places without them asking questions.”

“We could always tell them I’m just a fan supporting a friend,” Michael chimes in, resting his head against Calum’s lap and letting his eyes slip shut. “Though it will be incredibly hard for me not to kiss you in public. Really, you shouldn’t be so adorable and this could be a little easier.”

Calum laughs, though it’s short and feels forced. Michael opens his eyes and stares up at his boyfriend, noticing his smile has disappeared now only to be replaced by a thoughtful look. “Cal,” Michael whispers, reaching up and cupping his boyfriend’s face in his hands. He adjusts himself to straddle Calum’s lap, keeping eye contact with him as he speaks. “Really, it will be okay. I shouldn’t have brought it up, I made you lose your happiness didn’t I?”

“I’m still happy,” Calum mentions, a hand reaching up to hold Michael’s wrist. “You make me happy, it’s hard not to be happy around you. I’m just thinking about having to keep you a secret our entire vacation and realizing just how difficult I’m making everything for you. If I was out, we wouldn’t be having this issue.”

Michael wants to reassure him that everything was alright, that Calum could take all the time he needed until he was ready, but he doesn’t get that chance. Instead, the oven seems to chirp out that their dinner is ready, and they are broken from their conversation by the growling of their stomachs and the incessant beeping of the oven begging to be turned off. Removing himself from Calum’s lap, Michael heads towards the kitchen and pulls their dinner out, setting in on top of the stove and sighing deeply.

“I don’t care that you are still keeping your sexuality to yourself,” Michael blurts, and Calum stops where he is setting the table to look at this boyfriend, eyes scanning him. “I care about you being happy, about you being comfortable with yourself and your surroundings. If you feel more comfortable keeping it to yourself rather than sharing it to the world? I don’t mind.” He turns, walking towards the table with their dinner and placing it in the middle before removing his oven mitts and taking Calum’s hands. “What you feel is far more important than anything else, okay?”

He doesn’t expect Calum to start crying, of all things, but the boy does. Tear begin to streak down his boyfriend’s cheeks, the boy reaching forward and pulling Michael into a tight hug as he continues to cry softly into Michael’s neck. “Thank you,” Calum mumbles, kissing Michael’s neck and nuzzling into the boy’s embrace even more. “God, I don’t know what I did to find you, to deserve you, but whatever it was that brought me to you? I owe them.”

Michael laughs, kissing both of Calum’s cheeks before meeting his lips in a kiss. “Thank Luke, I guess,” he chuckles, remembering the night they met at the party. Luke’s drunken words come to mind, and it makes him snort, though it’s more out of fondness than annoyance. “C’mon, dinner is getting cold. We can cuddle after dinner.”

Calum nods, wiping his eyes before taking a seat at the table and beginning to dish up some of the home made lasagna Michael cooked up. “How was your lunch with Luke and Ashton today? You guys get together and plot how to find Zack?” There’s a soft laugh at the end of his sentence, and Michael grins. “How does your bassist keep disappearing anyhow? Do you guys really not keep any tabs on him whatsoever?”

“We do!” Michael defends, pouring Calum a glass of wine before pouring his own. “He just prefers to adventure off on his own, do his own thing? Normally on hiatus he does his own thing, and then hangs out with us once he’s been alone for a while. I can understand wanting some time for yourself, you know?” He takes a sip of his wine before adding, “We have a theory he’s in the Bahamas with his family, though.”

“That sounds like a nice place to escape,” Calum admits, taking a bite of a steamed carrot. “Honestly if I could escape anywhere, I would probably go there or New Zealand. My family is originally from there anyway, and I wouldn’t mind traveling back there some time and visiting them.” He wipes his mouth from the sauce around it before poking his fork towards Michael. “What about you? If you had the chance to escape anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

It’s a difficult question, more difficult than Michael expected. He’s traveled to so many places while touring, been to so many incredible venues and cities that he’s lost count of exactly how many. He knows there are plenty he’d visit over and over again if given the chance, but none of them seem to stand out as a place he’d escape to and leave everything behind.

Except, maybe one.

“Japan,” Michael admits, remembering his last trip to the country. “When we went there I felt like I fit in with everyone, how vibrant and exciting every inch of the place was? I felt like a I really belonged there, and everyone around me was so peaceful and kind. I guess if I had to escape this place and go somewhere I would find myself back in Japan.”

Calum grins at him, wine glass at his lips. “I loved the way your eyes lit up just talking about it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone have their eyes actually _twinkle,_ but you talking about Japan I swear they were.” He takes his drink before reaching his hand forward, intertwining his fingers with Michael’s and saying, “Maybe someday we can go to Japan together. I’ve never been, but I’m pretty sure you’d know where to take me.”

The thought of taking another journey with Calum somewhere in the future makes Michael smile, because he can see it so _perfectly._ The two of them could walk around the country with their hands intertwined, Michael showing him the amazing sights and lights, all with Calum by his side eager to hear every word that leaves Michael’s mouth. Michael didn’t realize how much he wanted to adventure with Calum until now, and now it’s the only thing on his mind.

“For now we can think about adventuring Brazil,” Michael says, kissing Calum’s fingers before returning to his dinner. “I’m also looking forward to cheering on my amazing, talented boyfriend as he kicks ass during his charity match. I get to see you in action, and I’d be lying to myself if I said that didn’t excite me.”

“I’m excited for you to watch,” Calum admits, blush on his cheeks. “You can sit up in the box with the other WAGS, if you want to at least. You can just tell them all you are a friend that I invited. Then, when the game is all over and we are headed back to the hotel for the night, I promise that we don’t have to keep any secrets. After that you are going to be my boyfriend, I’m going to hold your hand and kiss you.” It’s his turn to kiss Michael’s hand now, and he grins against the skin of Michael’s knuckles. “Just us.”

Michael loves the sound of that.

*

**LIVERPOOL FC STRIKER CALUM HOOD DEPARTS FOR BRAZIL CHARITY MATCH…...WITH _5 SECONDS OF SUMMER_ GUITARIST MICHAEL CLIFFORD?**

_With the All Star Charity Match coming underway in Brazil this upcoming week, it was expected we would see sightings of the various current greats departing for what is said to be one of the greatest line ups for an All Star match. What we didn’t expect, however, was for one of the pros to bring along someone we didn’t even know they knew!_

_(see attached photo)_

_Hood, sporting his team jacket and cap, seems to be in quite the conversation with the lead guitarist, both of them all smiles as they board they board Liverpool FC’s private jet. It makes us wonder just how long the two have been friends, considering the little amount of space between them as they walk side by side. Clifford appears to have spent the good month and a half hiatus relaxing, looking quite comfortable and bright eyed as he smiles, laughs at something Hood has said._

_It’s an unlikely pairing, those two, and we are sure eager to learn more about this friendship as time goes along._

*

Whoever is currently poking Michael’s cheek really needs to stop. Honestly, with the immense amount of jet lag he was feeling he could possibly snap their arm right off for daring to rouse him from his much needed rest. He attempts to mumble something along the lines of ‘fuck off’, but it’s muffled by his pillow. Whomever it is that seems to attempt to wake him up giggles, and now there’s a kiss being placed to Michael’s temple.

“I have to get to the stadium,” he hears Calum whisper, the boy running his fingers through Michael’s sleep tousled hair. It’s soothing, definitely something that could make Michael fall back into the slumber he was awoken from. “Can I get a goodbye kiss?”

Michael grins sleepily, opening his eyes to meet Calum’s gorgeous whiskey colored ones. He’ll never quite get over just how beautiful his boyfriend was, and that he was lucky enough to have someone this beautiful be his. It was a miracle; he knew it was. It had to be.

“I should be mad at you for waking me up,” Michael groans, leaning up towards Calum’s face and kissing him sweetly. “You get a pass for being cute. Be lucky, not everyone gets that pass from me.”

Calum laughs, stealing another kiss before picking his warm up bag from the floor and slinging it over his shoulder. He’s already dressed up in his warm up gear for the day, Michael especially loving the tight fitting sweatpants his boyfriend wears in particular. He knows Calum is aware of Michael staring at his ass, the boy shaking it slightly as he walks towards the door with a smirk on his face. “See you at the game tonight love!” Calum chirps, opening the hotel door and blowing a kiss to Michael before it seals shut, leaving Michael alone for the morning.

He should go back to sleep, but now he doesn’t quite feel as tired as he did before. Calum’s kiss is still electrified on his lips, as it always is whenever Calum kisses him as a departure. How could he sleep when his body was alive with how much he felt for his boyfriend?

It terrifies Michael when he thinks about how short of time they’ve been dating, compared to just how strongly he feels for the football star. He feels as if he’s known Calum for _years,_ not the month and a half they’ve been dating. He wonders if they are moving far too quickly, too engrossed with each other to really understand that they were. At the same time, though, Michael doesn’t want to slow down. He’s never felt this way about someone until Calum stumbled into his life, has never felt as adored.

He thinks about it; they haven’t said ‘I love you’ yet, and despite the constant sleepovers at Michael’s apartment, the two of them have yet to actually consummate their relationship. Calum wasn’t ready for that sort of thing just yet, and Michael wanted to give him as much space as he could. While Michael could, without hesitation, blurt out how much he loved the boy at any given moment, he knows it would only scare Calum away. Hell, as far as Michael was aware this was Calum’s first, actual relationship with a man. The last thing Michael wanted to do was mess all of that up by being inconsiderate.

There’s no chance he’s going back to sleep at his point, which is quite disappointing. Michael rolls himself out of their shared hotel bed, stumbling over to the kitchenette in hopes of brewing up a strong cup of coffee. He’s always loathed the effects jet lag had on him, and it seems he always got it a hell lot worse than any of the other guys. Ashton could always be perfectly bright eyed and bushy tailed, Luke right alongside him. Zack took a little longer to recover, but not _near_ as long as Michael.

The thought of seeing Calum in action for the first time ever, in person anyway, was what kept Michael a little more awake. It was bound to be an exciting match, and Michael couldn’t help the butterflies of excitement rumbling in his stomach in anticipation. He had joked with Calum the night before, quipping about how Calum better not get distracted by his ‘incredibly beautiful boyfriend’ in the stands. Calum had remarked that Michael wasn’t that beautiful, which of course earned an offended gasp from Michael and the demand for an apology.

Michael’s heart is picking up speed remembering the memory, and yeah, he’s pretty sure it’s love for Calum that is making him go.

It’s dangerous territory, he knows it is. To love someone as much as he does at the month and a half mark. There’s a good chance that Calum doesn’t feel the same way, the lingering fear Michael sees in his eyes whenever the idea of their relationship becoming public comes up. Michael remembers how frightening it was being in the closet, keeping a part of yourself hidden and practically self-destructing in the process. That’s why he came out the minute the band picked up; he didn’t want to hide.

Calum? With the fan base and environment, he was in, it was most likely that his nightmare would be a reality. It hurts Michael to think about how long Calum’s possibly kept this a secret, from his team, fans. He wonders if even Calum’s agent and publicist even know about it.

Despite the fear in his heart and the aching for his boyfriend to truly be himself, Michael knows for sure that he does love Calum Hood. Even if everything else around him was terrifying and closing in, Michael knew that for right now, that feeling was more than enough.

*

**_NEW COUPLE ALERT?? FIVE SECONDS OF SUMMER GUITARIST MICHAEL CLIFFORD SPOTTED SUPPORTING LIVERPOOL FC STRIKER CALUM HOOD IN BRAZIL!_ **

_It’s been awhile since a celebrity couple has been worth talking about, and this one has certainly caught the attention of us here at SugarRock! (Sorry Zigi, you have been dethroned. Still love you though!)_

_While they have yet to be confirmed, it seems that pictures from the All Star Match in Brazil have already done it for them! Clifford was seen with other members of the team’s wives and girlfriends, cheering for his possibly boyfriend from the luxury box with a grin brighter than the sun and sporting what appears to be Hood’s Liverpool jersey. How adorable!_

_Rumors of the two possibly being an item began nearly a month ago, when the two were spotted having a bite to eat in Liverpool near Clifford’s apartment. While sources have confirmed that the two of simply friends, onlookers at the café insisted the two looked far too cuddly and romantic than two friends could. Rumors continued to come about after pictures of the two arriving and flying together arose yesterday, with them walking so close together you couldn’t fit a crumb of bread between them!_

_While Calum Hood has not announced his sexuality publicly, Clifford has been quite open about his sexuality since the mere beginnings of the band we know and love. See his interview with ‘OUT’ magazine here_

_While a relationship has not been confirmed just yet, you can see us here at SugarRock shipping them to the ends of the Earth. #MalumForever_

_*_

There has been nothing more spectacular in Michael’s eyes than watching Calum play. He’s countless moments he’d consider the greatest of all time, including the first concert he ever attended, the first concert he ever _performed._ This was a whole new level.

Michael knows what it feels like to be up on stage, with thousands upon thousands of fans screaming and singing along to your songs. Songs that you poured your heart into and couldn’t believe that they meant something to someone else that wasn’t you. He knows the excitement and rush of being up on a stage with his best friends and a guitar in his hands.

The exact feeling Michael gets when he’s on stage shines and radiates off of Calum as he plays. Michael can see it, even from as far up as the luxury box. His boyfriend was born to play this game, as if it coursed through his veins. Michael knows how much heart and soul Calum pours into the match, his quick footed movements leaving Michael enthralled up until the final half. He’s never seen a live football game before, having only watched on a television with his father back home or highlights that ended up on YouTube. There was nothing more exciting than an actual live game, especially when there was someone out there that you knew and loved to root for.

Calum had to shower after the game, insisting to Michael over text messages that his boyfriend didn’t want to be anywhere near him with all the sweat pouring down his body. It meant that Michael had to head back to the hotel alone, which in hindsight was probably for the best. Calum would most likely have interviews after his shower was complete with various news stations, and Michael didn’t want to hide himself in the background for who knows how long until it wrapped up.

The hotel has a few photographers outside when he arrives, making him groan. There’s a small chance that they are not here for him, most likely staying out to get the first glimpse of Calum Hood coming back most likely. Michael’s far too exhausted and his throat is killing him from screaming and cheering for his boyfriend that smiling for pictures was the last thing he wanted to do.

He steps out of the cab, paying the driver quickly before ducking his head down and heading towards the front doors. He made sure to slide on a baseball cap and sunglasses before stepping out, hopefully throwing the photographers off about who he was. Then again, the baseball cap happened to be Calum’s, but maybe they wouldn’t catch on to that small detail.

Even if it was the exact one he was photographed in when they showed to the airport yesterday. Yup.

It could have gone well, really. They seemed to be minding their own business when Michael stepped out of the cab, and ignored him almost completely as he approached the hotel’s front doors. It wasn’t until one photographer managed to look up from his camera, a slimy smirk on his face as he shouts at Michael, “Thanks for ruining Liverpool for me jackass!”

Michael pauses, hand about to push the door open, taking in the guy’s words. He should just keep moving, ignore the guy and shake it off. He’s heard worse before. Critics were always nipping at his heels. Instead he turns around, facing the guy with an eyebrow raised and sunglasses dipped to make eye contact with the harasser. “Excuse me?”

The photographer grins, and Michael knows this was what he wanted. “Always been a fan of Liverpool, but now that you’ve managed to turn one of the greatest footballers of this generation into a faggot? I think I’m going to take my money to Arsenal.”

It seems the man’s full intentions have now rose to the surface, if his now growing grin has anything to say about it. Michael feels his fists curl up, his face heating up with anger as he steps forward towards the guy, insults on the tip of his tongue. He knows those won’t help anything, that he should choose his next few words carefully if he wants to avoid a scandal.

Luckily, he knows exactly what to do.

“Calum Hood and I are not in a relationship,” he spits, as much as it pains him to do so. “I’m here to support a good friend of mine for a match that has been his dream since the beginning of his career. While the media seems to enjoy painting a picture of us being a couple, I assure you that we are not. Can I, an openly gay man, not be friends with another man without it being insinuated that I’m sleeping with him?”

The photographer’s sleazy grin slips off of his face, the man now at least having the decency to look sheepish and ashamed. Michael knows it is for show, knows that he couldn’t have changed the man’s mind with just a few words. Homophobia was deeper than that, and while it’s a constant battle he knows he’s only one this small part of it.

He turns on his heel then, heading into the hotel and up to his room as cameras flash around him. He doesn’t care.

*

Calum arrives at the hotel nearly an hour after Michael’s encounter with the photographers, hair still slightly wet from what appears to have been a post-match shower. The smile on Calum’s face shows that he’s still in the greatest of moods from the match, most likely because the photographers outside didn’t get a chance to stop him and terrorize him Michael guesses. Nonetheless he’s happy to see his boyfriend smiling and cheery, because he most definitely deserves to feel that way.

“What did you think?” Calum chirps, dropping his bag at the hotel door and dashing towards their hotel bed, Michael giggling as Calum wraps his arms around him and cuddles up close. “Was it fun? Did you get bored?” It’s such a childlike attitude his boyfriend has suddenly adopted, but Michael was not about to voice it as being obnoxious. He found it rather adorable that his boyfriend was still buzzing with joy from the match.

“You were wonderful,” Michael tells him, giggling as Calum’s dark curls tickled his neck as the boy nuzzled him. “Honestly watching you in action live was nothing compared to the YouTube videos or the matches on television. You are such an incredible player, babe.” He kisses Calum’s wet curls before ruffling them with his hand. It makes him wonder if he should shower himself, or should he just wait until the next morning and spend the rest of the night cuddling his boyfriend.

Calum seems to have other ideas, though, and Michael feels a sense of euphoria rush through him as Calum begins nibbling on his neck. It’s completely different from their normal cuddling sessions, with Calum refraining from anything close to sexual interaction and instead leaving it to simple, innocent kisses.

Michael isn’t complaining, not at all. Although.

“Babe,” Michael nearly moans, Calum’s gentle bites transitioning into little kitten licks. “Fuck, Calum stop for a moment, yeah?”

He can feel Calum pout against his jugular, the boy removing his lips from Michael’s neck and peering up at him with hooded, lust filled eyes. “What’s wrong? Can’t a boy celebrate the end to an incredible day by marking up his boyfriend?” he asks, as if completely oblivious to just how _hard_ Michael has grown underneath him.

“I’m not sure you are ready for where this is leading,” Michael states simply, hands still tangled in the dark curls atop Calum’s head. “If this is just making out and leaving a couple of love bites, I understand. I just want to make sure you are okay with all of this, especially if it happens to go further than just that.”

Michael feels as if he’s laid a deal on the table; If Calum was truly ready for what could possibly be the next step in their relationship, tonight could be the night everything would be consummated. It would easily confirm the fact that they were moving pretty quickly through their relationship, not that Michael minded too much about that. If both parties were alright with the progress, was it all that terrible to keep moving forward?

He receives an answer in the form of a kiss pressed to his lips, Calum’s hand sliding down his torso and bunching up at the hem. He looks at Michael with so much fondness, so much _love,_ as he whispers in a low voice. “I want this. I want _you.”_

So Michael does just that; he gives Calum every little piece of him that night, all of the worries about their relationships going to fast erasing themselves from his mind as his senses light themselves on fire. For that one night, he doesn’t bother to think about all of the issues rising up in his head, everything he has to go back to when they get back to Liverpool.

Right now? Right now it’s just him, Calum, and the love between them.


	4. July (Calum)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be in Michael's POV once more, but I wanted to go further into Calum's backstory! Also, I'm weak for Cashton friendship so there is that as well :)

When Calum had first been recruited to Liverpool FC as a rookie a few years back, of course it had been a dream come true. It was something he had been working for since he was old enough to walk, with his father taking him to their tiny backyard and kicking around the ball in the patchy, dying grass and cheering as Calum’s little legs managed to kick the ball into the makeshift goal the two had created. Growing up lead him to realize just how much the sport really meant to him, which lead to countless away games that his mother would cheer him on at, dozens of early morning jogs and practices to keep himself in shape. It was all worth it if it meant Calum could eventually make something of his talent, and he wouldn’t stop until he made himself and his adoring parents proud.

It was a tearful goodbye when it came time to leave for Liverpool. Calum was leaving behind everything he knew, everyone he’d grown up with, and his family who had stood by him throughout the entire journey from little tike kicking around in the backyard to grown man amazing the world with his talent. His mother wouldn’t stop crying at the airport as she held onto him tightly, sobbing about how he needed to visit as often as he could. His father was a little more held back with his emotions, but Calum could obviously tell that he was about to shed a few tears.

His sister was the one who stayed the strongest, holding back her emotions as she pulled her brother into a hug, whispering in his ear that he was going to do great things in Liverpool. “You are going to be the greatest player in the entire league,” she had sworn to him, holding her pinky out and locking it with her younger brother’s. “That’s a Mali Koa promise. Those are never broken.”

It didn’t come as a surprise to him when her words became true. It was a little surprising when he was suddenly being named one of the greatest rookies in the history of the sport, and at first he believed it was quite an exaggeration coming from the commentators. He hardly expected it to catch on around the world, and suddenly there were people at his matches chanting his name, wearing his last name across their backs proudly. He knew his sister was always right, but he had never expected it to be quite like this.

As his rookie year came to a close, Calum remembers the moment he realized that his dream came with some downsides. They hadn’t arisen before now, leading Calum to, naively, believe that maybe playing professional football was the greatest dream job that could ever come about. It took an after party to celebrate his successful rookie year for his teammate to blurt out something that made Calum realize that not everything was quite perfect.

“Did you guys see those two poofs after the game?” His goalie snorts, setting down his cup of beer on the kitchen counter. “I was finishing up talking to some incredibly hot interviewer lady and when I look over, there are these two guys sucking each other’s faces a few feet away from us. It almost ruined my mood!”

Calum tenses, but luckily his teammates don’t seem to notice his obvious discomfort. He wasn’t exactly out to the public quite yet, not exactly sure how everyone in the world of football would react to his sexuality. His family knew, and that was good enough for him at the moment.

“I saw that too!” Another one of his teammates pipes up, pretending to gag. “I’m so sick of poofs thinking that they are not going against what is right. It’s absolutely disgusting. No one wants to see two men making out on a soccer pitch! If they want that they can go somewhere else, not our stadium!”

The entire team seems to cheer at the guy’s proclamation, and Calum thinks his heart breaks. The party mood has faded completely from him, and now his beer tastes incredibly stale with the taste of homophobia and ignorance around him.  No longer did he feel as if his team was a safe place for him; instead it felt closer to a nightmare he never thought he’d have to live.

His team doesn’t seem to notice when he dips out, holding back inevitable tears as he grabs a taxi and heads back to his apartment. The driver doesn’t seem to ask him any questions, though Calum can tell he seems concerned about the boy. Instead he reaches for the stereo, turning the volume up slightly as they drive around the empty Liverpool streets.

This was Calum’s dream, despite his homophobic teammates. This was what he’s always wanted to with his life, how he wanted to show himself to the world. It didn’t matter that if his teammates knew the truth he would be called cruel names, that his talent would becoming nothing to them once they knew. Calum has already reached goals in his career he never knew possible, and he wasn’t about to allow those assholes to take him down.

“Hope you have a better night buddy,” the driver tells him, accepting Calum’s money for the drive and offering a goodbye. Calum appreciates the sentiment, stepping up to his apartment building and stepping into the grand living space that his career has bought him.

The building was far too big for him, he knew that. This place was a perfect fit for possibly twenty people, not just one man. While Calum had always dreamed of living it up big time, he never quite anticipated just how lonely it would be until he came home every single night to nothing. He’s considered inviting Mali to live with him, knowing his older sister would love all of the luxury surrounding the place. He always talks himself out of it, though. Knows his sister is probably better off not living with her little brother anymore.

Besides; while Calum’s wish was to get the hell out of New Zealand and make something of himself, Mali was perfectly content with staying home. Sometimes he wonders what would have become of him if he had stayed with her.

Now, a few years later, he’s glad that he took that chance. He’s become one of the greatest players in the European League, number one choice when it comes to the upcoming free agency once his contract with Liverpool runs up, and, while the public doesn’t know it, he’s lucky enough to say that he’s in love with the most amazing boy in the entire world.

He wishes he could tell that to the woman across from him, who is scribbling down on her notepad as fast as she can. Calum wants to tell her all about how Michael is one of the greatest things in his life despite such a short time, how he loves when Michael kisses him good morning and respects him more than Calum deserves.

Calum wishes he was as brave as Michael believes he is.

“You are about to become a free agent soon, as your Liverpool contract goes up in August. While plenty of clubs are incredibly willing to buy you out and bring you into their folds, are you willing to sign and play with Liverpool for longer?” The journalist across from him, a younger woman by the name of Angela Bismarck, questions him. They’ve been at this for nearly half an hour now, and while Calum is normally quite excited about interviews, he just doesn’t feel like being here at the moment. He’s more in the mood to head back to Michael’s apartment, curl up with his boyfriend’s cat and await his return from his own round of interviews. It was supposed to be his time off, after all.

“I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been interested in offers from other clubs,” Calum says, avoiding picking at the uncomfortable chair he’s been settled into for the interview. “When my career began I didn’t even expect to be in this position. I was grateful for the opportunity to make a career out of something that first began as an excuse to get me out of the house.” The two of them chuckle, and Calum runs a hand through his hair. It feels a little greasy, and he notes to himself that he needs to take a shower later. “Liverpool definitely helped shape my career, and I would love to be a part of such an amazing club for longer, but it really is up in the air at the moment.”

Angela nods, scribbling down in her notepad once more before uncrossing her legs and setting the notepad beside her. She’s leaning forward, allowing herself closer to Calum and making him shift a little. He doesn’t know what she’s going to say, if it’s going to be something incriminating judging by her decision to ditch the notepad or if she’s just found something on his face.

“Normally famous athletes like you are incredibly silent when it comes to your personal lives, especially the romantic aspects. While I’m sure with how demanding your career is, considering you are at the ultimate top, is there someone on the sidelines cheering you on throughout this entire experience?”

She’s referring to the rumors surrounding him and Michael, he knows she is. The two of them have mostly been silent when it came to the magazines and news stations giving their two cents regarding their recent ‘friendship’, aside from Michael’s outburst towards one photographer in particular. Calum wasn’t one to address negative or personal rumors about himself, disregarding them in favor of just talking about the sport he loves. Rumors never quite affected him to begin with, he wasn’t about to let them start now.

“Only a few good friends,” he responds smoothly, though his heart nags at him to mention Michael. “I don’t have time to date with my schedule, and I would want to devote quite a large sum of time to them if I could. For now, I’m just happy to be playing the sport I love, celebrating with some good friends that have my back.”

“Like your recent good friend Michael Clifford?” Angela notes, and Calum laughs with a nod. “Got quite a surprise out of the media with that. Some didn’t even know the two of you knew each other, though some sources have cited that the two of you met at the after party of _5 Seconds of Summer’s_ sold out world tour. Tell us; how did you and Michael Clifford become friends?”

Calum grins, an attempt to not look so incredibly fond of the mention of meeting his boyfriend failing. He can’t help that the mention of Michael just brings the brightest of smiles to his face, and the memory of how they met repeats in his head constantly as one of the greatest moments of his life. He’s not sure if he should blame how he feels on the honeymoon phase of their relationship still quite intact, or if he really was the love struck fool Michael’s bandmates always joke that he is.

“I had gone out to the balcony where he was during the party, wanting to escape the party scene and find a few moments for myself. He had already been out there sharing a drink with one of his band mates, and we just started up an easy conversation after that.” He doesn’t bother to mention just how easy it was to talk to Michael, as if they had been best friends for ages. He doesn’t mention how just simply being around Michael when they first met made him feel the best he’s ever felt in such a long time. He wants to, so badly, but knows he can’t. Not yet, at least. “I’ve been a fan of his for quite some time, sometimes using their songs for warm ups. Meeting him in person was almost a star struck moment, if I’m being honest. We became easy friends, it wasn’t hard to get on with him, for sure.”

“When questioned by paparazzi about your relationship being romantic, Clifford was quite aggressive with one of them, citing that ‘Can I, an openly gay man, not be friends with another man without it being insinuated that I’m sleeping with him?’ What do you have to say about his words, and do you have your own to add?”

Calum feels as if he’s rehearsed his response to this a thousand times. Yet in this moment, his mind has wiped itself clean in favor of him grasping for the words to come back. Saying the wrong thing would leave more questions, the speculation continuing and having his management team rip him apart. The whole purpose for Calum being prepared for this question was so he wouldn’t be seen as a gay athlete, something that the sports world can’t seem to grasp as being normal.

His response is a sigh, followed by, “He’s correct. Most media outlets figure if someone is seen with someone that could be viewed as a love interest, they are automatically dating. It’s a standard it seems, that it can’t be seen another way. I remember a few rumors going around about me secretly dating women in the past that have either been a part of my management team, or even just good friends. I understand where this rumor came from, but I’m here to say that I must agree with Michael’s words. I’m flattered you all think I’m in the leagues with a rock star, though, despite the fact that I am, in fact,” he nearly chokes on the lie. “Heterosexual.”

He’s grateful that Angela doesn’t seem to catch him choking on his words, herself chuckling about his previous words and jotting down something quickly on her notepad before stuffing it back into her handbag. “It’s been an honor speaking with you today Calum, truly. I wish you luck with the upcoming free agency, as well as the upcoming season. Wouldn’t mind seeing you bring home a championship trophy soon.”

Calum chuckles at her words, though flattered. “It took Ronaldo some time to do that, might take me the same amount of time. Thank you, though, really. It means a lot.”

Soon after he’s left the magazine’s main building, Angela helping lead him out and towards his car to head back to his apartment. He wishes he could instruct the driver to instead head to Michael’s, but he knows Michael is still at his own interview with the band, apartment key probably in his pocket. Calum had asked for a spare, just in case he needed to get into the apartment when Michael wasn’t there, but Michael managed to stutter at his request, blabbering something about having to do something later and avoiding the topic all together.

Maybe Calum scared him into thinking they were going too fast, but it wasn’t as if he was asking to move in. Granted, Calum loved Michael’s apartment far more than his own luxurious loft. It reminded him more of his roots, with the dorky video game figurines and collectibles, photos of Michael and his family on the walls with large grins and laughing faces. Michael’s apartment felt more like home than anything has in a while.

Pulling out his phone, Calum shoots Michael a quick text, resting his head against the back of the seat. _Miss you._

It doesn’t take long for him to get a reply, and Calum can’t help but grin at Michael’s response. _Miss you too <3 Wish you could have come with me._

Calum could just see how that would have turned out. Not only would Michael’s bandmates tease them endlessly about being inseparable, there would be far too many questions regarding Calum’s presence at the interview. The media would have a field day with this new found ‘bromance’ between the two of them, Calum could just see it now.

The cab pulls up to Calum’s apartment a few minutes later, offering a friendly goodbye and thank you for Calum’s payment before driving off back towards the city and leaving Calum standing on the sidewalk. He’s grateful for no photographers being around at this moment, not exactly wanting to deal with anyone at the moment. He’d much rather go up to his bedroom and mope about not being near his boyfriend thank you very much, _privacy._

Still, when he eventually enters his apartment, the feeling of loneliness grows. It had never felt this lonely until Michael had come along, normally Calum feeling right at home in the beginning. Ever since Michael entered his life, though, the apartment has become bigger than Calum has wanted, the feeling of not belonging lingering.

His phone buzzes in his pocket again, and Calum swears Michael knows just when Calum needs him.

_Interview just wrapped. Want to come over for lunch?_

*

Calum first came out to his family when he was fifteen years old. He remembers the day clearly, the sweat on his palms and the lingering fear that his parents and sister would no longer love him once the words left his mouth. He remembers the surprise on his parent’s faces when he blurted out that he was gay, the look that was shared between them enough to have Calum wondering if he should run back up to his bedroom and pack his bags.

His mother had wrapped him up into the biggest hug, a little offended that Calum thought she would turn him away, but nonetheless accepting. His father was cracking jokes about finding Calum a nice boy to marry in the future, and Mali simply stated that she had already known the truth years before. Nothing had changed, the world hadn’t ended. Calum still felt loved by the people that mattered most to him.

The sports world wasn’t his family, though. They were far crueler when it came to such things as sexuality, and they wouldn’t be the ones to give him a big hug and congratulate him for it all and being so brave. Times have changed, he knows this. He also has the words his teammates said during his rookie year still echoing in his mind, scaring him further and further away from the truth and keeping himself locked away.

His boyfriend’s confidence is something he loathes, at least in regards to his sexuality. Michael was so much more confident with himself, not caring what people thought when it came to who he loved. If they had an issue with it, Michael didn’t bother with them, simple. Calum admired him so much for his confidence, but it was also something he was jealous he couldn’t have for himself.

“You are pretty deep in thought,” Michael comments, the two of them lounging on the couch in Michael’s apartment. They had finished lunch an hour ago, a quite filling meal of macaroni and cheese with some mini corn dogs. Calum had laughed when Michael told him that was what they would be having, but didn’t complain. It was such a Michael thing, and nothing made Calum happier. “Something bothering you? You never did tell me how your interview went.”

Calum shrugs, messing with the collar of Michael’s button up and avoiding the question. He didn’t want to talk about his fear of coming out; he felt as if it was a tired topic between them, and quite honestly he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “It was alright, nothing special anyway. Spoke about my contract going up soon, the rumors about you and I, if I’m going to pose in my underwear again anytime soon.”

Michael laughs, ruffling Calum’s hair and pressing a kiss to his temple. “Well I for one am eagerly awaiting your answer to that last question, considering the last time I got to see you pose in your underwear was two nights ago.”

Calum grins, shifting himself on top of his boyfriend and nuzzling their noses together. “Well, after the gourmet lunch you have treated me to, maybe you deserve a little sneak peek at my next photoshoot, no?” he kisses Michael’s lip sweetly, allowing Michael to wrap his arms around Calum’s slender waist and keeping their lips locked perfectly together.

Moments like this are what Calum craved the most, what made him realize just how much he was missing out on until Michael entered his life. He’s never felt this content and intimate with any other relationship before now, has never wanted to be with anyone like this until Michael. Michael’s arms were a safe, loving place that allowed Calum to finally be himself, the person the media doesn’t know even exists.

Michael was home. It explains it all. Calum felt more comfortable in Michael’s apartment because it was _Michael’s._ He felt better around Michael because his boyfriend was just the comfort he’s longed for in so long. It doesn’t feel like a sudden realization that has him shook; instead it feels as if Calum should have known it all along.

“You are thinking again,” Michael mumbles against Calum’s lips, his thumbs rubbing against the soft skin of Calum’s hips. “Really, is something wrong?”

“Everything is perfect,” Calum voices out loud, kissing Michael once again. “Absolutely perfect.”

It seems to be enough for Michael, who simply pulls Calum further into him and kissing his boyfriend again more and more. Calum allows the thoughts that have recently bothered him fade away completely, focusing entirely on his love and making sure his boyfriend knows just how important he is to him. He knows a distraction won’t last long, but for now, it will do.

*

Calum doesn’t have many friends outside of a few drinking buddies, and while he could try and get along with his teammates outside of games and practices, he’s not quite sure he’d want to. He doesn’t know if all of them are the homophobic assholes, and the last thing he wants is to find out after he’s believed they could be a friend.

So it surprises him when he receives a phone call from Ashton a few days later, the drummer asking him if he wants to hang out for the day and do something with just the two of them. While Calum has hung out with Ashton a couple of times without Michael, he didn’t exactly think the boy _enjoyed_ being around Calum. He didn’t even think he was all that entertaining when it came to making friends, especially a friend like Ashton. The boy was loud, energetic. Calum was basically a polar opposite.

Although, Calum does feel as though he needs to be around other people aside from his boyfriend. The last thing he wants is to become the type of boyfriend whose only friend is his significant other. (Despite the fact that it was undeniably true, but only Calum needed to know that.)

They meet at Ashton’s apartment, which is nearly identical to Michael’s cluttered one. While Ashton has more books scattered around than comic books, it reminds Calum all too much of Michael’s apartment. Of course, Ashton’s apartment didn’t feel like home as Michael’s did, and it gave off a scent of vanilla that Michael would never allow. Overall, it made Calum question if band members just had a common trait in keeping their apartments a mess.

“Want a beer?” Ashton asks him, nodding towards the fridge as Calum gets settled down on the couch in the living room. He shakes his head, waiting for Ashton to get his own drink before he walks back to Calum and takes a seat beside him, popping the cap off and taking a long drink. “So while I do want to have a rematch on Mario Kart today, there is a reason aside from that I invited you over today.”

Calum raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Ashton fiddles nervously with his beer bottle, thumb wiping at the condensation and picking at the label around it. His nerves show on his face, with his eyes downcast and dead focused at not looking at Calum. It worries Calum to see his friend acting like this, and he wonders if what Ashton is about to tell him was really a bad thing.

“How did?” Ashton stops, thinking over his words. “Um, I guess, uh, how did you realize you were attracted to the opposite sex?”

Calum stares at his friend, a little bit of shock hitting his system at what appears to be a form of a confession from Ashton. He’s never really had someone come out to him before, but he knows the fear in Ashton’s eyes as he says his words. Knows it all too well. “Teenage years, high school? Had a crush on a friend of mine, didn’t really act on it though in fear of being rejected you know?” He reaches forward, taking away the beer bottle from Ashton’s picking and setting in on the boy’s coffee table. “Ash, are you?”

“Gay? I don’t think so?” Ashton shuts his eyes, shaking his head. “Like, I’m still attracted to girls. I was in a relationship with one for so long that when she dumped me I was really hurt. I feel romantic attraction towards girls, but for a while now certain guys have me wondering if my attraction isn’t just to girls?” He huffs, falling forward into Calum’s lap and mumbling into the boy’s thigh. “What’s the word for that? Bisexual?”

“Attraction to two genders does fall into that category,” Calum tells him, patting the boy’s curls in an attempt to calm him down. “Is there a certain guy lately that’s caught your attention? This seems to be an issue you’ve been dealing with for some time.”

Ashton tenses, huffing into Calum’s thigh before getting up and crossing his legs onto the couch. “Can you promise not to tell Michael any of this? I understand there is that trust that comes with a relationship but I really need this to just be between us, is that okay?” Calum nods slowly, the worry in his gut increasing as he watches Ashton fiddle his thumbs before blurting out, “I think I’m in love with Luke.”

Calum’s eyes widen slightly, the confession taking him by surprise. He knows that Ashton and Luke have always been incredibly close friends, closer friends than anyone he’s ever seen. He figured that the relationship between the two of them was strictly platonic, given the stories Michael has told him over the years of the two of them always nonstop talking about the girls they were dating or wanted to.

“For how long?” Calum asks simply, remembering how torn up Ashton was about Amber. Was she just a simple distraction from his growing feelings towards his best friend?

“Too long,” is Ashton’s reply, and Calum can see his eyes building up with tears. It breaks his heart to see this boy so upset, so confused with his feelings and what he should do with this revelation. Calum has been in his shoes, millions of thoughts running rapid through his head as to what would be the best course of action. “I mean, I figured for a while it was just platonic love, like Luke was a brother to me? Then I started thinking about how nice it would be to wake up to him every morning, to be able to hold him when he’s sad and kiss him to make it all better. I played it off for a while, telling myself I wasn’t supposed to feel such a way for my best friend, even fell for Amber. Still, there was a lingering feeling of Luke whenever I was with her, and as much as it broke my heart when she left, the only thing that went through my mind aside from how much it hurt was, ‘Maybe this next time I’ll have Luke.’” He wipes at his escaped tears, sniffling. “Is that bad, to think that when I’m in a relationship with someone else?”

“I think the heart wants what the heart wants,” Calum tells him, placing a comforting hand on the small of Ashton’s back. “If you feel that way about Luke, there isn’t anything wrong with that. If he makes you feel safe, loved, and happy? I see nothing wrong with wanting that.” He clears his throat, grabbing Ashton’s attention from where the boy was staring at his feet. His eyes still sparkle with tears, and Calum sighs. “You deserve to be happy Ashton, don’t you?”

Ashton nods slowly, wiping his eyes before resting his head against Calum’s shoulder with a soft sigh. “I’m not so sure he feels the same way about me. You see how I joke about him going through girls? It’s because he does. I don’t think he’d feel anything for me.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, okay?” Calum insists. “You won’t know unless you talk to him. Even if he doesn’t feel the same way as you do, it won’t ruin your friendship. I’ve heard countless stories from Michael about how close the two of you are. This couldn’t possibly ruin it.”

Ashton hums, ruffling his hair before releasing the breath Calum didn’t even know he was holding in. “I guess I can talk to him tomorrow, get it off my chest. That is, if he hasn’t already made plan with some other girl and plans to ditch me.” There’s a harsh laugh that follows Ashton’s words, and Calum’s heart aches for the boy. He knows the pain of one sided love all too well, and it hurts to know a friend of his has to suffer through it.

They spend the rest of the afternoon chilling on the couch, playing video games and avoiding the topic of Ashton’s feelings for the rest of the night. While various questions continue to swarm Calum’s busy head, he knows it’s the very last thing Ashton wants to continue discussing. The least Calum could do is allow his friend to not think about something that is troubling him. At least for today.

“I’m sorry for all of the press, by the way,” Ashton says as the game loads another match. His controller rests in his lap as he takes another drink of his third bottle of beer, Calum knowing damn well he’s using alcohol to not think about his other issues. “I know the sports world isn’t the kindest place in the world, especially when it comes to a person’s true identity. You and Michael haven’t even properly announced your relationship and already they are making assumptions.”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” Calum assures him, though it’s a lie. Truth is, Calum hates all of the negative press coming out of this. He’s happy, the happiest he’s been since he started out his rookie season. Now he has to go around and deny every single thing in the press that happens to be the truth. “Mikey was telling me about the time when he came out, how bad everything was. It made him a stronger person, wrote some pretty kick ass songs that just made him even more famous. In the end, it helped fuel his career and gave him something to be proud of. Do you think I could ever reach that point?”

Ashton hums, picking his controller back up and starting the game. “It took Michael much longer than he lets on to get over all the negativity. We had to watch the guy pick himself back up from being dragged down, not to mention watch as every single interview began to center around him ignoring all the hate. If you want my advice, I say fuck anyone who thinks they have the right to tell you how to live. You care about him, and you shouldn’t let them change your mind.”

“You should take your own advice,” Calum notes with a kind smile, nudging his friend’s shoulder. Ashton nods, his own smile coming about as he becomes engrossed in the game once more. They fall into a comfortable silence once more, only slight swear words coming out of their mouths from then on out from their game play.

It’s when Calum leaves Ashton’s apartment that night, slightly buzzed as he enters the taxi, that it dawns on him that he couldn’t keep everything about him and Michael a secret for forever. Maybe, just maybe, Calum could have the courage to tell the truth to the world and finally be confident in the press.

Until then? He’s going to love Michael with everything in him to assure him that he isn’t leaving, no matter what


	5. July (Michael)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not much to really say except that the next update might be a little later? I'm starting my third year of University tomorrow, and I want to do the best I can this semester, which means I need to focus on school more than anything. I hope you all understand and will be patient with me!!
> 
> Also, I'm seeing 5SOS for the first time EVER on Saturday and I'm about to burst with excitement. That is all :)

 If Michael could have any super power in the entire world, he’d want to ability to read minds. It was a common wish when it came to the question, but it seemed pretty practical when it came down to it. He would be able to tell what someone was feeling, what exactly was bothering them as they shut themselves away. Maybe he’d finally learn what the fans truly thought of them, what goes through his band mate’s heads as they stare off into space after long periods of time on the tour bus.

Right now, he believes the most practical use for the power would be to know what was currently going through his boyfriend’s mind. He’d been quite silent throughout their date night dinner, playing with his thumbs and simply giving one word answers to any of Michael’s questions. Even as they started making out on the couch, it was obvious he wasn’t into it as much as he usually is.

“Are you alright?” Michael finally asks him, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend and pulling him into his chest. They had moved themselves to Michael’s bedroom, dressing in their pajamas and curling up to each other the moment the covers were over them. Calum had let out a few loud yawns, but still had yet to be vocal about anything.

Calum grumbles, kissing Michael’s neck before frowning. “Only a few more weeks until my contract goes up, and then I start practices. When all of that starts, I’m rarely going to see you.” He peeks up at his boyfriend, pout evident. “I guess it’s just going to really suck that I won’t be seeing you every day anymore.”

It was something he knew they would have to accommodate, but it was also a distance that Michael knew he would soon have to prepare for anyway. When tour begins, at least when they start planning it, he knows it will tear them further apart. There wasn’t going to be a chance where Calum could join him on the road, especially if he does transfer to a brand new team. Who knows how their schedule would be, if he’d be able to even Skype Calum after practices.

This wouldn’t be Michael’s first bout with distance in a relationship, but it would certainly be the first one where he knew the person waiting for him was someone he could have a future with. The others didn’t feel as important as Calum did, didn’t give him the sense of loneliness and loss as the thought of not seeing Calum did. It was a completely different round this time.

“I heard Arsenal is interested in you,” Michael mentions, playing with one of the longer curls on Calum’s head. “I think a change of scenery would be good for you, a nice move to London with some new teammates. They also have damn good record Cal; they would be perfect for you.”

Calum simply shrugs, nuzzling back into Michael’s neck. “I’ve been considering them. I’ve had a few other offers too, greater ones, but all of them involve me moving to another country.” He lets out a deep breath, the air tickling Michael’s chest before Calum says, “There’s also another thing that needs to be done before I decide where I’ll be headed.”

Michael senses a serious conversation approaching, with how tense Calum has suddenly become and the feel of the boy’s heart beating heavily in his chest. He turns to face him properly, hand resting against his boyfriend’s soft cheek and eyes focused on him. “What is it?”

There were many options going through his head as to what it would be that Calum would want to say. Maybe this was going to be their first, true saying of ‘I love you’, or maybe even a decision that this would be his last year, an early retirement. It could be a good or bad decision, he just had to wait.

“This is something I’ve thought about lately, with everything between us playing out and the support from your bandmates and our families,” Calum begins, hand reaching up to caress Michael’s hand against his face. “I know I’ve stopped myself from doing this before because of the media, but I don’t want them to control the rest of my life. I want to be comfortable in public with you, I want to be the person I truly am to the world.”

“Cal?” Michael raises an eyebrow, awaiting his boyfriend’s confirmation on what he was thinking.

“I think I want to come out to the world,” Calum finishes, releasing a breath. “While the thought of it is still terrifying, I don’t want to be hidden anymore. I’m tired of lying about my relationships or who I am. If they want to define me and how I play the sport because of who I choose to date, they can. I don’t care at all anymore. I just want to be _happy.”_

It takes Michael a moment to process Calum’s words, gears in his head spinning as they finally sink in. He remembers himself repeating the same words in his own head a few years back, giving himself a similar pep talk, and a large smile grows on his face at his boyfriend’s courage. “Cal,” he whispers, holding his boyfriend’s face in his hands before resting their foreheads together gently. “This isn’t going to be easy, you know. There is going to be a lot of assholes out there who think they can tell you what you should be.”

“I know,” Calum whispers back, eyes shut as he breathes easy. “Lucky for me I have a wonderful boyfriend and a supportive family to back me up.” He places a delicate kiss to Michael’s lips, grinning into it. “I’m fucking nervous, but the idea of finally being able to be _myself?_ I’m anticipating that.”

Michael pulls him in gently, kissing Calum with more gusto as they rest against the pillows of Michael’s bed. Scattered emotions flow through Michael as he and Calum kiss, the sense of proud of his boyfriend taking his life into his own hands, the love he’s felt for the past two months rising to the surface. Michael has no idea how everything will go for them after the announcement, has no idea what the future could do to them, but there was one thing that he knew for damn sure.

It was about time he said something.

With one last kiss placed to Calum’s eager lips, Michael whispers softly enough for only the two of them. “I love you.”

It’s a huge moment, something that possibly could have been slipped in some other time. Yet after months, Michael felt positive this would be the perfect time. There was no ‘what if’ about his feelings towards the striker, not worries that the future would change anything of what he felt. All that he knew, right then and there, sharing a bed with someone he loves so much, was that Calum Hood was possibly the one person he was meant to be with.

Calum seems slightly shocked, a smile growing onto his face so wide his eyes crinkle. A soft, gentle laugh leaves his lips as he surges forward, lips slotting against Michael’s perfectly as he mumbles against them, “I love you too.”

*

“You are way too bright and cheery this morning,” Zack comments the next morning over breakfast, mug of coffee in hand. “I haven’t had a single sip of this, but I know it will not take me to that level.”

Michael simply grins even more, fork messing with his omelet as memories of the night before flood his mind. He knows this was supposed to be a band breakfast, the four of them discussing album details and recordings, prospects of another tour. Yet he couldn’t pull his head away from cloud nine long enough to really talk about anything _but_ Calum.

“I’m in love Zachary,” Michael defends, taking a large bite of omelet. “I’m in love with a wonderful boy who makes me want to wake up in the mornings, makes me smile even when I’m sad.” He taps the edge of Zack’s coffee mug with his fork. “Coffee can’t even make me that happy.”

Zack scoffs, taking a long drink of coffee before setting the mug down onto the table with a large grin. “I don’t know, that made me pretty damn happy right there.” He nudges Luke with his foot underneath the table, making the boy snap up from where he’s been snoozing at the table. His blue eyes look incredibly dreary, with a bit of redness that Michael could only assume came from late night crying. “You okay man?”

Luke grumbles something under his breath, making grabby hands for Zack’s mug of coffee. The boy doesn’t seem all too eager to give up his drink, but nonetheless allows the lead singer to take it from him and take a long drink. “Rough night, didn’t really sleep all that much.” He rubs one of his eyes with a yawn, but Michael doesn’t seem all that convinced with Luke’s reason.

“What about you?” Zack asks Ashton, who looks nearly identical to Luke. His hair is a mess of curls from sleep, eyes puffy and the hazel dimmed instead of sparkling like they always do. “I thought I was going to take you surfing after this, are you sure you are going to be awake enough for it?”

Ashton simply hums, playing around with the eggs on his plate with a pout. “Was up all night writing a song I wanted to show you guys, guess I forgot about my plans for today. Sorry Zack.” He ruffles through the small bag at his side, pulling out his battered note book and opening it up to a page for his band to look at. “It’s a bit messy right now, but I’m working it out.”

There’s a pain hidden beneath the lyrics that Michael remembers Ashton going through all too well; the mentions of lies keeping him there, needing that person more than anything. It’s reminiscent of Ashton’s time with Amber, and while Michael was glad that his friend was placing his pain and feelings into a song about it, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was entirely her that made him want to write such a thing. There seemed to be an underlying topic that Michael couldn’t put his finger on, something that Amber didn’t seem to fit into.

“This is heavy,” Zack comments, fingers tracing over the words in the notebook with concentration. “Amber really got this much out of you?”

Ashton merely shrugs at the words, seemingly too exhausted to really make much conversation about it. “You could say that.” He says, taking his own drink of coffee.

An awkward silence falls on the breakfast table, with Michael and Zack analyzing the lyrics for further conversation with Ashton, and Luke possibly asleep. He hasn’t moved anyway, hasn’t even bothered to peek at the lyrics laid out in front of them. Michael doesn’t bother to push him either. It appears Luke has his own issues right now, and the last thing Michael wants them all to deal with is a grumpy Luke.

“What about you Mikey?” Zack asks, handing the notebook back to Ashton and digging back into his breakfast. “Have you written up anything sappy and adorable about your boyfriend yet? Something that could possibly be a good single to promote?”

Michael shakes his head with a sappy grin, flicking a piece of egg towards Zack. “I could write so many gross and sappy lyrics about him, but I’m damn sure none of it would be worthy of your ears Zachary.” He taps his fork against Luke’s hand, making the boy jostle awake once more and glare at Michael with bleary eyes. “Do you need a Red Bull or something?”

“Or something,” Luke decides, taking Zack’s coffee once more and drinking. He ignores Zack’s protests of backwash as he takes a long drink, not even wincing as the hot liquid spills down his throat and pools in his stomach. “I have a half written thing that could be contributed, but it’s really not that great. I haven’t really been putting much effort in the band writing process I must say.”

“You just need something to inspire you,” Michael insists. “Maybe you and I should have a writing session together. The two of us have written some incredible songs, maybe I can help get you out of this slump you seem to be in. Zack can write with Ashton, and then we can compare and see what the four of us have come up with at the end of this week. That sounds fair?”

Luke grins at the suggestion, nodding before snatching a lone piece of bacon off of Michael’s plate and popping it into his mouth. “We _do_ write some pretty good stuff, don’t we Mikey?”

It makes Michael feel better, and it certainly rids the air of tension. Luke is smiling, actively participating in the conversation instead of dozing off, and even Ashton seems to be a little more chipper now that his song has been displayed for them. The tension still lingers, Michael can feel it between Luke and Ashton in particular. For right now, though? Things seem to be looking up.

*

“ _I can’t change the world, but maybe I’ll change your mind?”_ Michael reads from Luke’s notebook, eyebrow raised in question at the lyrics. They’ve been writing for what felt like hours, holed up in Michael’s apartment for the majority of the day until they could at least _one_ song written and out of their systems. While some lyrics have managed to come out from the two boys, Michael felt as if the day had been dragging of endless words that couldn’t connect or didn’t make sense no matter what order they were placed in. “I like this, Luke. It’s a little deep, kind of sad at some parts, but I like what you’ve done with this.”

Luke hums simply in response, tapping his pen against the water bottle placed in front of him on the kitchen table before he pokes at Michael’s notebook, which has the lead guitarist’s chicken scratch scattered about. “That lyric would fit with the song, though I’m not quite sure where.”

Michael looks down at his writing, Luke’s finger resting against, _without you I’m nobody, killing time._ “Writing this song, I had the mood of lost love, but fighting for it to come back and realizing that the person in question was still the person you wanted to be with.” Luke taps the paper once more before leaning back. “Maybe we could include that somewhere in the chorus, or re work it into its own verse?”

“Sounds good to me,” Michael makes a move to write the lyrics on a sticky note, attaching it to Luke’s copy of the song before looking at his friend. He appears to be in a better mood after breakfast that morning, but Michael could see the sadness continuing to linger. It isn’t something to easily ignore either, and Michael wasn’t someone to watch his best friend live in sadness. “Luke? Have you been okay?”

The lead singer stiffens, the pen in his hands dropping to the table as he stares straight ahead. “I’ve been alright; I’ve just been struggling with some personal stuff. Nothing I can’t handle on my own, Mikey.”

“Luke.”

The minute Luke actually faces him, blue eyes sparkling with the beginning of tears and the strong attempt to appear strong, Michael knows that his friend is far from being okay. He hates that he’s gone so long without noticing the signs, pretending that Luke was perfectly alright and that he could handle anything. It’s this moment he realizes Luke isn’t invincible, and he certainly couldn’t handle this all on his own.

Michael doesn’t hesitate to open his arms up, allowing his best friend to fall into him and begin to cry. He thinks the title he came up for himself a few months back has now officially rang true: he was officially the band therapist, wasn’t he? Not that he was complaining, of course. If he could be the outlet for his friends to release their feelings, that was alright with him.

“Wanna tell me what’s got you writing such sad lyrics?” Michael asks softly, rubbing Luke’s back gently. “Or, at least what led to you writing them? You don’t get lyrics like this off the top of your head, out of the blue.” Unless Luke had suddenly become the greatest song writer on the planet over night, but even Michael knew that was unrealistic. He’s seen some of Luke’s most ridiculous lyrics, and that was most definitely not the case when it came to his friend’s mood.

“Ash and I got into a pretty decent fight last night,” Luke confesses, wiping at his eyes from his resting spot on Michael’s chest. “He’s been such an asshole lately, with telling me off about all the girls I’ve been with. Keeps telling me that I’m some kind of man whore, that I’m going to get some kind of reputation if I keep sleeping around. He didn’t believe me when I told him that none of those girls even meant a thing to me, that I didn’t sleep with any of them.”

This is news for Michael, who had previously believed Ashton’s words. Luke had been seen frequently with plenty of women, flaunting them in front of the press as if they were prizes won. It had always disgusted Michael to watch his bandmate do such a thing, though most of them he knew was a part of management’s agreement to make him look like some kind of player. Luke was the leader, he had to be the one who appeared most attractive.

Of course it came with a price: none of it was real, none of the feelings were there. “All of it was for show, none of it was real. Sure, two of the girls I took out again, maybe hoping for something to start between us. Hell, Becca was someone I thought I could see myself with. I was growing tired of the playboy title, I wanted to be seen as serious.” Luke sniffles, mumbling into Michael’s shoulder. “I wanted to show Ashton I could be serious.”

Michael lifts an eyebrow at Luke’s final sentence, looking the boy in the eye with curiosity and wonder. “You don’t need to prove Ashton anything, okay? You are still a wonderful person, Luke, despite what the world, or even Ashton, thinks of you.”

“I do need to prove him this though,” Luke cries, wiping at his eyes once more before he blurts out, “I love him, I needed him to see _that_!”

Michael is stunned into silence, the room falling silent as Luke even seems shocked from the words spilled from his mouth. It wasn’t what Michael expected to fall from Luke’s mouth at that moment at all. He had thought something was happening between his two bandmates, but the last thing he could have assumed was feelings. In fact, he had thought it was some stupid fight the two of them had that happened to not be resolved.

While it did appear that there indeed _was_ a fight of sorts, this wasn’t exactly the subject Michael expected it to be about.

“How long have you felt that way?” Michael asks softly, holding his friend gently in his arms. The last thing he wants is Luke to think Michael won’t listen, won’t care for his problems anymore. “The two of you seemed a little distant before my trip to Brazil, was that why?”

Luke shrugs, sniffling a little but not moving his head from its resting place on Michael’s chest. “I mean, not then? It was around the time I broke up with Becca, someone who truly deserved better. I had to tell her that I had feelings for my best friend, and that I’m sorry. It didn’t dawn on me until Amber dumped him that I didn’t want him to be sad, I didn’t want him to be hurt and feel as if he wasn’t loved.”

“Have you told him?” Michael asks, and Luke nods.

“Last night, he asked if we could go get some dinner together, talk about the obvious distance that had come between us. He apologized for it, talked to me about how he’s been an ass lately but he doesn’t want me to hate him.” He shuts his eyes, tears leaking out before he confesses, “He told me he loved me, and I told him that I wasn’t _ready.”_

It’s then that Michael realizes just how out of the loop he’s been lately with his bandmates; He didn’t see any of the signs regarding his friends having feelings for one another, only slightly taking notice of the tension before writing it off completely. Wasn’t a band supposed to be like a family, and take care of one another?

All he feels is that he let his bandmates down completely.

“Ready for him to love you back, or ready to admit to yourself that you love him?” Michael asks cautiously, gentle hands resting on Luke ready to comfort him if necessary.

“I don’t know, Mikey,” Luke whispers. “My head is such a fucking mess right now, I don’t know. God, Mikey, he looked so _heartbroken._ I hurt the person I wanted to protect. Now I don’t even know if I can make him understand.”

Michael looks towards his coffee table, their lyrics scattered across it haphazardly, and reaches forward, taking Luke’s notebook in his hands. “I have a pretty good idea how you could,” he says, looking over the lyrics and smiling. “Let’s finish this song. It’s obvious it has a meaning for you, and maybe it can help Ashton see that your feelings for him and real.”

Luke shakes his head, taking the notebook hesitantly. “I don’t know Mikey.”

“Trust me,” Michael promises, patting his friend’s back comfortingly. “It’s not as if you need to date him immediately. This is just something to let him know that you love him too, and you want him to know you made a mistake. If I know Ashton the way I do, he’ll be understanding.” He taps one of the lyrics, ruffling Luke’s hair. “You can’t change the world, Luke, but maybe you can change his mind.”

With a laugh, Luke pushes Michael away, sitting back up and wiping at his eyes. “Using my lyrics against me, you’re a dick.” A smile graces Luke’s face, the kind that shows Michael that, at least for the moment, he’s going to be alright. “Let’s get this song finished. The faster we get it done, the faster you can hang out with your boyfriend.”

Michael scoffs, shoving Luke gently. “Now _you’re_ the dick. I like hanging out with you guys too, you know.”

Luke smiles. “I know. I just like seeing you get all defensive about Calum is all.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

*

**LIVERPOOL FC SUPERSTAR CALUM HOOD ANNOUNCES PRESS CONFRENCE FOR 25 JULY, WILL ANNOUNCE TEAM CONTRACT**

_Whispers around the locker rooms in Liverpool have all seemed to center around their striker, Calum Hood, lately. The man behind their recent success has his contract going up soon, and it is unclear if he will be returning to Anfield Stadium with his team this upcoming season._

_“We’ve negotiated contracts and salaries with him for the upcoming season, but he has not decided for sure if he will be coming back just yet,” a source inside the team has confirmed. “There is a good chance he will transfer elsewhere, but we have high hopes he will return with his team this season.”_

_Rumors have said that Hood has his eyes set on Arsenal, especially after their manager, Arsène Wenger, has expressed interest in recruiting the superstar. Hood, however, has been silent on social media and in the public recently, having last been spotted last month during the AllStar Charity Match held in Brazil._

_We will be broadcasting the press conference live on our website as soon as it goes live._

*

Michael can see just how tense Calum is before the press conference, and nothing worries him more. Calum’s shoulder are tense, the boy not breathing evenly as he takes in just how many reporters have shown up to the event. Michael knows this was going to be a huge thing, knew that tons of reporters from the sports world would be showing up to guarantee they are the first to report just what Calum’s final decision will be regarding his future.

Michael bet they weren’t ready for the second thing Calum would announce, and he knows that is exactly what is making Calum shake where he stands.

“Don’t think of it as telling the world,” he whispers in Calum’s ear, making the boy jump at his arrival but not tear his attention away from the stage. “Ignore the fact that there are a ton of reporters out there with their cameras, waiting for you to say something revealing and juicy for them to spread around their websites or magazines.” He takes Calum’s hand, not caring if anyone sees, and kissing his knuckles softly. “If you need something to help you, picture them as your family. Picture me, the guys. People you have already told, and know damn well that they love you regardless.”

“And if that doesn’t work?”

Someone on the stage taps their finger against the microphone, the feedback vibrating in their ears and making the two of them jump. Calum’s chest begins to rise and fall rapidly, his nerves beginning to rise even more and Michael places both hands on his shoulders. “I love you, okay? This is terrifying, but I promise you that no matter what happens out there, there are still people out there that love you so, so much. Don’t think about needing to satisfy the press, because what they think doesn’t mean _shit._ You’ve got this.” He presses one last, gentle kiss to Calum’s lips before the announcer calls Calum’s name, the reporters applauding softly as Calum steps onto the stage, Michael watching closely from the sidelines.

*

The first thing Calum noticed when he stepped onto the stage was the overwhelming amount of lights. Cameras were already snapping picture after picture of his arrival, stage lights illuminating everything around him and making everything all too _bright._ It had been so long, or at least felt so long, since Calum had been in a position like this, Liverpool backdrop behind him and discussing details of the team and himself. He should feel at home up here, having done this dozens of times before.

This wasn’t like any normal time addressing the press, however, and he knew that. This was a whole new thing, and instead of discussing game highlights and what he expects from his teammates in the next game, he was discussing his exit and revealing his sexuality. It was something they would not be expecting, but he wasn’t going for shock factor; he was stepping out from the darkness and allowing himself to be honest with everyone, including himself.

He was sick of hiding who he was, and he wasn’t about to keep hiding.

Taking a deep breath, he adjusts the cap on his head and begins to speak. “Thank you all for coming this morning, for joining me at this time. All I ask of you is patience in regards to my decision, as well as respect as the conference progresses. If you could keep those two things in mind, I promise that this conference will be well worth your time, as well as mine.”

He clears his throat, stealing a quick glance to the side of the stage where Michael stands, offering a thumbs up as sending a surge of confidence through Calum. It felt easier, having Michael here for him during this moment, and he only wishes his family could be alongside him as well.

_Breathe in, breathe out._

“As the upcoming season approaches, I know many of you have wondered exactly what direction I will be heading. My contract with Liverpool has gone up, and while the possibility for me to resign with the team I’ve been with for my entire career thus far still stands, I will not deny that I have received other offers that were worth considering.” He feels his hands shake on the podium, and he makes sure to grip it in order to keep himself steady. “After some consideration, and discussion with both my manager, my team’s manager, and close family and friends, I have reached a decision as to where I will take my talents for the upcoming season.”

The room grows silent then, save for some more snaps of the cameras, before Calum speaks. “I have decided to not renew my contract with Liverpool, and instead will be playing for Arsenal during the upcoming season. I have spoken with Mr. Wenger as far as my contract with them will go, but I am incredibly excited to see what the move to London and the opportunity to play at Emirates will bring.”

More camera snaps begin, reporters scrambling to speak over one another for a chance to get Calum to speak, but he wasn’t quite finished just yet. Anxiety bubbles in his stomach as his manager begins to calm the crowd, can sense the reporter’s curious expressions and them wondering what was left to say.

It was now or never.

“My decision to sign with Arsenal, while a professional one, was also personal. I have always respected Mr. Wegner as a manager, and I know that this team will be a perfect fit for me in regards of playing style, sportsmanship, and team dynamic.” _You’ve got this Calum, breathe._ “It has also, after speaking with various team members, become a place where I can proudly say I will be able to by myself without fear of scrutiny, discrimination.

“When I first began my career, I knew who I was. There wasn’t any denial, a moment where I reconsidered. For too long now I have been putting on a mask, pretending that I was something I wasn’t, and no longer will I wear that mask to please the ones I thought would mind. The ones that do mind, don’t matter. So, I can proudly say today that I am, in fact, an openly gay man. I’ve wanted to say that for months now, to tell the world just that, and now that this is out in the open, I feel as though there are no more secrets. I feel lighter now, better.” Calum smiles, the first smile since he’s been at the podium, and it feels so _good._ “I am now opening the floor for questions, but keep my words from the beginning in mind. While I understand most will have harsh words regarding my sexuality, I do ask for some respect and patience, as well as privacy in regards of future relationships from here on out. Thank you.”

The floor erupts into shouts, more cameras flashing in his face as his manager begins to tame the ravenous crowd. While there is still anxiety pooling in his belly about the upcoming questions, knowing damn well they will not be about Arsenal whatsoever, he’s ready. He turns his head to the side, and Michael is still there. He’s beautiful, eyes glimmering with tears and a smile that Calum can only know means he’s so, so proud of him.

Calum’s proud of _himself._ He wasn’t joking when he told everyone he felt lighter. He _does._ There is nothing to hide anymore, the weight on his shoulders of never being able to be himself in the open has now vanished, and he feels far more confident than before, ready to take on everyone.

“Martin Lennox, I’m with World Soccer Online. You had said that Arsenal would be a place, and I quote, ‘without fear of scrutiny, discrimination.’ Are you telling us that during your time in Liverpool, you felt as if you were in fear of such things?”

“In my first year at Liverpool, there were some derogatory terms used in the locker rooms as well as practices, terms that made me feel uncomfortable, but I could not voice that. While my former teammates do mean a lot to me, I can say that their beliefs had me fearing if I could ever truly come out, and if it would affect my playing. In the end, as much as they mean to me, I chose to go somewhere I would be more accepted.”

Martin seems satisfied with Calum’s answer, thought he smirk on his face as he takes his seat has Calum worried. The media has a tradition with twisting words, and Calum has a feeling Martin was the kind to do just that.

A woman in the front stands up, nervous smile on her face as she looks up from her notepad to speak. “Stephanie Lacroix, Sports Weekly. Last month there were rumors going around regarding you and _5 Seconds of Summer_ guitarist Michael Clifford. While you did speak publicly and announced that the two of you were just friends, with this recent revelation of your sexuality, does that still stand true?”

It’s hard to fight the smile that appears on his face at the mention of Michael’s name, the thudding in his heart. He casts a glance over towards Michael, who still stands off to the side and grins at him, earning yet another thumbs up and an answer. “I guess I should revise that answer, shouldn’t I?” he cracks a smile, and a good portion of the reporters laugh alongside him. “He’s giving me a thumbs up from over there, so I have his permission to say that, yes, I am indeed in a relationship with Michael Clifford, and I am, indeed, the happiest man in the world because of it.”

The rest of the conference seems to fly by in front of him, more questions being answered and actual congratulations regarding his decisions. Calum knows this is only the beginning, knows that things will never be this easy when he steps out of the building, but right now, he feels as if he’s on top of the world.

Michael drives him home afterwards, their hands intertwined at the center console as they drive slowly through the Liverpool streets to Calum’s apartment. Michael hasn’t stopped smiling since they have got in the car, and Calum’s heart has yet to finish fluttering. It’s with that feeling still in his veins, that Calum has the guts to ask, “How do you feel about moving to London with me?”

The grip on Calum’s hand tightens, Michael lifting their hands up to place a kiss to Calum’s knuckles as he says, “London is quite beautiful, I don’t see why not.” He winks then, making Calum giggle before leaning across and pressing a quick kiss to Michael’s cheek.

He knows what is coming in the future: Michael will soon be busy doing press for the band, himself will be thrown into practices for the upcoming season before he could blink an eye. Right now though? Right now he’s damn certain that the future is brighter than ever.


	6. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I am so, so sorry for how long it took for this chapter to come out. School has been a god damn NIGHTMARE for me, and work hasn't been much better. Add to the fact that my motivation left me halfway through this chapter and it was just a disaster. 
> 
> Second, I apologize for this chapter not being my best. Like I said, my motivation vanished halfway through and it wasn't until tonight that I got it back. 
> 
> Lastly, PLEASE DO NOT MESSAGE ME WHEN THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE. As stated above, school has been a bitch and work has been one as well. I will write when I can, I promise. 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter, though. Also, don't hate me.

It’s a brisk August morning in London when Michael wakes up, and it’s the cool air hitting his skin that makes him realize that he is now alone in bed. It’s quite obvious that Calum isn’t there, considering the lack of body heat clinging to Michael’s bare side and the fact that, since they had moved in together, Michael’s arm wasn’t numb from Calum sleeping on it. If Michael was being honest with himself, he missed the numbing sensation Calum always left behind in the mornings.

The blinds are still closed, so Michael can only assume that the sun hasn’t risen yet. It’s unusual for Michael to be up at such an early time in the morning, and he likes to blame it on the fact that his boyfriend was no longer beside him and keeping him company. He’s always managed to sleep better with Calum beside him, snoring quietly into his ear and making him feel less alone. His mornings were always better when Calum was there to wake up with him.

Releasing a loud groan, Michael forces himself out of their bed and shuffles towards the bathroom, grabbing a shirt he’s pretty sure if Calum’s off of the dresser and throwing it on before flipping the switch to the room on and looking at himself in the mirror. It’s obvious that Calum has at least been in there for the morning; the toothpaste is oozing into the sink and the bristles of his toothbrush are damp. Michael frowns as he cleans up the mess in the sink before brushing his own teeth, looking around the bathroom for more signs of where his boyfriend could have possibly disappeared to.

Calum had never once left Michael before the boy woke up.  Not even when they had first started sharing a bed back when they had only been a month in. It was an unwritten rule almost, that both of them wake up together in the mornings and then decide which one of them either got the shower first or made breakfast. Calum being gone made Michael wonder if something was wrong.

Their now shared apartment rests in the middle of London, a small living space considering how much both of the boys make with their respective careers. It was perfect when they had moved in together for the first time, the perfect resting spot for Calum’s transfer to Arsenal and Michael having a good spot for his music career. While Calum would go to work at Emirates Stadium, Michael would drive to the studio and stay for a few hours with his bandmates, having a beer or two before coming home to Calum.

It was absolutely perfect. Then again, Michael was a romantic who believed that anywhere with Calum was perfect. That was another story.

There’s a small balcony connecting to their bedroom that Michael normally spends his mornings with a cup of coffee, waiting for Calum to finish up his shower so they can discuss breakfast. Normally the sun is already in the sky by the time the two of them wake up, but this particular morning the sun was rising slowly, and Michael watches the beauty of the skies colors as it rises.

It's been particularly rainy the past few weeks in London, not quite out of the ordinary but enough to leave Michael with quite the mood. Despite having lived in England for quite some time it seemed to him that the weather would always bother him. Sometimes he debated moving to Los Angeles, maybe get some warmer weather and more music buzz, but London had become home. Calum was home. Leaving for California meant leaving Calum here, and that was something Michael was not willing to do.

He nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels cold fingertips touch his bare hips, but calms the moment he feels soft, gentle lips press against his shoulder. They belong to the love of his life, his home, and Michael could never be more welcoming of them against his skin.

“Sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up,” Calum whispers into Michael’s pale skin, peppering more kisses until he reaches Michael’s jaw. “I figured I could go for a jog before you got up, considering you are not a fan of running.”

Michael wasn’t; Calum was the athletic one in their relationship, always needing to keep in shape for the football season while Michael preferred the comfort of their couch. Of course, there were some particular work outs Michael didn’t mind, and they helped him stay energized when he performed on stage. Still, Michael wasn’t a fan of being overworked and tired. Even his job didn’t leave him like that, instead making him more energetic and ready for anything. He preferred that feeling over anything. Then again, the feeling Calum gives him every day is his favorite as well.

What could he say? He really was a romantic.

Michael turns in Calum’s arms, kissing his boyfriend good morning as the cold morning breeze came through. It nipped at Michael’s warm skin, but maybe that’s not where the goosebumps decorating his skin are coming from. Calum’s kiss always struck something in Michael that he simply couldn’t describe beyond lightning.

“Pancakes or omelets?” Calum asks, nuzzling their noses together. Michael can taste his boyfriend’s breath on his tongue, sweet and minty from the toothpaste. None of the breakfast items Calum even listed sound near as appetizing as his boyfriend’s lips, which is why Michael doesn’t bother with giving in answer in favor of capturing those lips once more.

“Sex,” Michael mumbles, fingers tangling themselves in the hairs at the nape of Calum’s neck. “I think some morning sex would be wonderful. Breakfast can wait for later.” He removes his lips from the boy’s mouth and leads them down his neck, sucking and biting as Calum let’s out a laugh and shoves him away, making Michael pout.

“Well I just went for a long run and I’m hungry,” Calum says, stripping out of his sweaty shirt and changing into a pair of his team shorts. “So I’m making one or the other. I can promise you that afterwards we can get a nice, long shower to fulfill your request, alright?” He kisses Michael’s lips gently before heading towards the kitchen. Michael swears he’s swaying his hips that particular way on purpose, and it is certainly not helping the straining against his boxers.

He often wonders back to how he got so lucky, to have someone as wonderful as Calum to love. He remembers his times as a teenager, being so afraid that no one would care to love him the way he wanted to be loved, or even the present where he was famous and in risk of being used for fifteen minutes of fame. Meeting Calum was something of a blessing. Calum didn’t care that Michael was world famous and loved by millions of people. He saw Michael as a normal human being who snored and always stole the covers.

Michael was lucky, that was for sure.

The move, in Michael’s opinion, was something both of them really needed at that moment in time. There were definitely some better studios in the London area than in Liverpool, and their record company were more than happy to have them base out of London and be in the city more. It also appeared that Calum was much happier in a new setting, the smile on his face never quite leaving whenever he mentioned his new team, his new life.

It's almost been an entire month since his press conference and coming out, and Michael hasn’t seen Calum so happy since he started dating the boy. While there were some media outlets and fans who were less than kind about the announcement, Michael was taken aback by just how much love and sentiments have been sent Calum’s way. It outweighed the bad, but Michael would admit some days he’d find Calum alone, wondering if he made the right choice.

In the end, Calum kissed him in public, held his hand and was all smiles when he talked about his relationship and sexuality in the media. There was nothing to hide anymore, and Michael could tell it made Calum a better person than he already was before.

The press conference feels like years ago now, as he steps down the stairs and grins at the sight of his boyfriend cooking up some breakfast for the two of them. They were so comfortable around each other now, so in love that everything that was built up against them couldn’t possibly hurt them. It had been the happiest four months Michael has ever had in his life, and it was a shame that in just one week all of that was going to be really put to the test.

“I can feel you staring at me,” Calum comments as he continues to cook up a breakfast stir fry, never looking up from the steaming pan. “Why don’t you come over here and taste this for me? Or take a picture of me, I’ve heard from multiple people that it lasts a lot longer.” There’s a joking tone in his voice that has Michael grinning even wider as he steps over towards him, stealing the spatula and scooping up some of the food to taste.

It burns his tongue on contact, making Calum stifle a giggle as Michael hisses and fans his tongue. Once he gets a proper bite, though, the pain doesn’t seem so bad. Calum’s always been the most amazing chef, but his breakfast stir fry was quite possibly the greatest thing that has entered Michael’s mouth. (Well, it comes in second to something else, but Michael didn’t feel that was appropriate to say at that moment.)

“I heard the guys are coming over today,” Calum comments, taking the spatula back from Michael and continuing to stir breakfast. “Ashton said something about it being a single choosing session to announce your next album? Which is weird, considering you told me that you have yet to even _start_ said album.”

Michael swallows down the breakfast, leaning his back against their kitchen counter and folding his arms across his chest. “Well I have _never_ lied to you, and I promise we haven’t started quite yet. Ash just wants to go through what we’ve written so far and pick which ones we see as potential singles. Even if we find one we all like enough it is up to the record company which gets chosen.” He pulls a couple of plates out from the cupboards and grabs two glasses, placing them on the table before turning towards their fridge. “What do you want to drink babe, orange or apple juice?”

“Considering I drank the last of the apple juice last night, orange,” Calum comments, not turning away from the stir fry. “Make sure you actually grab the one without pulp this time too, okay? I’m not a huge fan of chunks, unlike you.”

Michael scoffs, holding a hand to his chest in fake offense. “Well excuse you, I like to have as much Vitamin C as I can get, okay?” He grabs the separate carton of juice, the one with ‘CAL!’ written in sharpie and places it on the table, watching as Calum finishes up the stir fry. Michael’s shirt hangs quite loosely off of Calum’s frame; the boy must have grabbed it from the laundry room before he started cooking. It’s adorable, really, and Michael can’t resist walking over and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, placing a kiss on Calum’s temple. “I love you.”

Calum hums, his smile hard to hide with how it takes over his face. He looks up at Michael, smile on full display before Michael kisses his forehead. “I love you too.” He responds, quick to peck Michael’s lips before turning back to their breakfast and turning down the stove. “This just needs to sit for a little, then it should be ready for us to enjoy. Want me to make a pot of coffee?”

Michael shakes his head, devilish grin on his face as he scoops Calum up in his arms, the boy squealing as Michael carries him towards the living room and drops him down onto the couch. Calum’s giggling uncontrollably at this point, watching as Michael slips off his shirt and dips down, kissing up Calum’s chest before pecking his lips. “Later?”

“What if we burn breakfast, huh?” Calum questions, removing his own shirt. He slams his lips into Michael’s the two of them exploring the other’s mouths, hands roaming and the feeling of _want_ rushing through their veins.

“We won’t, if we’re quick.”

*

Later, as they are eating Pop Tarts on the living room couch, windows open to air out the smoke smell, Calum leans into Michael’s bare chest and whispers, “Told you.”

Michael rolls his eyes, smiling at Calum fondly. “Worth it.”

*

Calum has already left for the Emirates Stadium by the time the guys come over, Zack holding a case of beer in one hand and an acoustic guitar in the other. Michael lights up immediately at the sight of his bass player, pulling him into a hug and taking the case of beer. “You are a saint Zack Merrick, you truly are.”

Zack laughs, shrugging before flinging himself onto Michael’s couch with a sigh. “I do my best. It was mostly Luke’s suggestion I bring it, said it was his house warming gift for you since he didn’t get you one beforehand.”

“That is _not_ what I said!” Luke cries from the doorway, Michael turning to see his band mate looking quite offended at Zack’s words. It brings a smile to Michael’s face, pulling Luke into a hug us well. “I was originally going to bring you a box of condoms but both Ashton and Zack told me that would not be a nice gift for you. I for one thought it was _brilliant.”_ He pulls Michael into a hug, the two men laughing into the other’s neck with wide grins. “How was the gross domestic life been for you?”

Michael lights up at Luke’s question, the past month swirling through his mind in snapshots. “The closest thing to perfect.” He tells him, eyes sparkling as he tries to center around one particular moment, despite all of them being ones he could easily tell an entertaining story about. “A little scary, of course, but I honestly cannot see myself living comfortably with anyone else but Calum.” He laughs, a fond grin etched onto his face as his friends gather around the couch, taking their places with their own bottles of beer.

“It’s nice to see you so happy Mikey,” Ashton comments, pulling out his writing notebook and placing it on the mess of a coffee table. He flips through a couple of pages before settling on one in particular, grinning. “Try not to rub it in too much today though, yeah? I get enough bragging about your cute little relationship from Calum when we hang out, I don’t need to hear it repeated.”

Michael flips him off with another laugh, nestling between Luke and Zack on the couch before grabbing his own notebook somewhere in the mess atop of the coffee table. It reminds Michael that he was supposed to clean it a few days ago, Calum having asked him to put his comic books somewhere else so when guests arrived it wouldn’t be such a mess.

Oh well.

“I would like to officially start this band meeting by saying Michael and I have written a _masterpiece,”_ Luke begins, tapping Michael’s notebook with a proud smirk on his face. “I believe it should be a contender for our first single off our new album because it has a catchy chorus, lyrics that come from the heart, _and_ because Mike and I are great partners.” He holds a hand out for Michael to give him a high five, and with a chuckle, Michael obliges.

Zack ponders over the lyrics, nodding his head as his finger traces them down the page. “I’ll admit, this is good,” he looks towards Ashton, whose notebook is open to his own song. “Ash, I know you’ve been working on your own song for the past few days. How about you share it with us?”

“Gladly,” Ashton grins, handing his notebook off to his bandmates. “My song is about the addiction of love, how no matter how much the person hurts you or lies to you, you can’t help but love them with everything you have. It’s relatable, and while I pictured it being a slower song, it still hits heavy.” His eyes glance over at Luke, and his proud grin fades slightly.

“ _You make it sound so sweet, when you lie to me,”_ Luke reads aloud, voice soft as he takes in the lyrics. Michael and Zack share a knowing look, both of them wondering if Luke has finally realized just what the song _means._ They watch as their lead singer turns to look at Ashton, but what comes out of the boy’s mouth was not what they expected. “Wow Ashton, could you be anymore god damn obvious that you wrote this about me?”

Michael tenses, Luke’s harsh tone taking him by surprise as he swats his bandmate’s arm, looking at him with a dark glare. “Don’t be so fucking full of yourself Luke.” He scolds, offering a supportive grin in Ashton’s direction. “I like it, Ash. It’s what we need for the album, something heavy and from a deep place in your heart. The fans will like it, I guarantee.”

“Thank you Michael,” Ashton chirps, turning to face Luke. “I like your song too, Luke. It’s lighthearted, yearning. The complete opposite of you, so that’s interesting. Nice to see you step out of your element and attempt to change my mind about you.” His words contain the same venom Luke’s did, and Michael can feel just how _awkward_ everything is between them all.

Zack raises an eyebrow, clearing his throat and getting up from his chair. “I need a beer,” he decides, heading towards the kitchen and grabbing a cold beer from the fridge. Michael requests one for himself, ignoring the death glares Luke and Ashton are directing towards the other. They are being ridiculous, and if Michael was going to make it through this band meeting he needed some beer in his system.

“I find it hilarious that you think you need to change my mind,” Ashton spits, pointing at the lyric in question on the notebook. “You were the one that changed yours, right after I told you that I loved you. You were the one who decided you weren’t ready, that despite you saying you loved me too you just couldn’t handle being with me. What exactly do you need to change in my mind Luke, huh?”

“What about you huh?” Luke counters, shoving Ashton’s notebook back in his face. “ _You’re the thing that I can’t quit?_ Obsessed much?” He stands up from his chair, meeting chest to chest with Ashton as both boys look at each with ferocity in their eyes. “You know what, I’m really beginning to see why Amber left you. You are fucking clingy.”

Michael gasps softly at Luke’s words, watching as the color drains from Ashton’s face as his words hit. There seems to be a hint of regret in Luke as he takes in Ashton’s face, but before an apology could be said the front door to the apartment opens up, Calum stepping into the room and placing his practice bag down on the ground by their kitchen table.

When he takes in the situation, he pauses at the fridge. “Oh, um,” he stumbles, looking between the boys with confusion. “Did I interrupt something?”

Michael shakes his head, placing his beer down on the mess of a coffee table and walking towards his boyfriend, kissing the boy’s lips sweetly. “It’s alright, just a little disagreement regarding some lyrics we wrote. How was practice?”

“Good?” Calum says, but the words come out more as a question than an answer. He takes in the looks on Luke and Ashton’s faces, trying to piece together the situation. Michael can tell he wants to say something, try and help with whatever argument he believes the two of them are currently having, but he doesn’t get the chance. Ashton is already grabbing his notebook, slamming it shut and grabbing his jacket, shoving past Luke on his way to the door.

“Ashton!” Zack calls after him, his own beer being placed next to Michael’s as he darts towards the boy. Ashton has already yanked the door open and is out into the hallway, Zack stopping at Calum and Michael to offer an apologetic smile. “It’s alright, everything is all good.”

It doesn’t take long for Ashton to come storming back, embarrassment on his face as he whispers. “Zack, you drove.”

The bassist nods, digging in his pockets for the car keys and handing them to Ashton apologetically. “I’ll be down in a bit, okay?”

As Ashton leaves back into the hallway, Zack turns towards Luke with disgust. “What the _fuck_ is wrong with you two? I thought you guys were friends, _regardless_ of what ever feelings you have towards each other!”

Luke shakes his head, his own tears beginning to make an appearance. Realization of his words begin to settle in, but he doesn’t make an attempt to go after Ashton, nor does he bother with answering Zack’s question. All Michael can tell is that Luke just looks ashamed, as he should.

Zack throw his hands up, walking away from Luke and back towards the doorway. He offers an apology to both Michael and Calum before giving Luke once last look. “Pull your head out of your ass Luke, okay? Downstairs is a boy who loves you so much it’s _killing him._ I don’t give a shit if you are not ready to be with him or not, you need to _fix this.”_ It’s his final words before he darts after Ashton, leaving Luke alone with Michael and Calum, both of whom look less than happy with the situation.

“Did I _miss_ something?” Calum demands, looking between his boyfriend and his bandmate. His eyes narrow at Luke, arms crossed. “What did you do to Ashton?” His stance has become protective, and Michael knows it is for good reason. Ashton has become a good friend of Calum’s practically a _best_ friend. Michael knows just how fiercely protective someone could be of such a good friend, especially when their feelings have become involved.

Luke looks near the verge of tears, eyes red and threatening with waterworks as he quickly wipes at his eyes, avoiding Calum’s hard glance as he chokes out, “I fucked up. I massively _fucked up.”_

“Yeah, you did,” Michael deadpans, a look identical to his boyfriend’s etched onto his face. “Luke, I love you, you are my best friend, but whatever is happening between you and Ashton needs to be settled. You’re _hurting him._ I know damn well it is hurting you to do that, yet you continue to damage his feelings and disregard the fact that on your little journey to protect yourself, you are allowing him to take the brunt of it all.” He looks towards the open front door, no one having shut it behind them, and motions towards it. “Talk to him. _Please._ It’s the least you could do for him.”

Luke nods, breathing in deeply as if to shake off his nerves. “Okay.” He nods, a wobbling smile on his lips as he begins a slow walk towards the door. Michael offers him a gentle nudge, a light laugh as Luke stumbles slightly and gives Michael a non-lethal glare.

“The slower you walk the faster he leaves,” Michael shrugs, and he swears Luke nods so quickly the boy might just give himself whiplash. Before another word can be uttered Luke is out the door, calling Ashton’s name without a care in the world for Michael and Calum’s floor mates. A feeling of proud shoots through Michael’s veins as he softly shuts the door, turning to Calum and giving him a proper welcome home kiss. “I’m sorry you had to walk in on that mess.”

Calum shrugs, waving it off with a dismissive hand. “Doesn’t bother me. If it prevents Ashton from calling me up in tears, I’ll be grateful. I hate to hear him so upset.” He pulls away from Michael and pulls a disgusted look at his boyfriend’s T-shirt. “Yikes, I left a sweat stain on your chest.”

Michael looks down with fake horror, gasping at Calum. “How _dare you._ Not only do you need a shower now, I guess I will have to join you since you have rubbed your practice sweat and grossness all over me.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively, almost _comically,_ and it has Calum howling with laughter as he pulls his practice jersey up over his head, tossing it into their living room before kissing Michael’s nose.

“Last one in the shower does laundry!” He whispers, and before Michael can even react his boyfriend is tearing off towards their bathroom, giggling the entire way. Michael doesn’t bother chasing after him, watching fondly as he takes his time walking towards the bathroom.

He picks up Calum’s discarded jersey on his way, the thought of doing _their_ laundry in _their_ apartment not sounding that bad after all.

**

**_5 SECONDS OF SUMMER_ TALK ALBUM, DATING, AND POSSIBILITY OF STADIUM TOUR**

Editor’s Note: This interview was recorded and written before the announcement that Guitarist Michael Clifford and Former Liverpool striker Calum Hood were officially dating. Comments from the band regarding said relationship will not be current _._

_While the weather outside is quite dreary, the inside of Hi or Hey Records studio is cheerful and cozy enough to forget entirely about the storm raging on outside. It’s quaint, only an extension studio from the main one located in the heart of London, but that doesn’t seem to deter the group of boy’s seated around me at all. Luke Hemmings, lead singer and darling of the media, is playing what appears to be some sort of inappropriate card game with drummer Ashton Irwin, the two of them giggling to themselves endlessly as they lay down another card. Bassist Zack Merrick slams down his own card, looking particularly proud of what he’s settled down with a confident grin._

_Guitarist Michael Clifford, however, seems more far off. He doesn’t participate in the banter and fun with his bandmates. Instead, he’s settled silently in his chair, notebook resting against his knee as he scribbles what could possibly be the next best thing from the band’s upcoming album, which has yet to be announced, or even titled._

_“I’m just drawing a picture for Ashton!” Michael insists, laughing as I ask what exactly he has been scribbling. When he displays the drawing, a rather crude one of a drumming penis, the band all howls with laughter, and I can’t help but join in on the inappropriate joke. Sue me, it was quite a comical work of art._

_When the band finally settles down, that is when they are nothing but business. When asked how far along they are with their next album, all four of them have faces reminiscent of a child on Christmas morning, It’s when they discuss their music that they all seem to be happiest, and the passion shines through their eyes in such a beautiful way._

_“We have written nearly three hundred songs,” Merrick reveals, flipping through a separate notebook from Clifford’s to prove his point. “We know most of these will not be winners, but there is some damn good material we have come up with together, and there is definitely a new side of 5SOS in here that we can’t wait for the fans to see.”_

_Irwin is nodding enthusiastically beside him, his trademark grin making an appearance as he chimes in with his own view. “Every album we want to be something new, but also remain ourselves. We still want our fans to recognize who we are, but at the same time see just how much we mature. Our past albums have always been about growing into our sound, messing with new elements and seeing just how they shape us as a band. Being in the spotlight gives us new opportunities, allows us to experience new people, new places, and form songs from said experiences. Our main goal for this album is to create a stadium sound, songs that would sound incredible if performed to a much larger audience than what we’ve seen in our arena tours.”_

_Does this mean we might be getting a 5 Seconds of Summer stadium tour? “That would be an incredible milestone,” Hemmings exclaims, nibbling on his bottom lip where his infamous lip ring used to rest. Only recently has he been seen without it, a recent tweet claiming it to have fallen out during a drunken night with the band. “I believe if we at least reach that stage, we have officially become what we have always dreamed we would be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m already incredibly proud of what we have accomplished at this point in our careers, but stadiums? That is every artist’s dream. It’s the big leagues!”_

_The subject of their personal lives comes up incidentally, with Merrick beginning to tease Clifford for not so discreetly texting someone when the attention is seemingly away from him. It’s hard to miss the fond smile on the guitarist’s face as he finishes his text, placing his phone in his pocket and dismissing Merrick’s claims of a crush. “What if I’m texting my mother?” Clifford protests, with Hemmings spitting out a playful, “Oh fuck off!” in response._

_Of course, Clifford could have been texting his mother. With recent rumors of a possible relationship with a certain Liverpool player though, I couldn’t help but be curious in regards to just whom the mysterious person on the other end of the conversation could be. When asked, Clifford only offers a shrug, saying, “I have a funny friend, let’s just say that.”_

_“Does his name happen to begin with a C and end with an alum?” Irwin teases, earning a blush from Clifford before he blurts out a simple, “No!”_

_In regards to the rest of the band, it appears the majority is single, including Clifford, who insists that his relationship with Calum Hood is strictly platonic. “We met at our end of tour party and happened to have a lot of common interests. It’s nice to have a friend outside of the band, considering how big of assholes these guys are.”_

_Cue the defensive remarks from his bandmates, leaving this journalist in near tears as they banter. It has always been a riot talking with the band, and it’s hard to rally them back together to properly end the interview. Even when I do, however, it ends with laughter and more banter, reminding me why this band has always been such a pleasure to interview._

_Not only do these four have the charisma, looks, and passion that continues to make them one of the most entertaining group of men in the music industry, they have the talent to drive them towards the stadium dream. It wouldn’t be a surprise if you were to discover them headlining stadiums across the world next year, and you should definitely keep your eyes open for them to arrive in your town._

**

Michael can feel Calum tossing and turning in his sleep, the boy tugging the covers over to his side of the bed with each movement. He can’t blame his boyfriend for his fitful sleep, understands completely how the boy hasn’t relaxed enough to ease into a perfect sleep. If Michael was in his position, he would still be wide eyed and staring at the ceiling.

Placing a gentle hand against his boyfriend’s arm, Michael whispers softly, “Calum, baby, wake up.”

It doesn’t take much for Calum to rise from his short lived rest, looking at Michael with tired eyes. He curls into Michael instantly, the palm of his hand resting against Michael’s bare stomach and fingers tracing delicate circles on the pale skin. “Can’t sleep.” Calum mumbles into Michael’s chest.

“I figured,” Michael pushes some sweaty curls from his boyfriend’s forehead, thumb tracing Calum’s shoulder comfortingly. “Would you like to talk about it, see if that helps?”

“I’m going to fuck everything up,” Calum blurts out, squeezing his eyes shut to block out the image. “It’s my first game playing with Arsenal, and I can promise that it is going to end as a disaster. I mean, the only way this could have been made worse would be if we happened to be matched up against Liverpool.”

Michael can’t help but agree with that logic, knowing damn well that wouldn’t help with his boyfriend’s already out of control nerves about his first game. The past week has already been quite a struggle for the boy, with practices becoming more grueling than before as they prep for the opening of the new season, training to fit in with the already tight team bond. He’s watched as Calum has become more fitful at night because of it, and tonight it had grown worse with tomorrow being the end result of Calum’s hard work.

He needed a good night’s rest, and it wasn’t coming to him.

“Want me to sing you to sleep?” Michael suggests, lips pressed against Calum’s forehead as he speaks. Calum lets out what seems to be a sound of agreement, and Michael laughs as his mind wanders to what he could sing to soothe his boyfriend into the sleep he desperately needs.

“ _I love the lightening, but not the rain,”_ Michael begins, whispering into Calum’s ear as he lets his fingers trace soft patterns into his boyfriend’s skin. “ _Tomorrow’s frightening but not today. Wish I could slow down time, but not enough to slow you down.”_

Calum releases a quiet yawn, snuggling further into Michael’s embrace as the man continues to sing, his voice growing softer as Calum’s breathing evens out as sleep overtakes him. It’s relaxing to watch as Calum’s body falls to ease, the stress leaving his body with each word that spills from Michael’s mouth. Before Michael can even reach the end of the song, Calum is already out once more, his soft breath tickling Michael’s neck as Michael finishes.

“ _Home is such a lonely place with you,”_ Michael sings, quieter than he was before, pressing a gentle kiss to Calum’s cheek. “ _Home is such a lonely place.”_

With Calum finally relaxed in his arms, Michael himself prepares to allow his own tired state of mind take him to dreamland.

Of course, that doesn’t seem to happen, because his phone lights up on his nightstand, signaling a phone call from what appears to be Zack. Strange, considering Michael knows for a damn fact that Zack cherishes sleep more than absolutely anything. There was no way in hell Zack would be up at three in the morning unless it was absolutely important.

Moving Calum gently, Michael slides out of his bed carefully before taking the phone call out in the hallway, speaking softly into the receiver. “Zack? What’s going on? It’s a little late for a phone call, don’t you think?”

“I just got off the phone with our manager,” Zack begins, sounding a mix between angry and exasperated. “He wants us on the first flight to California tomorrow, no exceptions.”

Michael frowns. “Zack, Calum’s first game is tomorrow, I have to be there and support him. There is no way I can- “

“ _Michael.”_

He stops, a heavy sigh on the other end meaning that what he is about to say next means business. Michael knows that his manager was a no nonsense kind of man, strange considering the band he happened to be managing, but what he decrees is always final. There was no way around it, and Michael knew for a damn fact if he needed the entire band’s presence ASAP it was something important.

“Zack, what happened?”

There’s a pause on the other end of the phone, before Zack says, “I didn’t know that there were paparazzi outside of your apartment this morning, when Ashton stormed out after his fight with Luke. Mike I swear if I had known I would have stopped them but before I knew it, it had already happened and they had their pictures.”

Michael’s heart thumps erratically in his chest. “Zack, what _happened?”_

Another pause. “Ashton punched Luke, man. Media is going crazy over the possibility of our band feuding with each other, Adam is _pissed,”_ He stops, a heavy sigh coming through the receiver before he finishes. “The label is threatening to drop us.”

Michael nearly drops his phone once the words leave Zack’s mouth, an icy cold shock rushing into his veins. “Over a _fight?_ Zack, that has got to be Adam making shit up there is no _way.”_

“That’s not it, Michael,” Zack continues. “They, um, apparently they’ve been discussing moving our album deadline up, telling Adam that if we don’t finish it by November then we are breaching our contract. Adam thinks it would be best if we were more concentrated on finishing the album, and he believes the best way to do so would be to station us in Los Angeles for a couple of weeks.”

“A couple of weeks?” Michael fish mouths. “Zack, that’s not- “

“I tried arguing Michael, I _did,_ but there isn’t much I could do.” Another exasperated sigh. “After our meeting tomorrow, he wants us to stay in Los Angeles until the album is done. Studio head says if we don’t comply we are dropped, no exceptions.”

Michael casts a glance back into his bedroom, where Calum sleeps now peacefully. He’s curled up around their covers, a gentle grin on his face as he snuggles into Michael’s pillow. Michael’s heart breaks to know that he will have to tell Calum tomorrow what he has to do, what he doesn’t have a _choice_ in doing.

“Okay,” he tells Zack, tears pricking his eyes. “I’ll see you and the guys tomorrow.”

When he slides back into bed, with Calum instinctively curling back into his side, it takes everything in him not to fall apart.


	7. September (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for how long this chapter took. As I had said before, this semester of school has destroyed me mentally and physically, and I cannot guarantee when the next chapter will be done at this time. Please bare with me in the meantime. I love you guys.

“I miss you.”

It’s how every single one of their conversations has begun with since Michael had left. A Skype call late into Michael’s night, where the sun has gone down a few hours’ prior, arriving at Calum’s morning, where the sun has slowly begun to rise. The time difference has become a bitch, that was one thing Michael has noted for sure, but they have created a set schedule each day for when they could contact each other where it wouldn’t be an inconvenience.

In Michael’s mind, however, Calum could never been an inconvenience. It was the highlight of his day when he finally got to see his boyfriend’s face, either it be a sleepy one in their shared bed back home or one from somewhere in their apartment. Calum even occasionally includes Bowie into his updates, the cat having grown to be Calum’s best friend in Michael’s absence. It both warms and breaks Michael’s heart to see the two things he loves the most together on one screen, and that he cannot even be with them.

Los Angeles wasn’t home, and Michael didn’t want it to be. The past couple of weeks had been nothing but hell as he and the band scrambled to get the album together with the label’s strict schedule, late night recordings and early morning writing sessions that only lead to grumpy outbursts or quick naps in the recording booth. It wasn’t healthy for any of them, being forced into such work, but the last thing Michael wanted was to lose what he had worked so damn hard for since day one.

Zack has been his rock since they’ve landed in Los Angeles, and Michael couldn’t be more grateful that he has his bassist to help him with the stress. Zack had always been the one more focused and invested in the band to begin with, pushing the others to work harder on their songs, practice more on their instruments before a recording. When the rest of the band was off in their own worlds, Zack was the one that brought them back to the reality of the band, and Michael believes it was what made them stronger in the end of it all.

It’s Zack who currently sits alongside Michael in the recording studio currently, smiling softly as Michael frowns at Calum’s words coming from the laptop perched onto the coffee table the label provided. It mostly holds empty, crushed cans of Red Bull the boys have discarded throughout the day, papers containing possible song lyrics or finished songs that they needed to still take to the booth. They had been mixing some possible beats to their music when the familiar chime of Michael’s Skype appeared, and it became an unwritten rule that they respect Michael’s time with his far away boyfriend.

“I miss you too,” Michael responds to Calum, taking in every aspect of his boyfriend while he can. It didn’t matter that the laptop screen was slightly grainy, distorting his boyfriend’s beauty slightly as he moved around the camera. Michael could still make out the rich brown eyes he fell in love with, the dark skin he pressed kiss after kiss into the morning he had announced he had to leave. Calum would always be stunningly beautiful, despite the filter the laptop gave off. “You’re back in London now, I see. Make sure you get some rest for tomorrow, okay?”

Calum’s soccer schedule had grown insane over the past month, and it was growing hard to keep up with from Michael’s end. If he had been correct, Calum should have just arrived back from a match against Paris SG, meaning the boy probably hadn’t slept since the game. Michael knew how Calum was at the end of matches now, how exhausted he was and how he refused to sleep until he had spoken to Michael.

“Sleep can wait,” Calum yawns, rubbing his eyes as he settles further into his pillow on their bed. Michael can distinctly see Bowie curled up onto Michael’s pillow in the background, and it makes him smile to see his little family all ready for bed. “It’s early morning here, you know. Technically, I should be waking up.”

“Not when you probably just got home you don’t,” Michael scolds, wanting so badly to reach through the screen and run a hand through his boyfriend’s unruly curls. He misses the feel of them between his fingertips, the coarse yet soft hair an inviting sensation to his fingertips. It was unfair that Skype restricted such touch, the cold glass of his laptop screen the only feeling Michael could get. “Tell Bowie that my pillow is not a bed.”

Calum laughs sleepily, peeking behind him and stroking the cat with the hand not tucked underneath the pillow. She purrs gently into the boy’s hand, snuggling further into the pillow as he continues to stroke her fur. “She misses you,” Calum tells him, a sad smile sent to Michael. “We both miss you. Maybe I can see if I can get a flight to Los Angeles, during an off week.”

As nice as that sounds, to have his boyfriend see him during this hell month he’s been enduring, he knows it won’t be easy to swing. Calum’s schedule is far too demanding, not including the games. Practice, interviews, photo shoots for various sponsors keep him away enough as it is. While Calum does deserve a nice break, it doesn’t come with just a snap of his fingers.

“I would love that,” Michael tells him regardless, too dazed with the thought of his boyfriend being closer to him to really care about the difficulty of it all. “Maybe if you were here this song writing would be a little easier. Right now our songs keep varying between, “Fuck you I deserve better,” to “Shut the fuck up we can do what we want.” We need something else.”

Calum laughs, the sound hurting Michael’s heart more as he watches his boy’s eyes crinkle. “I do believe I want to hear this “Shut the fuck up we can do what we want” song. I could introduce it to the team for our new warm up jam.” He yawns loudly into the camera, and Michael has a feeling the boy could pass out just about any minute.

“I promise you will be the first one to hear it,” Michael tells him, holding a pinky out, as if Calum could reach out and take it within his own. “Well, after the label and the band, of course.”

Calum merely grins sleepily, face squishing against the pillow adorably. “I’m going to hold you to that,” he mumbles into the pillow, another yawn leaving his mouth. “I’m starting to think this sleep idea isn’t half that bad. I should let you get back to work.”

It hurts so much to know that Calum won’t be speaking to him anymore, but Michael knows he should sleep. With the look Zack is currently giving him, it’s obvious he too should get back to what he was doing beforehand. Kissing the tips of his fingers, Michael carefully blows a kiss towards the camera, and sad smile on his lips. “I love you.”

It’s dorky, really, when Calum pretends to catch the kiss and press it against his lips. The action makes Michael’s heart flutter regardless. “I love you too.” The screen cuts to black shortly after, Calum’s icon switching to offline before Michael shuts his laptop with a sad sigh.

“You’ll see him again soon,” Zack promises him, moving towards the couch Michael was currently perched on and sitting beside him, a friendly hand to the knee. “How about we call it a night, pick up again in the morning? We can go back to the hotel and watch the highlights of his game on YouTube or something.”

The idea sounds nice, and Michael would love to see his boyfriend kicking ass out on the field. Yet something draws him to the open notebook resting on the coffee table, a pen nestled into the spine of it. “Go ahead, I think I got an idea.”

Zack grins, nodding his head before heading towards the door. “Just text me if you need me, okay? I think Luke and Ash are already asleep.” He waves farewell before he eventually exits the studio, leaving Michael alone with a page of a notebook ready to be filled with the lyrics threatening to swallow Michael whole if he doesn’t write them down in that exact moment.

It’s ridiculous how easy the lyrics come to him at that exact moment. He has spoken to Calum over Skype, text, and even occasional phone calls for the past few weeks, but for some reason it was only their recent Skype call that made him want to write all about it. He wanted to capture the essence of the distance between him and his boyfriend within a heartbreaking song, one that displayed perfectly just how broken and sad Michael was as the distance between him and Calum threatened to destroy them with every passing day.

The distance could do whatever the hell it wanted to the two of them. If Michael had any say in how all of this would pan out in the end, the two of them would be victorious. Something as simple as being a country away wasn’t going to tear them apart, it was going to make them stronger for their inevitable reunion.

By the time he finishes up, a glance at the clock on the wall telling him it’s well past one in the morning, Michael simply yawns and dials Zack’s number to pick him up, more content then ever as he leaves the studio.

**

Something most definitely happened the night before when he was at the studio, Michael was damn sure of it.

The first sign was when he woke up the next morning with an awfully cheerful Luke Hemmings knocking on his hotel room door with coffee, even some doughnuts from the bakery down the street the band has grown a rather strong liking to over the past few weeks. Michael’s favorites were wrapped into the little box, and his coffee was just the right brew that he nearly _moaned_ when it touched his tongue. When he had asked Luke what was up with the kind gesture, the boy had just shrugged and insisted that he just felt generous, before skipping off back towards his room.

The second sign had been when they all got into the car to head towards the studio. Michael hadn’t noticed it the first few minutes of the drive, all too pre occupied with finding the right playlist to listen to for the drive, but when he had looked up after selecting one, he noticed just how _close_ Ashton and Luke were sitting next to each other. For a moment he swore that the two of them were possibly holding hands, but shook it off as an illusion of his tired mind. They had grown back onto good terms, yes, but he had doubted they had gone to that step just yet.

It was impossible to shake off the feeling when they had begun recording for the day. While Zack seemed far more invested in messing with some bass grooves to go along with one of the songs, Michael couldn’t help but keep his eyes completely glued to his other two bandmates from across the room. Normally in their previous song writing sessions the two of them would be separated from each other with distant glares, each of them writing their own songs with someone else. Now it was almost as if someone glued them together, Luke smiling and laughing at something Ashton has said and leaning into the boy with so much affection Michael finds himself wanting to _gag._

He wonders if this is how the others view him and Calum.

Michael clears his throat, catching the attention of his bandmates and making Luke lift his head up from where he had previously been laughing softly into Ashton’s shoulder. “What has you two in such a great mood this morning?” He asks, shifting his guitar in his lap as he looks at his bandmates with a questioning glance. “Just yesterday the two of you wouldn’t even be five feet near each other.”

Luke has an adorable blush dusting his cheeks as he turns away from Michael’s accusing glance, while Ashton’s grin cannot escape his face as he replies, “I guess you could say we came to an end of this stupid feud.” He says, poking Luke’s stomach with his index finger and making the boy squeal. The fond radiating between them makes Michael happy for his friends, but he just _knows_ there is something they are not telling him. He knows better than to pry, but at the same time…

“About damn time.”

Ashton raises an eyebrow at Michael’s words, finally tearing his attention away from Luke and staring at his friend with an admittedly convincing look of obliviousness. “I’m sorry?” He asks, and his façade nearly fades when Michael laughs at his question.

“I believe what Michael is referring to is,” Zack chimes in, clearing his throat and standing up to gesture to just how Ashton and Luke were positioned. It looked bad, all too obvious with Luke nearly sitting in Ashton’s lap and pressing what he had believed to be inconspicuous kisses into the drummer’s neck. “How you two finally got your shit together and decided to be together.”

The blush that Luke had previously been sporting has now seemingly been transferred to Ashton, though it becomes a darker shade as he keeps his grin hidden behind a large hand. Luke has stopped pressing kisses into Ashton’s neck in favor of looking quite embarrassed, though he makes no effort to scoot away from the boy. Instead he flips Zack the bird while laughing into Ashton’s neck.

“I guess we have been a little too obvious,” Luke admits out loud, pulling himself up and intertwining his hand with Ashton’s. “We talked everything over last night when the two of you stayed here, realizes just how ridiculous we have been the past few weeks, hell, months. I had no right to act like a dick when it came to it all, and I apologized to Ashton for my words, but I also want to apologize to you guys as well.”

“And you are forgiven,” Michael tells him, a feeling of proud shooting through his veins as he watches his friends look at each other with the love that has existed between them for so long now. “If you promise not to try and one up Calum and I. I don’t think Zack would be able to handle so much gross happiness around him.”

Zack throws his head back with a loud laugh, his hand clutching his stomach as he does so. “You make me sound heartless Mikey!” He tosses a wadded up piece of paper towards the boy, the paper hitting Michael smack on the forehead and falling to the floor in a pathetic heap. “Now that the air has been cleared, how about we record another song for what might just be our best album yet?”

It’s a round of agreements from everyone in the room, and as Michael looks around at his bandmates, two of them happily absorbed in one another and the other entering the booth to record bass, he feels as though everything will be alright.

**

Michael is truly happy for his friends, he is. It’s nice to no longer here the sounds of shouting and things breaking from the room next door when it comes to nights at the hotel, but the fact that it has now been replaced with the sounds of moaning and the headboard smacking rather violently against the hotel room wall has Michael feeling a little less happy for them.

The anger, while resting in his chest as he attempts to cover his ears with his pillow, doesn’t come close to the second emotion coursing through him. It’s strange to feel sadness as he listens to his friends fuck each other in the room next door, but he can’t help but had a heavy heart as he thinks of his own love miles away from him, alone in their apartment without Michael there to hold him.

While he’s sure at this time Calum could be at practice, he doesn’t hesitate to bring up FaceTime on his phone and call him regardless. He needs to see Calum’s face, hear his boyfriend’s voice to drive him away from the noises he never wanted to hear from his bandmates.

Calum answers on the first ring, much to Michael’s surprise. His hair is wet from Michael can only predict was his morning shower, but he doesn’t appear to be happy with Michael’s sudden FaceTime call. He looks sad, chocolate brown eyes observing Michael’s face carefully as he asks, “Mikey, what’s wrong?”

His boyfriend had always been incredible at reading him. Calum’s words become the breaking point it seems, and Michael allows a small stream of tears to spill from his burning eyes. It’s hard to keep the phone steady in his hands, but Calum slowly becomes blurred as he chokes out what sounds absolutely pathetic, “I want to come home.”

“Oh, _Mikey,”_ Calum responds with a soothing tone. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

Michael sniffles, wiping roughly at his eyes as he explains the loneliness filling him whole, how he so badly wants to be happy for his friends and their relationship but all it does it remind him of how he isn’t near the one he loves. “I just wish you could be here with me, or that I could be back home with you and cheering you on at your games. I just fucking miss you so much and we haven’t even been apart for a _month._ ”

“It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been apart,” Calum tells him, what could only be sympathetic tears beginning to form in his own eyes. “When you love someone so much even being away from them for a minute could hurt. I’m so, so sorry Mikey. I wish I could be there with you too, holding you, but I promise you that everything is going to work out. You are going to finish your album, your label will stop being jackasses and when you get home I promise you all of this distance will have been worth it.” He blows a kiss towards the screen, and despite his sadness Michael still reaches for it and presses it against his lips. “I love you.”

Michael sighs, breath shaky from his tears as he responds, “I love you too. So fucking much.”

“Bowie loves you too!” Calum chirps, holding up the cat towards the phone screen. “She doesn’t want you to be sad either, okay? She wants you to smile and be happy.” The cat noses at the screen, a smudge left behind that makes Calum chuckle. Just from his laugh alone, Michael feels his heart warm in his chest.

He misses his family more than words can say, but it was moments like this that reminded him that no matter how far he was, their love was always there. He snuggles further into his pillows as Calum wipes off the smudges from the camera, showing his face once more and making Michael grin.

“You should get going to practice,” he mumbles from his pillow. “I should get some sleep.”

“I actually don’t have practice this morning,” Calum tells him, moving towards their closet and looking through some of his nicer dress shirts. “I have a photoshoot downtown with some company who wants me to be the face of their cologne, though. Can’t say I remember their name but it sounded really fancy.”

Michael laughs at his boyfriend’s forgetfulness. “Well, I’m excited to see your face on a billboard once more. They took down the one of you in your underwear near our studio a couple of days ago in favor of some new movie poster. Have to say I miss it.”

“Well,” Calum grins devilishly, wiggling his towel off and displaying his bare body for Michael to stare wide eyed. “Does this help a little?” He’s giggling quite loudly in the background as he directs the camera towards his bum, shaking it a little for Michael’s amusement. The action works, as Michael finds himself howling with laughter at his boyfriend’s antics.

“You do have a cute little bottom,” Michael tells him, wiggling his eyebrows comically. “Get me a bottle of that cologne from your shoot, yeah? Maybe it could be our scent.”

Calum rolls his eyes once the camera has returned to his face, shaking his head. “Trust me, this cologne is the nastiest scent you would have the displeasure of smelling.” He makes a gagging notion, once again making Michael grin into his pillow and his heart ache with just how much he misses his boyfriend. “Tell Luke and Ash to give it a rest and let you sleep, alright? I love you.”

“I love you too. Have fun at your photoshoot babe.” Calum’s face is gone from view faster than Michael wants, nothing but his contact photo left behind as Michael locks his phone and sets it back on the nightstand. It seems as though the noises from his bandmates have ceased, the only sound in Michael’s hotel room now being the sound of his breathing.

He knows he won’t be sleeping anytime soon, with how his mind continues to spin endlessly with what comes tomorrow. More recording sessions, stuck with his bandmates sucking face and Zack trying to convince him that maybe the songs they currently have set up for their album are not the best and they should write more. He’s left with Calum’s ‘I love you’ rolling in his head, an attempt to remind himself that once the album is done at least he will have Calum in his arms again.

He rolls himself out of the bed, heading towards his guitar in the corner of the room and rests it on his lap. He pulls out his notebook, where the song he began the night before rests written, and he picks up right where he left off. The chords take little bit of thought, Michael trying to make it sounds as unique and personal as he can without drifting too far off of his band’s sound. Who knows, maybe the song would never even be considered for the band. It could be something just for himself, something to comfort him on the night’s he misses Calum so much he can hardly breathe.

A soft knock startles him from where he’s been writing, an angry black streak from his pen gliding across the page. He pouts, slightly irritated by the interruption received before heading towards the front door. Whomever is on the other end shouldn’t care too much if he’s only in his underwear, because they should know _what time at night it is god damn it._

When he opens the door he’s slightly surprised to find Luke standing there, looking like he’s just been ravished by what Michael can only determine to be Ashton. Various hickies litter the boy’s chest, his lips swollen from kisses and hair a mess. Michael’s just grateful he chose to wear pajama bottoms, though a shirt would have been nice too.

“Hey,” Luke greets awkwardly, and Michael raises an eyebrow at his friend’s strange appearance at his door. “Um, I’m sorry if Ash and I were a little loud? I guess these walls are a hell lot thinner than we had originally thought.”

Michael rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry about it man. I mean, yeah, calm it down a bit, but thanks?” He moves to close the door, but Luke sticks a hand out and forces it open once more. “What now?”

“I heard you playing,” Luke mentions, looking past Michael at the guitar resting against the window. “It sounded pretty sad, are you doing alright?”

It’s pathetic how badly Michael just wants to break down to his friend, confess just how lost and lonely he’s felt the past few days being away from Calum. He’s already has his meltdown for the night, however, and the last thing he wants is to be a mess when he eventually _does_ get to bed. “I’m alright, Lukey. Really. Go back to bed.”

Luke doesn’t appear to be convinced, scoffing as he moves past Michael and enters the room. Michael doesn’t make a real attempt at stopping him though, allowing his best friend into the room and taking a seat on his bed. He looks towards Michael’s notebook, but he doesn’t make a move to look at it. It makes Michael a little more grateful for his friend, that at least he respects some type of privacy. “Ash and I were talking.”

Michael snorts. “Didn’t sound like much _talking.”_

Luke gives him a glare, rolling his eyes before he continues. “He’s gone off to talk to Zack about it, but I think we all have reached the same agreement that this bullshit with the record company isn’t going to fly. We’ve only recorded two songs and already I can tell that this album won’t be done for at least another four months, at _least.”_

“No shit?” Michael comments as he takes a seat over by the window once more, taking his guitar back into his lap. “I mean, our first album took two _years,_ Luke. Our second album we managed to record and produce in less than six months and that alone was a nightmare. Don’t even get me _started_ on our third album, I still loathe that album. The label won’t listen man.”

“That’s why we are going to lay down some rules,” Luke tells him, sitting with his legs crossed on Michael’s bed. “Like I said, Ash and I were talking, and one of the things we decided was that we are done letting this label walk all over us. I know that they are trying to help, but they are possibly preaching the contract with how hard they are over working us. They cannot expect us to have this album down in the time they believe it should be. Adam won’t bother with helping either, and honestly? A new manager might not kill us either.”

“Are you saying we drop our label?” Michael asks. “Luke, that is fucking risky.”

“You don’t think I know that?” He runs a hand down his face, his hair falling slightly in his face in curls. “Maybe we can start our own damn label. I know our contract is up with Hi or Hey soon, and maybe they are a little scared we won’t sign back with them after this album. Hell knows I don’t.”

It’s a risk, for damn sure. Michael thinks back to just how hard it was to get picked up the first time, and the fact that they would have to scramble for a new label frightens him to no end. This was his life, his job, and he wasn’t too willing to put it all on the line. Hi or Hey might be treating them like complete and total _shit,_ but at least they are allowing them a chance at another album. Changing labels could jeopardize everything they’ve worked for.

“I know that look,” Luke breaks Michael away from his thoughts with a clear of his throat. “I know the risk here, okay? Right now I’m just thinking of negotiating. That seems simple enough, and then we can get further into it.” He gets up from the bed and heads back towards the door, looking back at Michael with hope. “We are meeting in the other room with Zack, if Ash gets him to wake up. Are you coming?”

Michael hesitates for a moment, thinking through the prospects in his mind. He _knows_ that they should at least negotiate, fight this ridiculous idea the label has in their minds of a three month limit for the album. Then again, they could be walking onto unstable ground, only to fall through the cracks.

He rises from his chair with a nod, walking towards his suitcase and pulling out a pair of sweats. Once he’s got them on, he heads towards Luke and grins. “Yeah. I’m coming.”


	8. September (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this one! If you follow me on tumblr, I posted about putting this story on a semi-hiatus until school got better. Luckily, school is winding down, with only two weeks left for me this semester, so hopefully updates will be more frequent? (Don't count on it, I do have a Christmas fic to do!)
> 
> I might be doing a time jump after this chapter, just a heads up.

Whenever Calum finds himself alone, the feeling of the other vacant side of the bed cold underneath his fingertips in the morning hour, he searches for Bowie. She always seems to sense just when Calum desperately needs her, those mornings where he misses Michael so much it feels like he’s being punched roughly in the stomach. It’s those mornings that the cat curls beside him, warm and content. Knowing that Bowie was there, still walking around as if she ruled the apartment, Calum knew that Michael would come back eventually.

It wasn’t as if he had doubts that Michael _wouldn’t_ come back. It was just a couple of months to work on the album his label demanded. It wasn’t as if the boy had died, or that he just decided that Calum was too much. (At least, Calum _hoped_ he wasn’t too much.) It was, well, days without him left Calum less than enthusiastic.

His teammates were a wonderful support system as well. They all had welcomed him the warmest smiles and kindest words, all of them ecstatic to play with him. Some days when Calum would come to practice feeling low, the days where missing Michael hit harder than normal, they were always right there beside him making sure that he was on top of his game and smiling again before he left the stadium. It was the support system Calum had longed for back in Liverpool, and it meant the world to him to have it now here in Arsenal.

It was ironic, almost. How he was the happiest he’s ever been, but also at his lowest.

Today was a rare day off for him, and day he was grateful he could sleep in and simply lounge around their apartment without having to worry about responsibilities. He knows he should probably do some laundry, maybe go out to the shops and get some things, but there was not a single ounce of motivation within him to do any of those things. The most appealing thing to him right now was to take a seat on the couch in the living room, Bowie curled up beside him, and a remote in his hand.

Of _course,_ it doesn’t work out.

Calum’s cell phone rings obnoxiously from their bedroom, right as he begins pouring Bowie’s breakfast. The cat seems just as annoyed as he is, glancing towards the bedroom with her own glare to match Calum’s. The footballer sighs, leaning down to pat Bowie’s head as she begins to eat before he heads towards their bedroom to retrieve his phone. He considers changing his ringtone for the times when Michael is gone, the boy currently singing about having someone wrapped around his finger once more. Maybe place it on vibrate, Calum thinks.

He doesn’t bother with Caller ID before picking up, burying down his frustration when he answers. “This is Calum.”

“Hello Calum!” An awfully chipper voice answers from the other end, and Calum almost groans. “My name is Lennox Sharp, one of the lead journalists at Sports Lifestyle, how are you?”

The last thing Calum needed was a journalist talking to him on his day off. Normally he would be alright with speaking for a magazine, a phone interview definitely not something he was a stranger to. This moment though was his alone time, a moment he could step back from his insane schedule and relax. He wasn’t exactly in the mood for an impromptu interview over the phone.

“A little tired, long night,” Calum admits, walking back towards the living room. “How may I help you?”

“We are working on a brand new cover story for our newest issue, and our focus has been driven towards sports stars who have made a large impact. Of course, our very first thought when it came to a cover star was you, with what your recent coming out.” Lennox pauses, papers shuffling on the other end. “We would be shooting sometime this upcoming week, along with the cover story, would that work for you? Would you be interested in this?”

It was definitely something Calum needed when it came to working with the press. Since his coming out there has been some negativity in the air, although he has tried not to dwell on it all that much. He was happy, and what the press had been telling him was not as crushing as the loneliness he’s felt since Michael had left. Maybe this was a good thing on two different levels: something to distract him from the lack of Michael right now, and something to make things right in the press and show the world that despite who he was, though he could care less of their opinions, that he was still a great player.

“That would be wonderful,” Calum responds, entering the kitchen to crouch down towards Bowie, running a hand through her fur and grinning as she purrs. “I will just need to contact my team manager, make sure my schedule can line up with what you need me to do.”

“I will contact them soon,” Lennox promises. “Thank you so much for participating in this Mr. Hood. We look forward to working with you soon.”

As soon as the phone call has ended Bowie has finished her breakfast, Calum picking the cat up and walking towards the living room couch. Both of them earned a day of relaxation, and that was definitely what they would be doing.

Before he can forget, Calum shoots off a text to Michael.

**To:** _Michael_

_Just got off the phone for Sports Lifestyle, gonna be a cover boy ;) Miss you_

He doesn’t expect a response soon. After all, Michael should be asleep if Calum was correct about what time it was in Los Angeles. He just knew that if he wanted anyone to know about this opportunity, it had to be Michael.

**

Calum’s done photoshoots before, this was definitely not his first time. He’s posed in his underwear far more times than he can count, covered _Sports Illustrated_ multiple times with either his teammates or himself on a solo cover. They’ve become a regular fixture in his sports life if he was being honest. This felt different though; normally when he does photoshoots it has something to do with the product he is endorsing or his sports career.

This one, however, seemed to focus on him more than anything.

Lennox is the one that meets up with him when he arrives, a quite bubbly woman with jet black hair pulled back into a neat bun and a professional looking dress hugging at her body. She’s grinning rather wildly, and Calum is a little taken aback at her personality. Normally the journalists he gets are rather quiet, serious about their job. This was a different take, and he wasn’t exactly sure what to think just yet.

“It is so nice to meet you!” Lennox chirps, shaking Calum’s outstretched hand with fervor. “I’m Lennox Sharp, who you spoke with on the phone. I will also be conducting the interview, as well as providing direction with the photoshoot.”

“Nice to meet you,” Calum grins, tucking his hands back into the pockets of his jacket. “I apologize if I am a little stiff today, it’s been some time since I have been photographed for a magazine.” That, and probably the lack of sleep once again. It’s been growing harder and harder to sleep as of lately, and while he does put on a brave face and attempt to relax himself into sleep, he can’t help but toss and turn.

Lennox waves a hand in the air dismissively. “Oh I am sure you will be perfectly alright. No need to worry, all of us here are willing to make you as comfortable as you need to be.” She beckons him to follow her, the click of her heels echoing in the studio as they head towards what Calum could only assume to be her office. It’s a lot nicer than he had expected it to be, aesthetically pleasing to say the least. A photograph of what appears to be her family rests on her desk, two toothless, smiling children taking up a good portion of the frame.

“Now, Calum,” Lennox clears her throat, taking a seat at her laptop and cracking her knuckles. “One thing I want you to know right now is that this interview will be incredibly personal, but we don’t want you to reveal more than you believe we have the right to know. If, at any time, you feel uncomfortable, we can end the interview straight away. The last thing we want from any of our cover stars or guests is to feel as if we only care for the paycheck and not them personally.” She opens up a folder, sliding the contents towards Calum with a pen. “This contract states everything I have stated, as well as a few more guidelines. We have already gone over it with your Team Manager, and he has signed off on it. All we need is for you to sign.”

Calum nods, clicking the pen with his thumb as his eyes scan the contract. It’s all quite basic, things that almost every company goes through to ensure whomever is signing will not sue, consents to any and all things, the basic jargon. He signs his name easily on each page, and once the contract has been signed and handed back his cell phone vibrates.

_Michael._

“I apologize,” Calum tells Lennox, thumb hovering over the answer button. “Is it alright if I take this?”

Lennox nods her head, getting up from her chair and heading towards the door. “Whenever you are ready, we will be just right outside.” With one last grin she shuts the door softly, allowing Calum to accept the call and hold the phone up to his ear. Part of him was incredibly happy to hear his boyfriend’s voice, was always happy to hear his voice. The other part wondered just what could have Michael up so early in the morning: it was five in the morning in Los Angeles, after all.

“Hey,” Calum breathes, unable to hold back the grin on his face when he answers. “What’s up babe?”

A heavy shudder falls onto his ears from the other end, and the smile Calum had placed on his face has now turned upside down. He has rarely heard Michael be upset, more so since he’s left has he answered the phone to his boyfriend in tears and missing him. It was the emotion that Calum was least fond of on his boyfriend, and now he was desperate to know what was wrong. “Mikey?”

“Cal,” Michael chokes on the other end, and Calum’s heart _bleeds_ for his boyfriend. “Fuck, I’m coming home. I will be home before you know it.”

Calum wants so badly to be excited. He hasn’t seen Michael in person in forever it feels like, and to hear that his boyfriend would be coming home soon, the next twenty-four hours, was something that had him ecstatic. Yet the tone in Michael’s voice told another tale, one that Calum was frightened to ask for. Something had happened, Calum was sure of it.

“Babe, what happened?” Calum asks calmly, because he _knows_ Michael. He’s known him for six months, but every part of him knows his boyfriend in so many ways. His emotions, his way of words. He prides himself in that, but this time he can only hope that he’s just over thinking.

Another heavy shudder. “The band and I were tired with how the label was treating us, with the suffocating album deadline, the late nights of recording and writing? We were being treated like robots, and we had decided to confront them about their treatment and do something about it. All four of us, we had such a solid plan to go in and tell them just what we were thinking and hopefully get them to realize that we were _human._ ”

“Michael.”

The silence is heavy, so heavy that it feels as if it is weighing down on his shoulders. It’s when Michael cries into the phone once more, the soft mumble of, “The label dropped us.” That Calum has found himself aching. “They said that unless we finished the album in their deadline, we were dropped. Us arguing for rightful treatment showed them that we obviously had no regard for our careers, at least in their eyes.”

“Mikey, I am so, so sorry,” Calum wants to say more, so much more to assure his boyfriend, but Lenox is peeking her head in, a gentle smile on her lips. “We can talk when you get home, alright? I promise the minute you get home we will spend as much time as possible talking about this, helping. Okay?”

Michael sniffles, and Calum wishes he could have done more. “I love you.” He whispers, and the phone clicks.

“I love you too,” Calum mumbles into the empty air, sliding his phone into his pocket before grinning weakly at Lennox. “Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

**

By the time the photoshoot is over, Calum finds himself completely exhausted. It had been a long afternoon, filled with multiple outfit changes, last minute changes as to what the photographer wanted. By the time it was all over and done with the first thing Calum wanted before his interview was a nice nap. Maybe something from the craft service table off to the corner wouldn’t hurt either.

Lennox approaches him once he steps away from the backdrop they’ve been shooting against, an apple already in his hand and biting deeply into the fruit. It’s embarrassing just how nice it is to eat _something,_ and Calum can’t help but moan a little at the juice exploding in his mouth. It’s embarrassing with Lennox just right there, but he hasn’t eaten since that morning. She could wait.

“I promise the interview will be quick and painless,” Lennox begins, allowing Calum to stock up on food. The craft table has quite the variety, between sandwiches, salads, fruits and vegetables. It’s almost embarrassing how much Calum stocks up on to hold himself over during the interview. “Just the few basic questions, some that dig a little deeper. As promised before, if you feel we step over the line in terms of your personal life, please feel free to disregard those questions.”

Calum nods, unable to say a word with his mouth still full of food. He instead offers an almost comical thumbs up, one that has Lennox giggling softly into her hand before guiding him off towards another section of the studio, where two chairs have been set up. It’s a lot more open that Calum had expected, most interview being separated from the action rather than around it. He doesn’t complain, however. It’s nice, not to feel secluded with one person the entire time.

“I guess we should start with some basics,” Lennox clears her throat, readying her notepad and pen in front of her. “Since moving from Liverpool to London, how have you been?”

Calum swallows down the large bite of sandwich, licking his lips to catch the remaining crumbs. “It’s been incredible. While I still have so much love for my old teammates, as well as my Liverpool family, Arsenal has been so welcoming to me since day one. After the first practice, it felt almost as if I had been there for years. They are all incredibly kind, and it just solidifies that I made the correct choice when it came to selecting them as my new home.”

“As for your personal life, it seems your boyfriend, Michael Clifford, had made the move with you. Is it strange, taking that big step in your life?”

The normally fond smile that takes over his face at the mention of Michael doesn’t appear this time. How can it, when Michael’s sad voice echoes throughout his head, reminding Calum that his boyfriend no longer had a record label, was so utterly lost and on his way home with no idea what to do? It crushed Calum, but he has to put on a brave face. The last thing he needs is assumptions about his personal life. “There was no second guessing about it. Since the moment we met, there had always been something there that was undeniable, something that was both terrifying and exhilarating at the exact same time. When I had made the decision to move to Arsenal, he was the first one I talked it over with. His opinion meant everything to me. He told me to choose Arsenal because he knew that I would be happier there. In the end, someone who cared so deeply about what made me happy, personally, was someone I knew I wanted beside me through everything.”

Lennox smiles warmly at him, scribbling his words down hastily. “Your choice to come out to the world was a big one, and shocked a good majority of the sports world. What made you decide that now was the time to do so?”

“When I had first started playing, I had wanted to come out. I was already out with my family, my good friends. The biggest thing for me is complete honesty, and I was fully intending to do so with my football career. I didn’t want it to seem as if it was a gigantic secret I had to hide from the world. This was who I am, and hiding that would seem as though I was ashamed. I wasn’t.

“Of course, things change. Sadly, there were far too many people I had encountered who were less than friendly about my orientation, and that was what kept me hidden for so long. Football was my number one dream, and hiding my sexual orientation was one of the only ways it could continue. It worked for a while, I was happy with playing and the friends I had made out of my teammates. Then I met Michael, and for the first time I finally realized who I was. He reminded me of what it was like to accept yourself, even if others didn’t. That meant a lot to me, to have someone love me and remind me of those things.

“In the end, it was Michael who made me realize that it was the right time to finally be honest. Maybe that was what I had needed all along; someone to remind me that who I am doesn’t change a single thing.”

In that moment, Calum felt the exact same emotion he had felt when he had told his family about his sexuality. His body felt lighter, less tense and more free. While it was different being able to speak about his sexuality out loud for once, rather than keeping it buried underneath, it felt _right._ He no longer had anything to hide when it came to who he was.

Lennox seems more than pleased with his response, her smile bright as she finishes scribbling down more notes before she moves her notepad to her side. “In regards to your move to Arsenal, do you feel as though you’ve improved? Various sports commentators as well as fans have mentioned how you seem to be a brand new person since leaving Liverpool.”

Calum can’t help but agree with those comments. While he certainly had some elements of himself that have stayed the same, he would be lying if he said that he hadn’t changed since the move. He’s felt better about himself more than ever before, more confident in his love of the game and working with a team who treated him like a friend rather than a teammate. His manager has even fantastic, giving him tips on improvement and pushing him to his limit to be the greatest. Liverpool seemed to have been holding him back from his potential, even if he did reach the status of a great while he was there.

“I am still the same Calum Hood, but I must admit that my playing style has improved since the move. I feel comfortable in my element here, almost as if there was no need to immediate adjustment. It was a rather smooth transition, from Liverpool to Arsenal. I will admit, there are some days that I want to call up some old Liverpool buddies and get a drink, but at the same time I don’t feel as though I am clinging to my past anymore. This new life, new outlook on life feels right.”

The interview flies by after that, a flurry of questions in regards to his career and what he might do next passing by him in a flash. He has to do a couple of retakes for the photoshoot, but once he manages to get those done he is nearly rushing to get out of the building and back home. He knows it’s highly unrealistic for Michael to be there already, that a flight from Los Angeles couldn’t have possibly come in that quickly, but he needs to be sure to _be_ there when he actually _does_ arrive. He needs to be there for Michael, just as Michael had been there for him.

Bowie is curled up on their bed when he arrives home, snoozing away on Michael’s side as Calum smiles fondly at their cat. Calum has noticed how much she has missed Michael, almost always curled up to his pillow or at least on Michael’s side of the bed. She may have grown fond of Calum during their time together, but it was clear that she was still Michael’s cat.

Calum steps carefully around the room, not wanting to disturb the cat’s slumber as he changes out of his clothes from the photoshoot into a pair of sweatpants and a work out shirt. The least he could do is fit in some work out time before dinner, even if it was technically his day off. Normally that would include lazy lounging on the couch, maybe with a beer. Right now though, with worry about Michael coursing through his veins, he needed a distraction.

He fills up Bowie’s bowl before he leaves, taking one last quick glance at his cell phone before he slides it into his sweatpants pocket and closes the apartment door behind him. He doubts Michael would have reception on the plane, but that still doesn’t stop him from turning up his ringer, just in case.

**

Calum’s startled awake in the early morning by the sound of the front door closing. It’s a soft click really, nothing to loud, but it still has him popping his eyes open and ripping the comforter back in almost a mad dash towards the front door. He knows who it is, knows who is coming through the front door from a long, exhausting flight.

He nearly bursts into tears when he steps into the front room to find Michael standing there, _his_ Michael, looking comfortable in a long sleeved sweater and bags underneath his eyes showing just how _exhausted_ he is. Despite what could be considered imperfections in someone else’s eyes, Calum finds his boy absolutely stunning as he chokes on the sob in his throat.

“I’m home,” Michael whispers, and Calum releases a laugh before he launches himself towards the boy, a tangle of limbs as he nearly tackles his boyfriend to the ground. Michael’s arms are wound tightly around his waist, breath tickling Calum’s neck as both of them soak each other in, embraced in the tightest of hugs. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Calum mumbles into Michael shoulder, pulling back slightly only to press his lips against Michael’s for the first time in so, so long. Michael’s lips are slightly chapped, dry against Calum’s but he cannot bring himself to care. This was Michael, the boy he loves, and to taste him again was anything _but_ a negative thing. “Listen, I know we need to talk…”

Michael releases a loud groan, obvious disapproval to the idea of talking as he presses his hands against Calum’s thighs, whispering for the boy to jump up. It’s effortless, how Calum’s legs wrap around Michael’s waist as they stumble messily into their bedroom, falling onto the bed. “Later,” Michael tells him, stripping out of his jacket and tossing it away from them. “I just, I need you right now? I need to show you how much I have missed you.”

It’s a distraction, Calum knows this. Michael had always been an expert when it came to avoiding things, but this time Calum was alright with letting him have his way. Besides, he would be lying if he said he didn’t miss Michael’s lips around him, licking up and down ever so slowly as he withered underneath him with short, soft moans.

As Michael makes way with his jeans, Calum allows his head to fall backwards into the pillows as his boyfriend’s hand slides down into private territory, calloused fingers wrapping around him and taking him far off into another world. Yeah, he certainly could not complain about this distraction at all.

**

As appealing as sleep is after a nearly eleven-hour flight, Michael begs Calum to help make him breakfast. It’s not that he can’t do it himself, Calum had taught him how to perfect a simple breakfast, it was just that he preferred it when it was Calum that made it. He was quite peculiar about it, with his lips pressed against Calum’s neck after a passionate love making session and a mumbled promise of more sex afterwards.

“You need sleep, not more sex,” Calum protests, removing himself from Michael’s tight lock and pulling his underwear back on. “Besides, I have practice in a couple of hours. I would like to take a nice shower and have breakfast with my love before I have to get to the stadium.” He leans over towards Michael, kissing him softly before whispering, “I’ve missed you, though.”

Michael hums against Calum’s lips. “I’ve missed you more.” He falls back against the pillows as Calum leaves the room, entering the kitchen and approaching a sleepy looking Bowie, who stares at her foot bowl longingly before glancing up at Calum with the saddest of eyes.

“I promise I didn’t forget about you,” Calum assures her, pouring food into her bowl and laughing as she happily eats it up. Sometimes he can see so much of Michael’s personality in the cat, with her grumpiness towards food and slight laziness. (Okay, so maybe _slight_ was an understatement. Michael could be incredibly lazy when he wanted to be.) Bowie has made the past few weeks without Michael bearable, and Calum could never repay her for that.

As breakfast cooks on the stove, Calum goes over just how to breach the topic of the record label with Michael. He knows Michael will want to avoid it all together, knows that the boy will avoid speaking of it with everything in him, but Calum also knows that Michael will suffocate himself if he doesn’t talk about it. Besides, with Calum in the dark about everything it seemed, he would like answers too. If there was any chance he could help, any at all, he was going to jump at the first opportunity.

Michael eventually stumbles into the kitchen a while later, dressed in one of Calum’s old practice shirts and a pair of boxers that Calum is damn sure is also his. His boy appears quite exhausted, the jet lag incredibly obvious as he sleepily walks towards Calum and presses a rather lazy kiss atop of his head. “Smells good.” He grumbles, holding onto Calum’s hips. “Missed your cooking.”

Calum smiles warmly as he moves to place breakfast on a plate for Michael, handing it to his boyfriend with a gentle kiss to his nose. “Then stuff your face.” Michael laughs with him as they both head towards their kitchen table. Michael immediately takes to following Calum’s words, cheeks nearly puffing as he continues to shovel the homemade breakfast into his mouth. It reminds Calum of the very thing he has missed the past month and so days; the one thing that made home, _home._

Alas, he knew that he could not avoid the inevitable topic between them for much longer. “Want to talk to me about L.A.?”

Michael stops chewing then, looking up from his breakfast plate with an unreadable expression. Calum bites his lip, at least hoping Michael understands why he asked. The look on Michael’s face is enough to show that the boy wants to avoid the topic all together. Swallowing down what remains of the food in his mouth Michael sighs. “I got fired for challenging my record label, all of us did. There really isn’t much to say exactly.”

Calum sighs. “I know you have more to say than just that Mikey.” He pushes his plate away, getting up from his spot at the table and kneeling down beside Michael. He rests his chin against the table, staring up at Michael as the boy plays with the food on his plate and avoids Calum’s gaze. “Talk to me, please?”

It's like a dam breaks then; the fork clatters against the plate as tears return to Michael’s eyes, and before the boy can collapse onto the floor Calum is already gathering the boy in his arms and pressing assuring kisses into his hair. The only time he has seen Michael this bad was one of the nights he was in Los Angeles, calling Calum and sobbing over the phone. Calum had hoped he would never have to relive his boy being so _ruined._

“I’m here,” Calum whispers, rubbing soothing circles into his boyfriend’s back. “I’ll always be here. I promise.”


	9. December (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter jumps ahead about two months, mostly because I started feeling the Christmas spirit and needed to write something with Christmas. It's split into two parts again, however, because I have two events that I didn't want to cram into one chapter. 
> 
> Also, I am officially out of school until January, so updates might be getting better! (i hope) This chapter is a bit fluffy and filler, but I promise part 2 will contain some exciting things :)

The past two months had been a time of reflection.

While Calum continued to travel around for his games, Michael had been right by his side the entire time. It was strange in the beginning, traveling to places without having his band with him and a performance set up. At the same time, it felt as if this was a new beginning for him. While he did refuse the title of a trophy boyfriend (the title that Zack had oh so kindly knighted him with), he was thoroughly enjoying watching Calum play his heart out. His boyfriend was so incredibly talented on the field, and the fact that Michael was able to actually watch him play in person instead of watching highlights on his phone was something he cherished.

They were currently in Manchester City, Calum’s last game before Christmas arrived. Snow had already covered the entire city around them, beautiful flurries of snowflakes showering down onto them as they walked the city streets. Their hands were clasped together as they continued to look at the shops around them, Michael occasionally stopping to show Calum something in a shop window he insists would be a perfect Christmas gift for one of his bandmates.

“You are telling me that Ashton _wouldn’t_ enjoy a brand new mixer?” Michael scoffs as Calum tugs him away from the shop window, shaking his head as he chuckles to himself. “I do think I know my drummer better than you, no offense. I don’t care if you two just happen to be best friends.”

“If you were as close to Ashton as I am, you would already know that Luke just bought him a brand new mixer for their apartment.” Calum informs him, and Michael frowns. It’s too much for Calum, honestly, so of course he must capture his boyfriend’s lips and replace that frown with the incredible smile Michael is known for.

It works, of course.

“I can’t believe they actually live together now,” Michael says, pulling Calum into one of the nearby shops before he can bother to protest. “They’ve only been together for what, two months? Are they truly capable of living together in such close quarters? We at least waited a few months before we moved in together.”

Calum sighs, looking at the various baked goods behind the glass of the front counter of the shop. He shouldn’t be surprised that Michael dragged him into a bakery, with how much he’s been complaining about demanding some macaroons before they head back to the hotel. “It’s almost as if you don’t know them at all, babe. It was a shock to me they didn’t just ask each other to move in the minute they got together. Those two act on impulse.” He holds up four fingers to the man behind the counter, pointing to the macaroons. “Speaking of them, Ashton expressed interest in coming over to help us decorate our tree once we arrive back home. I was thinking we could have a small party at our place in celebration.”

Michael reaches forward to grab the macaroons from the man at the register, handing him a couple of bills before taking Calum’s hand back in his. “A get together sounds really nice. Then again, I thought we were inviting your sister to our place for Christmas this year and she was going to help us? I would feel a bad if everything was all decorated before she got here. It sounded like she really wanted to help.”

If he had to be honest, Calum had almost completely forgotten about his sister’s upcoming visit. It’s not that he didn’t want his sister to come and spend Christmas with him and Michael, that wasn’t the case at all. It was just that lately he had been so focused on various other things to even begin to think about making room for his sister’s visit. He had been so dead focused on the team, doing press, and even helping Michael put his life back together after the record drop two months ago. As time flew bye, Calum didn’t even have a minute to focus on family.

“I would love to have a Christmas party at the apartment,” Calum muses, snatching the macaroons from Michael. As Michael sticks out his lower lip, Calum makes sure to peck it away. “Mali should be here in two days; we can schedule it from there? I’m sure she would love to meet the entire band; don’t you think?” He shoves one of the macaroons into his mouth before Michael can snatch the bag back, grinning with cheeks stuffed with the sweet treat.

Michael laughs, wiping at Calum’s bottom lip with his thumb. “You had a crumb,” he tells him, wiping his thumb on his jeans. He returns his hand back into Calum’s as they turn the corner towards their hotel, pushing open the front door and leading the boy towards the elevators. “What is your sister even like anyway? Do I have to worry about having the protective older sister jumping down my throat?”

The elevator before them opens up, Calum pressing the right floor as he replies. “Mali is incredibly kind, I promise. She is going to love you. Mali has always been incredibly open minded about specific things and when it comes to what makes me happy, she is very supportive.” He leans against Michael’s shoulder as they ride up towards their floor, kissing it gently. “I love you, and she will see that.”

“I love you too,” Michael says right back, effortlessly. “I have never really met a boyfriend’s family before though, and the biggest thing for me is for Mali to like me. She means so much to you, and I would hate for her to think I am not good enough for you, you know?”

It was true; Michael had been completely stressed out the past few weeks about Calum’s sister flying in for the holidays. Calum had always described as her as so wonderful, so kind, that Michael was incredibly worried that he would mess everything up. Meeting Calum’s family, at least a part of it, was a huge step in their relationship that he thought he wouldn’t have had to encounter until at least the year milestone. Then again, he’s never really loved someone near as much as he has loved Calum. Maybe this was a move in the right direction.

The elevator stops at their floor, Calum lifting himself off of Michael’s shoulder and pulling out their room key. “I promise that you are good enough for me, okay? Even if my sister doesn’t approve, even though she absolutely _will,_ that doesn’t mean I am going to stop loving you.” He slides the key in with a click before pushing the door open, sighing as he shrugs his coat off and tosses it onto the king sized bed in the middle of the room. He falls down right beside it, groaning loudly as his body connects with the plush mattress underneath him. “Come cuddle with me, yeah?”

Michael loves, shrugging off his own coat and hanging it up in the closet. “I am actually thinking about heading down to the hot tub and soaking for a bit. Would you like to come with me?” He grabs his swimsuit from his suitcase, holding it up in the air as if to taunt his boyfriend.

It seems to do the trick. “A nice, relaxing soak sounds nice,” Calum decides, catching the swimsuit Michael throws to him effortlessly before getting up off of the comfortable bed. “Then come back here for a cuddle, yeah?”

“You really want to cuddle, don’t you?” Michael laughs, tugging his shirt up and over his head. “This cold weather got you feeling all cuddly?”

Calum scoffs, seemingly offended as he pulls his jeans down his legs. “I am always cuddly, mind you. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to just stay in a hotel room with my boyfriend and enjoy a nice cuddle. It’s not my fault you have a body just built for cuddling you know.” He reaches forward, flicking Michael’s arm and laughs when his boyfriend retaliates with a pinch of Calum’s bum.

“Just get your trunks on so we can get to the hot tub.”

**

Michael hasn’t spoken to his band’s manager in two months. It didn’t make sense for them to try and make amends with the record company with the words that were said, and their manager didn’t bother reaching out to them and attempt to mend things either. Luke and Ashton had been focusing more on their relationship the past two months since the news broke, and Zack had been staying with his sister for the time being. Michael figured it was a nice hiatus for the four of them, and while he would love to jump right back into the band and perform, he had to admit this break was helping him clear his head.

When he and Calum arrived back in London, however, he was surprised to find his phone ringing with a phone call from his manager on the screen. A small glimmer of hope enters Michael’s mind, the chance that their record company is willing to take them back and work better with them, but he knows it is nothing but wishful thinking. The words that were said at that fateful meeting could not be taken back so easily.

“Adam,” Michael answers, making sure his manager knows just how stunned he is by the tone of his voice. He can see Calum look at him with wide eyes, setting their suitcases down in their living room before removing his coat. “This is a surprise, what can I do for you?”

“I know we haven’t been in much contact since your contract at Hi or Hey went up,” Adam begins, getting right into business. “Yet an opportunity has come up for the band that I cannot let slide for you boys. With the recent publicity surrounding your label drop, you have been selected for some huge performances in the media, and one of them just happens to be the Jingle Ball Bash in London.”

Michael’s eyes widen. “Adam, that is _huge._ Please tell me that you got us a slot and didn’t pass it up.”

Adam chuckles on the other end, Michael’s questions ridiculous. “Of course I got you guys in! It was a bit of a struggle to do so, considering it was so last minute, but you guys are now officially apart of the Jingle Ball Bash. I can email you the schedule for rehearsal and what slot you will be performing, but for right now, just celebrate!”

“I will!” Michael declares, bidding his manager farewell before tossing his phone towards the couch. Calum raises an eyebrow at him once more, laughing at his boyfriend as he comes back into the living room from their bedroom. “Babe, the band got a performance lined up for next week.”

Calum’s face lights up just then, the boy opening his arms up as Michael flings himself into Calum’s embrace. He buries his face into Calum’s neck, still grinning as Calum whispers, “I am so fucking happy for you Michael.”

“I didn’t think we could get another performance,” Michael explains, still clinging to Calum tightly. “I thought with how our label dropped us that we wouldn’t be able to perform at all. I just, fuck Cal we needed this. I needed to hear this.” He kisses Calum quickly before grabbing for his phone on the couch once again, knowing he needed to call his bandmates and rave about the news to them. Hell, he wanted to rave about it to the whole damn _world._

Calum sits beside him, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend as the boy excitedly dials his bandmates numbers, the smile on his face never leaving. It’s been so long, _too_ long since Michael has been this happy, and Calum reminds himself to thank Adam in person for making his boy happy once again.

**

It’s not incredibly surprising when they arrive at Heathrow and find it crowded beyond all belief. The airport is overflowing with people, either awaiting arrivals or anticipating departures. It’s hard to even move through the crowd, elbows swinging everywhere and shouts of angry people just wanting to get out of there or get onto their flight. Michael feels bad that he has to shove some to just keep up with his boyfriend, who is eagerly jumping through the crowd at a pace Michael simply cannot match.

“Calum, slow down!” Michael shouts after his eager boyfriend, but the boy continues to move through the crowd at lightning speed. It makes Michael giggle as he watches Calum narrowly dodge a rather muscular man’s swing of a suitcase, the smile never leaving his face as he continues on his journey towards the gate his sister would be arriving at. Michael swears he has never seen Calum so damn excited about something in his life, and it almost calms the anxiety bubbling in his stomach about meeting the infamous Mali-Koa Hood.

Calum had given him a quick run through about his sister the night before, at Michael’s insistence. He wanted to be as prepared as he possibly could when it came time to pick her up from the airport the next morning, not wanting to appear as some fumbling dumbass her brother just happened to fall in love with. He wanted to be seen as someone Mali knew her brother was meant to be with, even if it was a little too soon to start considering forever.

Fuck, now he was thinking too far ahead of himself.

With one last dodge of a little old lady, Michael finally manages to catch up to Calum and fling himself in the nearest chair he can find. He doesn’t have the athletic capabilities his boyfriend has, despite the constant trips to the gym Calum forces him to come to. Calum’s legs were meant for speed on the field and Michael’s, well, were simply met for standing on stage with a guitar in his hand.

“Her flight was slightly delayed, so she might be another ten minutes,” Calum informs him as he walks away from the Arrival board, huffing as he takes a seat beside Michael. “Sorry for all that running to get here.”

Michael shrugs, taking Calum’s hand in his and kissing the boy’s knuckles. “You haven’t seen your sister in quite some time, I don’t blame you. I’m sure if I was you I would be going as fast as I can just to see her.”

Calum beams at him, kissing his cheek before turning his attention back towards the Arrival board once more. His beautiful chocolate eyes continue to scan it carefully, as if at any moment it could possibly change and say that Mali’s flight would be much earlier than it was fifteen seconds ago. It won’t, of course, but Michael wasn’t about to tell him that. Instead he pulls out his phone, a few text messages from the band about the Christmas party that night coming through. Ashton asking if he needs to bring anything, Zack jokingly asking if Calum’s sister was hot. He snorts, responding to them quickly before Calum is suddenly tugging him up and out of his seat, nearly making him drop is phone down onto the ground.

“It just says her flight landed!” He cheers, squeezing Michael’s hand rather tightly. “Fuck, I can’t believe she is here, you are going to love her!” It’s rather adorable how he begins to jump up and down on his feet, and Michael has to place a hand on the boy’s shoulder in order for him to calm down at least slightly.

It’s only a few minutes later that Michael’s arm is nearly ripped from its socket by how _hard_ Calum tugs his arm, launching the two of them towards the arrival gate. They nearly knock down a few people as they go forward, Michael apologizing on his boyfriend’s behalf as they nearly full on sprint towards the gates. They are nearly there when Calum drops his hand, rushing forward and throwing his arms around a rather tall woman who has just stepped out.

“When did my baby brother get so _muscular?”_ Mali demands, squeezing Calum’s arms in awe before placing a quick kiss to his cheek. “Fuck, I have missed you so much _teina.”_

Michael feels rather awkward just standing there, a third wheel to the sibling reunion in front of him. He can see various other families being reunited around him, all hugs and smiles and kisses, and it just makes him feel even more out of place than ever. The only thing that seems to jostle him out of the space he has fallen in is slender arms wrapping around him in an awfully tight hug, knocking the air out of his lungs in one go.

“It is so nice to finally meet you!” Mali cheers into his ear rather loudly, giving him one last squeeze before pulling away and clapping her hands together happily. “The minute I saw those pictures of you and my brother back in Brazil I just _knew_ you were something more to him. No one can make my brother have such a smile on his face unless they were something special.” She nudges Calum’s arm, the boy blushing as he glances up at Michael with an adoring grin.

“It’s very nice to meet you to Mali,” Michael responds. “Calum speaks so highly of you, so you can imagine how nervous I am!” Is he shaking? Yeah, he feels like he is shaking rather badly from the nerves.

Mali scoffs, waving a dismissive hand at him. “I am nothing incredible, but I do appreciate that Calum does actually miss me.” She adjusts the bag on her shoulder before wrapping an arm around her brother’s shoulders. “Lead me to baggage claim, and then we can talk all about how much I have missed.” She turns back at Michael, a smirk on her face. “That means all the dirty details, got it? I want to know all about the man that has made my brother so damn happy!”

**

They grab take out on their way home, Calum not really in the mood to cook anything up before their Christmas party that night, and Michael not entirely blaming him. Mali doesn’t seem to be bothered by it at all, rather exhausted from her flight and opting to just eat on the way and take a nap once they get to the apartment. It gives them plenty of time to decorate the apartment for the party that night.

“Bowie is keeping her company in the guest room,” Michael explains to Calum as he shuts the guest room door softly. His boyfriend stands in the living room, stringing the lights up around their Christmas tree as the sounds of Christmas music playing in the background fills the apartment. Michael grins as he steps towards his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around him and placing a soft kiss against his cheek. “Need me to do anything? I’m pretty good at decorating a tree.”

Calum snorts, turning in Michael’s arms to give him a proper kiss on the lips. “How about I let you take over then? I need to get started on the dinner for tonight, and I still haven’t got those sugar cookies in the oven like I was hoping to.” He hands the lights to Michael, a quick peck to the boy’s nose before he darts off to the kitchen. Michael frowns, looking down at the Christmas lights before continuing to string them up across the tree.

“I think Mali really likes you,” Calum tells him, rolling up the sleeves of his sweater as he pulls a bowl out of the cupboard. “I mean, she likes your band and already knew who you were, but I’m starting to think she likes you as my boyfriend too.”

“Or she is pretending to like me so she can get close to me,” Michael jokes, hanging an ornament onto the tree. He grins as Calum gives him a pointed look, blowing his boyfriend a kiss before reaching for another ornament. “I can see why you love her so much though, Cal. She seems like a wonderful sister.”

Calum cannot help the fond grin that appears on his face. “She’s the best. She was the first person I came out to, the first person I told when I decided I was going to pursue football professionally. I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive sister than the one I have.” He reaches for the flour on the counter, reaching into the kitchen drawer for measuring cups and scooping. “That’s why I was so nervous about her opinion of you. Mali is so, incredibly important to me and I wanted her to love the other important person in my life more than anything.”

Michael smiles softly at his boyfriend, moving away from the Christmas tree to enter the kitchen and press a kiss to Calum’s cheek. “I love you. I promise I will do just about anything to prove to Mali that I am good for you, yeah?” He steals another quick kiss to Calum’s cheek before quickly swiping his finger into the dough, sticking the dough into his mouth with a smirk and darting back towards the living room before Calum can swat him.

“You stay away from my cookie dough,” Calum threatens, wooden spoon aimed towards Michael. “Don’t need you getting ill with salmonella.”

Michael rolls his eyes, picking out another ornament from the Tupperware box by the tree. “I will have you know that I have eaten plenty of cookie dough throughout my life and have never once contracted salmonella, thank you. I believe I am immune.”

An unfamiliar laugh comes from the hallway, startling Michael as he turns to face Calum’s sister. “You guys are incredibly loud,” she teases, walking into the kitchen and swiping some cookie dough for herself. Calum doesn’t bother with chastising her, simply mocking her words and avoiding her own glare as he does so. “Then again, I couldn’t sleep very well anyway. Figured I could come out here and help with the Christmas cheer.”

“Well the other cookie dough thief is decorating the tree, feel free to join him,” Calum instructs, continuing to stir the dough and facing away from his sister and boyfriend. “Until that tree is done nobody gets a cookie, so I suggest you get to it.”

“We don’t need him!” Michael insists to Mali, sticking his tongue out playfully at his boyfriend. He hands off the ornament in his hands to her before turning back and grabbing another one. “How was your flight? I never got ask you when you got in.”

Mali shrugs, adjusting the branch for her ornament. “It was alright. I have never really been a huge fan of flying so I can’t say it was spectacular. I managed to read a good portion of the book I brought though, so I count that as a victory.” A pause. “Thank you, by the way. For everything you have done for Calum.”

“Oh,” Michael wasn’t expecting her to say that. “Um, it was mostly him that made those decisions for himself.”

“He wouldn’t have made those decisions if it weren’t for you though,” Mali insists, turning away from the tree to face Michael directly. “As far as I was aware he was never going to take such risks. He would talk to me late at night about how scared he was about his team finding out about his sexuality, all because of their comments. He has worked so damn hard to get to where he is today, and the biggest fear in his mind was losing all of that.” She steps forward, unexpectedly wrapping her arms around Michael in a hug. “Thank you for making my baby brother happy.”

Michael hugs her right back, grinning into her hair. “I would do anything to make him happy, I promise.”

From his spot in the kitchen, Calum grins.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr at lucasashtons :)


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